Catch Up #2B

Note: If you have not read the posting down below (2 below) do so before reading this one.

January 9th-13th: So it was a good weekend and everything. It was a little bittersweet for me because of the nagging memories from the past. They were leaching the color from my hours with Mike. Fear and dread that I was about to repeat certain parts of the past replaced the colors with gray. I knew that things were different with Mike but. . . . That has got to be the largest three letter word in the English language: BUT. Anyway, I knew that I was in danger of falling in love with him and that I couldn't allow myself to do that without knowing for sure where we stood with things. And I couldn't move forward with stuff without being open with him. I hadn't been dishonest about anything but there were things that needed to be said. I had come so close to saying what I needed to say but the words stuck in my throat. Can you imagine me unable to speak? Yes, it is possible. So I wrote it all out in an epic style poem.

I asked Mike to come over on Tuesday night cause I needed to talk with him. He ended up coming over on Monday (9th) instead. It was late when we finally talked and we were both so tired that I almost didn't say anything. Some of you know that I get at my most serious late at night. That is when I am most likely to have serious discussions. But I knew that I was being obtuse and cryptic and Mike didn't deserve that so. . . . And yes, I will remain cryptic with you. There are some things that I will not publish in so public a place. My friends may ask me in private if they don't know what I'm referring to. Anyway, he listened and thought and was wonderful. He totally left certain things up to me. And that was exactly what I needed. We spent the night cuddled in my bed. Sleep was restless on one hand but oh so great on another. And my morning "alarm" was really fun. lol

We spent Tuesday night together too. It was all so exhausting and fun at the same time. I knew that we wouldn't be able to keep that up forever but damn if I wasn't going to enjoy the chance.

Thursday night into Friday morning turned out to be the biggest time of all for us. Let's just say that, well, it CAN be all that they say it is. I have never felt so close to another human being in all my life. Did it go smoothly? No. Hell, we're both learning and so there has to be a curve. But, no matter what else happens. . .it was perfect and I have no regrets. I was surprised at myself for being able to but I think that has so much to do with how wonderful Mike was about everything. And I so wanted to give him something that would show how much I felt for him. I so wanted him to have something we only read about in books or see at the movies. I can only hope that it really was for him as much as for me.