HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Mike is now 28. So, until September, he is only 6 years younger than me. lol From what I can tell, he's had a pretty decent day so far but for a traffic jam on the way to work this morning. But that didn't throw his mood out of whack. I'm waiting for him to come home so that he, Jonathan, and I can go out for Japanese food. We're going to Sakura's on Forest because a student of mine works there on Tuesday nights.

I am currently baking the world's most expensive cheesecakes. I had asked Mike what kind of cake he would like for his birthday and he settled upon vanilla/chocolate cheesecake with meringue icing and white chocolate shavings. Well, the recipe I found in this book at the store is actually for a neopolitan cheesecake that calls for three different liqueurs. I've cut out the strawberry angle and split that liqueur requirement down the middle for the vanilla and chocolate. So, now I actually have alcohol in my house. lol Go figure. They smell good right now. Not sure how the meringue is gonna work but I have a recipe for it. Never had that with a cheesecake but it was the request so he's got it.

I managed to get his gifts wrapped. His main gift is the complete Curious George collection (hard cover). He likes CG so I thought it a good theme. I did include two manga bookmarks for him as well. He has a few small secondary gifts: a Curious George Uno deck and a stuffed Curious George wrapped around a bottle of sake.

Whoops. . .he's home! Gotta run.

704 Events

Michelle has a friend who came up with a cool website idea. Look over in the right hand corner for "Charlotte Events" and that will take you to one of the links. The premise for the site is to have a place for people to go to find out what's happening in their area code. The subjects are quite varied. And it's very cool. Well, the launch party for the Charlotte branch was last Thursday (23rd) up at the Flying Saucer near where Michelle lives. She's the main local coordinator for this branch and I am one of her administrators in my copious amounts of free time. (Can you hear the sarcasm?) I'll be doing more when the summer comes around.

Anyway, Mike had to be in Raleigh so he planned to meet me there. Jonathan and Kelly (co-worker and friend from the bookstore) said that they would go with me. We had to wait until Jonathan was done at school before we could leave. We got up there about 6p. Mike was already there. There was a little bit of a pall on the event for us because one of Mike's former co-workers and friends died on Wed. It was very sad. Mike seemed to be doing pretty well (or as he put it, "A guy losing a guy isn't the same as a girl losing a girl.").

I was wrangled to cover the door for a while. That was interesting. Took a little while for me to get into the swing of telling incoming people about the site and the raffle that we were holding. But eventually it went well. My damn foot was acting up so I didn't spend much more than an hour doing that. When I got back to Mike and the others, he was sitting in a chair. I suggested he move and sit on my lap (hee hee) but he had me sit on his. Then he proceeded to bounce me on his knee. I don't think I've played horsey since I was a child. lmao Then I sat on both legs and he bounced me to the "Lone Ranger" tune. He is so silly. (big grin)

Mike had to leave early for some annual thingamajig that he does. I have no idea what it is. He's been having me guess but I have no idea. I think he just likes keeping the secret so I'll let him have it.

After Mike left, Kelly, Jonathan, and I went to McAlister's for dinner and had a fine time laughing and joking. It was hysterical. Let's just say that at one point there were images of a giant marshmallow penis and a gimp mask. (rolls eyes) I was laughing so hard that I almost cried. By the time we got outside, it was colder -- as Kelly's chest could attest too when she said, "It's a tad bit nipply out here." I thought Jonathan was gonna choke to death.

Overall, I think that it was a successful party. It was certainly fun. By the time I got home after 1a, Mike had already been in bed for an hour and a half. I was fairly successful at crawling in quietly beside him after my shower. It was a good night.

Experiment

Ok, so it's been a little strange lately. Wait, I guess it's been strange for a while. lol Anyway, since Mike came back from PA he hasn't left. He's kind of moved in with me. What is strange is that it just sort of happened and has gone so smoothly that I have to actually think about how weird it should feel. But it doesn't feel weird. It feels natural and normal. I mean, logically we shouldn't even be at this "phase" yet. But we haven't exactly been following a "normal" relationship pattern anyway so I guess this is just par for the course.

After the first week, on the 18th I guess, I asked Mike about it. I didn't want him to think that I had a problem with him being there (just the opposite in fact) but I felt that we should talk about it. We didn't get into too detailed a discussion. He just said that he wanted to experiment with us living together. Well, that was the first time I'd heard anything about it though I had assumed that was probably what was going on. After all, before he went to PA he was complaining about how much time I was taking away from stuff but then he comes back and we're together every day after work. His friends have confirmed that when Mike makes up his mind about something, he does it. Well, yup, he does.

