Catch Up #2F

This entry is a part of a journal entry.

January 30th:

[the following part was written in the morning while I was at the kiosk again and bored]

Mike and I were in Atlanta for part of the weekend. His company's annual business meeting/awards banquet is in Marietta. So, after class I drove down to Maya's [another friend whom I've known for a really long time -- almost 13 years] and he met me there. It was nice. We went for a walk with Maya and Cole [her son]down to a little park. Mike pushed me on the swing at one point. Maya got hit on by a ten year old. lol

Mike told me that he wants to win employee of the year or at least runner-up. The latter gets two extra paid vacation days and $500 while the former gets a week's vacation anywhere in the world. Gee, wonder where he would go. I asked if it would be just him or him and a guest. The latter. I was like, "Well, I have a passport. Now we need to just get you one." He agreed and was all excited. We joked about how everyone would react if I said, "Ok, well, I need next week off cause I'm going to Tokyo." lol

I don't know. We've already fallen into a kind of routine. Maya says that she can't imagine me with anyone else. That I've done well in my choice. I agree but. . .how does he really feel about it? Has he done well and made a good choice? I hope so but he teases me so much about how difficult I've made his life that I wonder how much of what he says like that is the truth. Well, yes, I know that I have complicated things but he seems to be enjoying himself. But I can't help but wonder.

There was a brief mention about me being insecure (when he was over on Thursday night). It's true. I have good reason. Yeah, I guess that's something difficult. But isn't that one thing I need more to work on than him? Yes, it affects him but it is something that I can control.

One thing that I can't control is the fact that he doesn't sleep well when we're together, Neither do I but I think that could get better with practice. He saus no which subconsciously blocks him from improving. Maybe I should just stop asking if he slept well. then he could stop saying things like, "Not really." And, "It's you but it's not your fault." (wigh) Then I could feel less hurt and guilty.

[That was as far as I got in my thoughts about the weekend, etc. The following is what I started later that night in class while my students were taking a quiz.]

In class now and I'm having trouble with my concentration because of what happened at dinner with Mike. I can't even tell you how many emotions I went through tonight. I am getting so sick of yo-yoing.

Ok, Jonathan wanted my help in planning a romantic evening with Jessica. This I had found out after suggesting doing dinner with Mike. I called Mike and suggested he join us. Just talking to him made me smile.

I was still smarting from the weekend. [I'm referring to Mike's teasing about how "difficult" and "complicated" I've made his life. He did it a lot over the weekend. That was as far as I got with the entry so I'll finish what happened in catch up #2G.]