Jonathan and Val have both advised that Mike and I shouldn't completely move in together for a while. That we should have separate residences just in case something happens. Sound advice even though it seems doubtful to the two of us that something major could happen. But you never know. Mike agrees with that assessment. (shrug) It's up to him if he wants to keep a separate place right now. I can't do anything about my living situation until the end of July any way. We've pretty much agreed that we are just going to let the future take care of itself and not worry about it right now. He doesn't mind moving so. . .we'll see later this year. We have discussed where we would like to live and what our requirements are. Definitely want a house that has at least three bedrooms so that we each have a study where we can have space. We need a copious amount of wall space to house all of our books but the rest is pretty much open. I want somewhere with wood floors (cat hair + carpet = yuck) and a dishwasher. Yeah, yeah, I could live without the second thing but I want one. We don't need a place that already has a washer and dryer because I own those already. But a dishwasher would be good. Something out away from the country would be nice but it all depends.

I met his friend, Renee, (she's very nice) yesterday and she suggested that he consider buying a home instead of renting. Yeah, that all makes sense and I've heard it for years. It really is a good idea but we are so not at that phase yet. Better for us to rent something first and then see what happens with my job options when I graduate. The future is very fuzzy for me right now and so I am not even gonna worry about a mortgage deal at the moment. One thing at a time.

So far the "experiment" is going well. We seem to have settled down into a very nice routine. Mike is sleeping pretty well (which was a major concern for both of us before) and that's a good thing. He's actually gotten more sleep than me which surprises him since he's an insomniac. I figure, if we can manage not to kill each other in my tiny apartment, we will so make it in a larger place. I really enjoy sharing my space with him. And, I think, for the most part, he enjoys being there with me. I do think my cats drive him bonkers at times but he is dealing with them. That's good cause they turn twelve this year and, well, it would suck to be forced to choose between them and him. Otherwise, I think things are fine. Mike has started to catch up on his reading and I am starting to catch up on my work. So, onwards and upwards.

Valentine's Day

Needless to say, I was looking forward to Vday this year since I've never had a boyfriend for it (let alone at all). Yeah, I know it's all commercial. Do I look like I care? lol I knew that Mike hadn't gotten me anything because of th trip and not getting paid until Wed. I'd made sure to get his stuff a few weeks ago cause I knew I would be broke by Vday. But that's ok, I just wanted to spend it with him.

I had to work at the store until 4p but I managed to get out at 3p. A stop at the very crowded Kroger took care of the dinner elements. I ran home so that I could wrap up his presents and write a poem in a card for him. I'd written the poem a few weeks ago as an answer to his question of "What is love?" When I read it to Michelle she said, "You do realize that it's saying that you love him?" Yup. Mike had left a message that he would be home about 5:30/6p when I would be in class. I called him back to quickly tell him that I got the message and would see him between 6:30/7p. I was so planning on having a short class. lol

Mike actually walked in a little before 5p. I yelled at him not to enter the living room because I was still copying the poem into the card and had to wrap the presents. It was funny seeing him pause in midstep. lol We chatted and he tried to talk me out of going to class. Oh, yeah, like the reason for that wouldn't have been obvious. lol I actually managed to get home by 6:30p. Mike was asleep. He must have been more tired than he expected. I was going to let him sleep while I started making dinner. See, he had planned to make me some fettucine alfredo. In my stockpile of cut out recipes, I had a decent one for a chicken and broccoli version. So, I figured that I would just get it all together (chopped up) and wake him so he could cook it. He got up not long after that and I shooed him off for a shower while I chopped up stuff. After his shower we wandered around each other and so ended up cooking the dinner together. I have a fairly decent kitchen but I can't wait til we have a better one. It's fun to have someone to cook with and for (but I so want a dishwasher).

While he was finishing it all up, I took a quick shower so that I could put on the nightgown I'd bought last month for just that moment. It's a very lovely red spaghetti strap number that has a matching bra and panties. I have no idea why you'd wear a bra with a nightgown except to help enhance certain areas. lol The material is very light but not sheer. It's very elegant. And Mike liked it a lot. After that surprise for him, we pulled the dinner together and watched Shakespeare in Love. Mike had never seen it and it's one of my all-time favorites. He liked it.

Then it was present time. I'd come across one of last year's Vday beanie bears (the one with the two hearts around the neck that say "I Love You") and so had him sitting on the gifts. Halfway through reading the card, Mike said, "Wow. You're really good. This has potential. You should publish it." (smile) At the end he said that it was the best card ever. Man, am I gonna have a tough time topping myself. (grin) The first wrapped gift was:

The Simple Truth About Love

When I'd seen it in the store, I couldn't resist because of our "What Is Love?" discussion. I love his books. They are so well done. Mike thought it was so funny.

The pièce de résistance of the gift giving was next. Jonathan and I had gone wandering the mall a few weeks ago and I'd dragged him into Things Remembered because I wanted to get Mike something nice and meaningful. I had the idea of a business card holder with his name engraved on it since he carries a fake leather one. I found a nice one that came with a matching pen. What is funny about this is that two days after I'd picked this gift, Mike misplaced the one he was using. Fortunately he found it in his truck. You can imagine my inner panic when he "lost" the darn thing cause I wondered what he would think about the gift in that light. Would he believe that I really had nothing to do with it's absence? Thank God he found it. Whew. lol I think that he really liked it. I'd had his first name, middle initial, and last name engraved on the card case and his three initials engraved on the pen. It's just my little way of showing my support for his dedication to his work.

We snuggled then. I figured that pouncing wouldn't really occur (though I wanted to) cause he actually had to be up really early to drive to Raleigh, NC (which is 3.5 hours away). But, well, I guess Mike figured I deserved a present in return. (big grin) hee hee

Needless to say, we were both exhausted yesterday but I think it was all worth it. On his way home, Mike got a little lost and ended up at a Raleigh mall. Since he has a mall addiction, he naturally stopped in. There he found a Brookstone. He'd been in one up in PA and had found this incredibly soft blanket. So, he picked up one. And he also saw a Godiva store so he bought me some chocolates in a very nice velveteen heart box. It's really nice. I have a large tub that I'm using as an impromptu dresser since I don't have a but one closet. He hid the box in there when I wasn't looking and I found it when I went in to get some pants for bed. awwwwww Mike hid under the blanket when I found it and the whole thing was funny and sweet. Yeah, I know, we're sickening too. hee hee

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Well, I had to wonder what our week apart would do. Would we grow fonder or wander? I really doubted the latter but you never know. The way that my romantic life up until this point has worked would have indicated that the physical distance between us would convert to an emotional one. But, as the title indicates, this was not the case. If anything, the separation helped. I figured that it would be a good thing so that we could take a breath and see how things really stood. I mean, I know how I feel about us -- and that is so odd to think in terms of an us -- but, well, it's hard to know what the other person is thinking unless they tell you. So, I figured that the "break" would somehow clear things one way or another.

I took the day off from the store (I wasn't really needed anyway since Erin was closing with me and she too has a key). Yeah, I could use the money but I wanted the together time with Mike. It's all about priorities. Picking him up at the airport went well. I had been nervous when I first got to the airport but that cleared as I waited. He seemed happy and relaxed. The wall that I'd sensed before didn't to see to be there. I wasn't sure if it was gone or just lowered. But I was happy with what I sensed. I'd promised him cuddles and a massage (no pouncing) when he got back. So, once we got back and got settled in (it was good to have him home), we cuddled on the bed.

At one point, Mike started sniffing my hair and sighed, "Ah, Lynn smell. That's what I missed." awwwwww Then he decided to get playful and tickle my ear. I started giggling and batted his hand away. He hugged me and said, "I missed that too." lol Sickeningly sweet or what?

I thought that Mike would have been exhausted from his Philly romping the night before. He and two of the guys from the school had stayed out late and wandered all around the one section. I was tired too from not getting much sleep on Friday night. But I guess absence can make a cuddle man frisky. lol

So, yeah, it was a good night. We even had another really deep discussion (I honestly have no idea how we end up in them) that did much to clear away the last problem cobwebs left over from the previous weeks. It was an amazing moment.

The Doom DVD came out last week and I had bought it since it is technically our first movie (without other people with us). Our first "real" date movie is actually the new version of Pride and Prejudice. Anyway, we watched that and then Jonathan called to say that Jessica had broken up with him. Poor dear sounded so depressed. He didn't want to be alone so I invited him over. I felt a little guilty because I'd promised Mike an early night but he didn't mind. So, I ended up with the roses that Jonathan had bought for Jessica (they were lovely) and a roadkill friend in my living room. We played some UNO and hashed over everything. I do hope that Mike and I didn't make him feel bad cause as the evening wound down, Mike decided to lay with his head in my lap (I like that when either of us does that) and went into cuddly mode. Jonathan said he was ok with it. I didn't think we were overly obvious but. . .ah well, it's all good. In the end, we didn't get to sleep until Jonathan left at a little after 1a.

On Sunday we slept in and took advantage of just having a lazy day together. No rush to be anywhere or do anything since we overslept for church. We went to Miyo's to get Jessica's side of things. It all came down to Jonathan coming on a little too strong and her feeling pressured. Well, that's understandable since she doesn't know Jonathan as well as Mike and I. Still though, it sucks that the breakup occurred right before Vday. After lunch we went bowling and we think that we found our new hobby. I did rather well and kicked his butt the first two games. He did win the third by 4 points. It was so much fun. We felt like a pair of complete geeks since we both own our own bowling balls (mine was a present from grandfather when I was 14 and his was an undrilled find in the attic). lol

We ended up going to dinner with Jonathan but neither of us was very focused. Sorry about that Jon, but we missed each other. lol

So, the week has been all good. I'll write about Vday in a separate entry. On Monday night, Mike brought over his bicycle from home. That's the only time he's been at his place all week. For the rest of the time we've been coexisting like a homey settled couple. That just blows my mind.

Song Interlude #4

Despite the peachy glean to things right now, I thought I'd leave one final music thought to sum up my feelings about everything last week. This has always been one of my favorite songs (and RS has always been my favorite artist) and it just seemed an appropriate message.

Don't Walk Away
by Rick Springfield

I know what you're doing
You don't want to put the hurt on someone
You've been trying to convince yourself
You're better off if you just turn and run

But I'm gonna hold on tight
I've got a feeling
You'll only happen once to me
And no one, not even you
Is ever gonna make you wrong for me

Don't walk away
Or are you looking for a price to pay
Is that your master plan
Don't walk away
I'll do everything to make you stay
I've got to make a stand
Don't walk away
I'm not afraid
Don't walk away

I don't know where you're going
But I know what you've got on your mind
And I think your fear is showing
You don't leave things like fear behind

And I hate to be the one
To break it to you that
We're only human after all
I can mend a broken wing
I'll give you everything I have

Don't walk away
Or are you looking for a price to pay
Is that your master plan
Don't walk away
I'll do everything to make you stay
I've got to make a stand
Don't walk away
I'm not afraid
Don't walk away

You used to be the one
Who used to be so strong
What happened to your rationale

Your heart is on the line
It happens all the time

Don't walk away
Don't walk away

Don't walk away
Or are you looking for a price to pay
Is that your master plan
Don't walk away
I'll do everything to make you stay
I've got to make a stand
Don't walk away
I'm not afraid
Don't walk away

Catch Up #2 Final Entry

Overall, we got past it. I didn't even really want to post about it but it was a big thing last week. And I had banged my head against the brick wall that Mike has up one too many times. I feel really connected to him but he's been holding back. I don't know what or why but I do know that I care about him enough to give him the time he needs to figure things out for himself. I know how I really feel about things but not really how he does.

On Saturday (February 4th) we were at the one mall and saw teddy bear with a heart that said, "I Love You", on it. He pointed it out. I told him, "By the way, for Valentine's Day, you don't have to get me something that says I love you unless you really feel it. In fact, I don't want anything with any sentiments that you don't actually feel." His response, "How about I like you? I really really really like you?" lol Good enough but I don't think the latter will fit on a heart. ;o)

Oh, one other thing I pointed out to him was that just because we don't seem able to sleep well in the same bed doesn't mean that we are a horrible couple. Granted, at Maya's we had a king-size bed to share (I have a queen), but neither of us slept well despite having more room (he is such a space hog). Of course, I did tell him before the dinner debacle that by saying that he can't sleep well with another person in the same bed he is pretty much subconsciously sabotaging himself so that he won'tbe able to. He is setting himself up to fail by saying it. Val agrees with me on that one. I told him that needing separate beds or even rooms does not mean that we are a horrible couple. Hell, Val and I both just heard two different reports that said that most couples would prefer not to share a bed/room with their significant other. And we both know couples that work quite well being separated. But guess what? We did just fine on Thursday (February 2nd) night. So, there is hope for us. I let him sleep alone in my bed on Friday (he wasn't supposed to stay over but I guess my back massage just relaxed him too much) and the futon on Saturday. And we both slept well and there was no strain on our relationship. Just nice morning cuddles.

Guess we're both bears when we don't get enough good sleep. And that is perfectly understandable and normal.

On Sunday (February 5th) I took him to the airport so he could fly up to PA. As you know from the one interlude, we obviously are all fine right now. I slipped a card into his suitcase along with a bookmark for him to use with the books he took. I also made him take one of my scarves in case he wandered around outside so that he would have extra warmth. What can I say? I like doing things for him.

Jami and her boyfriend took him out again last night and tonight he's off gallivanting around Philly with some of the guys from the training session. I hope that he has a good time.

So, all week I have been trying to catch up on various things. There are just not enough hours in the day. I can't wait to see him tomorrow. So looking forward to picking him up. I took off from the store again. Yeah, I need the hours but I need to spend time with Mike more. Sickening, non? (chuckles) I've promised him a good dinner, a massage, and cuddles.

Catch Up #2H

So, was I being an emotional female in that segment in 2G? Probably. But it wasn't unjustified. I was feeling less like a girlfriend and more like an inconsequential acquaintance. After all, if you're in a relationship, aren't you supposed to want to spend time together? Yes, we'd been spending a lot of time together but it wasn't as if we weren't still doing other things. True, most of our time apart was spent in work but we were doing some of our usual downtime things -- just not as much. But a lot of what we like to do can be done spent in each other's company. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

It's also true that Mike was the one having to drive to my place so that we could spend said time together so he was doing more of the work. However, that wasn't because I wasn't willing to drive to his place. It's because he doesn't want me seeing it until he has some of the projects he's finished some of the projects he's started on it. So, by not letting me come over, he effectively hobbled my ability to meet him halfway on that.

Lastly, I knew that there was something bothering him but he wouldn't tell me what so I became increasingly frustrated. I've been through that kind of thing before: knowing that the other person is upset but because they won't talk to me I can't help (either through simply listening or actively trying to help them come up with a solution) and that hurts a lot. I end up feeling like a secondclass citizen. You can say that it's a guy thing but if that's a case, it's damn frustrating for us women. Especially if said silence is coming from our significant other. grrr lol Also, since he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, I assumed (yes, I know, ass-u-me) that it had to be me because his snarky comments were directed at me.

In the end, despite the advice in the IM, I did end up calling Mike first. It was work related and completely unlooked for and legit. It turned out to be a good thing because me not calling would have completely gone over his head. He told me that he would have figured I would just show up again eventually. lol Ummmm. . .no. See, with a friend that might be the case if we get busy and that's the kind of relationship that we have. But with a boyfriend? Yeah, so not a good sign. The women in my family tend to run towards the silent treatment end of the scale when we're mad. (As he should have noticed at dinner that night when I stopped talking to him after he said that I was pouting when really I was trying not to cry or say something I would regret later. Who says I have no self control? lol)

Anyway, we ended up having dinner together on Tuesday night. We talked over it all and it turned out that I was right that there had been something bothering him but it didn't have anything to do with me. He was frustrated about something. When that happens, he normally finds a creative outlet for releasing it but I was a handy target. I said that it was fine -- I understand why he would use teasing me as an outlet -- but he insisted that it wasn't. Well, no, ok, you shouldn't take out stuff on another person but it is understandable that it happens. Tony said that can be helpful to someone so long as the other person is aware that they aren't the real focus of the sniping. So, had I understood that I wasn't really at the root of the problem, I would have accepted the picking as tension relief.

See, that's one thing that Mike and I have in common: we like to tease each other. We have several running jokes. Mike's never had anyone that he could pick on before and most of the time it's funny and doesn't faze me at all. The problem comes in when the timing is just not the most appropriate. Especially when I'm trying to be obviously serious about something. Then the jokes just come off as though he's not really listening to me. Maybe that's a girl thing. Quite possible. Anyway, such things lead to a communication breakdown. And for two people who are normally quite good at communicating, it's frustrating. I as trying not to overreact (and actually didn't get angry until he said that I would go home later and pout cause that phrasing just showed that he was oblivious to what was going on and felt like he could have cared less about it and thus me -- ah, that is such a girl thing right there) but (shrug). What can I say? Not sure if you can call this our first "fight" when one of us is angry and the other just accepts it but at least it's normal relationship crap. Ah, well, the idyllic phase is so over. lmao

Catch Up #2G

Ok, I think I'm gonna change the format just a little and give you part of an IM session I had with a friend that night (name kept secret until I get permission to say who). It's exact except for little parts that were sidetracks not necessary to this entry. This will give you a good indication of my state of mind after my class that night and provide the necessary information:

Rhythwyn: boo
S: boo who
Rhythwyn: lol nah, that was earlier
Rhythwyn: so now it's boo bradley?
S: huh? Why were you boo who'ing
Rhythwyn: idiot boy. . .Jonathan has forbidden to call him tomorrow like I said I would
S: oh no...what happened
S: are you okay?
Rhythwyn: yeah, I'll be fine. . .I just don't know what to do with him. . .the short of it is that I'm just frustrated and grrrr, I almost cried at dinner but managed not to. Mike thinks he's teasing me but some of the things he said sting.
S: well you don't need to take that at all
S: grrrr...that makes me mad
Rhythwyn: I even paid for my dinner cause I wanted to make a point. He was surprised but I spared his feelings. Jonathan says that I should stop thinking of him at such times.
S: you just need to talk with him...but I would give it a day to let things cool off a little...so you're not so mad and hurt
Rhythwyn: well, I'm less angry than I was earlier
S: good...
Rhythwyn: Jon says I'm not being unreasonable though I think I am.
Rhythwyn: It's just that I feel like I'm the only one in the relationship right now. He seems to be playing visitor. I know that he has to work but there are times that he acts like he doesn't want to spend any time with me. And he's gonna be gone all next week so I kind of wanted a little "extra" this week. Though he has changed his mind about me taking him to the airport and then picking him up.
S: what do you mean changed his mind?
Rhythwyn: When he first said he was going. . .I offered to give him a ride to the airport and he said no. I asked if he wanted me to pick him up. No. I said if I did, we could spend time together but he said he'd be too tired and just want to sleep when he got back. So, no us time. Tonight I asked him again and he said, "That would be so great!" I asked if he wanted me to pick him up. "That would be even better."
S: well that's good
Rhythwyn: Of course, he did say it was because it would save him money after that but it made me happy that we would have the whole "airport" scenario.
S: I'm gonna have to kick him in the arse
Rhythwyn: But later at dinner he was giving me a hard time about spending Fri and Sat with him before he left. I even gave Jonathan my Sat night hours so that we could have all afternoon and evening. He KNEW that because I asked him what he thought about the idea on Thursday. He liked the idea then. I reminded him this weekend but he forgot about it.
Rhythwyn: He gave me a hard time about sleeping over because he needs rest. And he wasn't able to sleep well Sat night because every little thing I do wakes him up. He said, "It's you but it's not your fault."
S: geez
Rhythwyn: And he's supposed to be in Charleston for the rest of the week and since he lives south of Cola, it's too much trouble to come up here for dinner tomorrow night if he gets back at a decent hour. . .same for Thursday. I did ask if he'd like me to come down to Charleston on Thursday to have a romantic dinner but he didn't seem as happy with the idea as he did last time.
S: pull back a little he might feel like it's moving a little fast
Rhythwyn: And on Friday, if he is in Charleston again, what's the point in coming over. He KNOWS I purposefully don't work Fri nights because I designated them Mike nights.
S: let him call you next time...don't make any plans...better yet make plans when he doesn't call and let him wonder where you are
Rhythwyn: Oh, sure, it's moving too fast but he talks about our future.
S: well....give him something to think about. Don't be so accomodating
Rhythwyn: Hell, I told him that I wanted to go to the theatre this weekend and would get the tickets and he acted like it was a major imposition. I even offered to get the tickets for Saturday instead of Friday since he may not get back in town in time for a show.
S: so go without him....
Rhythwyn: Hell, I wasn't even expecting him to pay for the show. . .just wanted to have a real "date".
S: seriously...make plans and go without him...tell him you figured that he didn't want to go so you made plans
S: he'll probably just collapse when he gets back anyway
Rhythwyn: What scares me is that he may not really care.
S: well, there's only one way to find out
Rhythwyn: He acts like he does but then he does this shit.
S: and if he doesn't or doesn't show you the respect you deserve then better to find out now than a year from now right?
S: I think you're scaring him
S: he's not used to all this
S: you need to back up a little bit and take things a little slower
Rhythwyn: Hell, I've been scaring him. I know, I know
Rhythwyn: I think I need to back up like ten states.
S: no...not that far...just don't call and see what hapens
S: it may kill you but do it...let him make some of the moves
Rhythwyn: Well, yeah. He has to cause Lord knows that he doesn't have a clue. I'm not trying to make his life difficult but he keeps teasing me that I am.
S: his sarcastic comments might be a little bit of back lash that he's feeling a little tied down
Rhythwyn: Yeah, I had already firgured that much.
S: you didn't go to thearpy for nothin huh? So here's the plan...don't call him and see how long it takes for him to call you. Don't call. Don't invite him over...just wait it out. can you do that?
Rhythwyn: I swear to God. . .if I can't make this work, I'm going into a mummery.
Rhythwyn: nunnery
S: lol...then give him some space
Rhythwyn: Yeah, I can do that. Cause Lord knows I am feeling burned out. Just talking to him makes me smile. Hell, he even decided tonight that he was gonna make me a VDay dinner
S: but that doesn't mean he should treat you like shit either...but that happens a lot when women are accomodating and there at a man's beck and call.
Rhythwyn: But I can't handle this yo-yo shit.
S: exactly...so give him a taste of his own medicine. Just because you are nice doesn't mean you have to take shit
Rhythwyn: And this isn't the end of the world or relationship. Just a bump.
S: Well...it's trying to find your relationship happy place?
Rhythwyn: yes
S: feel better?
Rhythwyn: I mean, am I insecure? yes Do I have reason to be? yes
S: exactly
S: and he knows all this....he's just being cantankerous
Rhythwyn: But it's not just me. . .Jonathan was so pissed at him
Rhythwyn: yes I feel better. . .ty
S: yw
Rhythwyn: hell, Jonathan is doing more for Jessica than Mike is for me and they aren't even established yet. We all got together tonight so I could help Jon set a mood for her tomorrow night.
S: oh lord...lol
S: hon...Ihate to cut you off...but I've got toothpicks in my eyes
S: holding them open
Rhythwyn: They are trying to spend time together but Mike seems to be fighting that more than wanting it.
Rhythwyn: No problem. I will be home by 8p tomorrow night
S: I will call you tomorrow promise! Okay...tomorrow you and I on the phone--it's a date!
S: lol
Rhythwyn: woo hoo!
S: Don't sweat all this stuff honey..it's just new relationship jitters is all
Rhythwyn:
Rhythwyn: You sure?
Rhythwyn: stupid normal shit?
S: yeah....he wouldn't have taken you to see his mother otherwise..I don't care what he says
S: he's just feeling a little cramped right now...GIVE HIM SPACE....I mean it. Let him call you
Rhythwyn: yesm
S: Good girl!
Rhythwyn: he wants space, I'll give him space
Rhythwyn: I'd already planned on it anyway. . .just can't handle myself when I see him though. lol
S: but don't be snarky about it now...tomorrow we will have a major pow wow and I'll tell you whats to do
Rhythwyn: okok Sounds like a plan
Rhythwyn: Love ya much
Rhythwyn: and tytytytyty
S: yw....love ya bunches darlin!!!! I"ll talk to you tomorrow
Rhythwyn: talk with ya then. . .I'll log on when I get home
Sreynoldswrtr: k
Sreynoldswrtr: nite
Rhythwyn: night

Catch Up #2F

This entry is a part of a journal entry.

January 30th:

[the following part was written in the morning while I was at the kiosk again and bored]

Mike and I were in Atlanta for part of the weekend. His company's annual business meeting/awards banquet is in Marietta. So, after class I drove down to Maya's [another friend whom I've known for a really long time -- almost 13 years] and he met me there. It was nice. We went for a walk with Maya and Cole [her son]down to a little park. Mike pushed me on the swing at one point. Maya got hit on by a ten year old. lol

Mike told me that he wants to win employee of the year or at least runner-up. The latter gets two extra paid vacation days and $500 while the former gets a week's vacation anywhere in the world. Gee, wonder where he would go. I asked if it would be just him or him and a guest. The latter. I was like, "Well, I have a passport. Now we need to just get you one." He agreed and was all excited. We joked about how everyone would react if I said, "Ok, well, I need next week off cause I'm going to Tokyo." lol

I don't know. We've already fallen into a kind of routine. Maya says that she can't imagine me with anyone else. That I've done well in my choice. I agree but. . .how does he really feel about it? Has he done well and made a good choice? I hope so but he teases me so much about how difficult I've made his life that I wonder how much of what he says like that is the truth. Well, yes, I know that I have complicated things but he seems to be enjoying himself. But I can't help but wonder.

There was a brief mention about me being insecure (when he was over on Thursday night). It's true. I have good reason. Yeah, I guess that's something difficult. But isn't that one thing I need more to work on than him? Yes, it affects him but it is something that I can control.

One thing that I can't control is the fact that he doesn't sleep well when we're together, Neither do I but I think that could get better with practice. He saus no which subconsciously blocks him from improving. Maybe I should just stop asking if he slept well. then he could stop saying things like, "Not really." And, "It's you but it's not your fault." (wigh) Then I could feel less hurt and guilty.

[That was as far as I got in my thoughts about the weekend, etc. The following is what I started later that night in class while my students were taking a quiz.]

In class now and I'm having trouble with my concentration because of what happened at dinner with Mike. I can't even tell you how many emotions I went through tonight. I am getting so sick of yo-yoing.

Ok, Jonathan wanted my help in planning a romantic evening with Jessica. This I had found out after suggesting doing dinner with Mike. I called Mike and suggested he join us. Just talking to him made me smile.

I was still smarting from the weekend. [I'm referring to Mike's teasing about how "difficult" and "complicated" I've made his life. He did it a lot over the weekend. That was as far as I got with the entry so I'll finish what happened in catch up #2G.]

Poem Interlude

Thoughts
by Lynn Kramer

You lie beside me
But are you with me?
You ask what
Are you writing?
I respond so
Vaguely and noncommittally.
This is my hour
To contemplate and be
Dark within my mind
Moody from out my soul.
This is when I am
Most reflective and wont
To talk of serious things,
Of deep thoughts.
But the truth is that
There are times when
I really don't know
What will flow from
My inner mind
To my outer pen.
There are times when
I don't know anything.

January 28, 2006

Not my best poem but I think it showcases my reflective mood that night.

Catch Up #2E

January 24th to 27th:

Mike didn't end up coming over on that Tuesday because of work and still being exhausted/sick. So, I didn't actually get to see him until Thursday which was fine. I missed him but we both really did have stuff to do and need a breather. Up until the 22nd, we'd only spent about 6 days apart (without seeing each other at all) since I got back from PA. Thursday was a good night in. He didn't stay over because he had to drive to GA on the 27th for his company's annual meeting.

Catch Up #2D

The following is the journal entry that I wrote in my one notebook on Monday, January 23rd (the comments in brackets are added thoughts from me as I copy the entry):

God. . .I am the world's biggest idiot. Paranoia thy name is Lynn. (sigh) I hate being an emotional creature.

See, on Saturday I was in a blech mood from being "sick" all week and still hurting that day. Needed more sleep too. Mike was in a mood on Saturday when I met him at the flea market. I'd told him to come to the store later so he could get me food. lol Very demanding of me, I know. And cause I wanted him to do a few things for me. [interjection: I wanted him to pick up wrapping paper and a card for Jonathan's bday present but he didn't know that].

Well, he never showed up at the store. I called but he didn't answer. He didn't call back. So, I began to wonder if I'd annoyed him or upset him. Yeah, typical me behavior. It didn't help that I wasn't feeling well. [read: overly hormonal]

I thought maybe he would be home when I got there but he wasn't. [another insert: I'd given Mike a key to my place. It made sense for the sake of convenience since I work Saturday nights and this way he could just get in instead of waiting for me.] Part of me hadn't wanted him to be because I wanted to sulk (mope). And I knew that I needed sleep. But even though I could sleep in, I woke up at 8a. I was exhausted but my brain wouldn't listen. I'd been in bed by midnight but sleep was eh.

I got up to call Mike about church. Figured that if Jonathan had been right, and Mike had done another of his passed out marathons [this happened once before], he'd be awake by then. No answer.

Let me interject something here. [this interjection is not current thought but an original part of the entry] Part of me wasn't really concerned by this odd behavior. Deep inside I felt rather calm. But consciously I questioned this and began to wonder what it meant. Had I been fooling myself about my own feelings in this relationship? Did a lack of true concern mean that all of the gooey feelings were superficial? Or was this really a true relationship and I was just being an idiot for all of the previous questions? And Mike thinks that he overanalyzes things.

I left a message and attempted more sleep. But I'd no sooner end up in REM sleep than my conscious brain would jerk me awake. I gave up a little after 9a and called Jonathan. Left a message and called Val. Poor thing, I woke her up. I needed someone to tell me that I shouldn't just show up at his church.

Jonathan called me back while I was talking to Val so I returned his call when I was done. He was puzzled too by Mike's poofing. I told him that Val recommended I let Mike call me except for a call to him about what Jon and I were doing for his bday. I let him decide about that. Val also suggested I not get defensive and wait until I wasn't angry. Well, anger came and went -- I couldn't sustain it. Has to do with that interjected paragraph above.

Jonathan and I met for lunch at the Miyo's on Forest. He's been talking to a Jessica there. See, one of my former students is a manager there. We'd gone in two weeks ago and I told Jenny that we needed to find Jon a girlfriend. I figured she'd know people of the right age range,etc. She suggested Jessica who I had had as a regular waitress over at the Main location. Well, Jenny slyly gave Jon Jessica's number. They've been chatting since then so Jon knew that she was working lunch yesterday.

So, we had a good lunch. Jonathan had called and left Mike a message about where we were. I knew Mike wouldn't come. Jonathan liked his gift. I'd chosen a very nice super hero coffee table book for him from Mike and I. The card was a good one too. Thank God Kroger has a good Hallmark selection.

After that we met back at my place so we could come to the mall. (I was stuck working the kiosk this morning.) I needed a new watch battery and wanted my new day planner.

I hate that I was moody and depressed but. . .blech. Wish it hadn't happened on Jonathan's bday.

Then we went back to my place and Jon finished fixing my printer. He left about 6p because we both had stuff to do. I graded quizzes and cried a little. Ate dinner and watched some anime (Full Metal Panic -- Mike wants to dress us up as two of the characters for a conference). Then I cried some more and wrote desperate poems and the beginning of a depressing story. [erk I hate not editing that part out lol]

It's just that I've been wrong so many times before about a guy. I know Mike is different but. . .I've got these PTSD-like (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) reactions to work through. And I'm trying not to subject him to so much of that crap. I think the only thing that kept me from going over the edge are the memories of how we are together. I am so truly comfortable with him. So completely safe. Jonathan's right. . .I'm in love with him.

I was trying so hard not to admit that to myself. I had told Jonathan on Saturday night that I have been holding back on saying it out loud to Mike in those moments when I knew I felt it but he has said that I shouldn't hold back. If I feel it, then I should say it.

I haven't because. . .it's huge. And I don't know if he feels the same way. Will it matter if he doesn't say it back to me? Not really but it might be pushing things. I don't know.

Anyway, I did manage to sleep. I had told Jonathan when he called me around 9p (to tell me that he was going with Jessica and some of her co-workers to see Brokeback Mountain) that I was going to call him today at 11a to see what was up because waiting would be too hard for me.

I was ok when I got up. Pretty moderate mood though I was antsy to get the call over with. I finally broke down at 10:50a. Well, it was all fine. In fact, he was listening to my messages when I called. Turns out he was sick and had pretty well passed out for the entire weekend. His phone was charging in his truck and it didn't charge right anyway. Sheesh.

I was so relieved that I couldn't berate him for not calling. I did admit to being highly upset. And that I know I was silly for doing so but. . . . (sigh)

So it's all ok. I'm now in class at FJ and the students are doing their quiz. Mike, Jonathan, and I had dinner together at Fatz. Jon needed to borrow my mixer so he could make up some cheesecake for Jessica when she comes over to his place on Wed. night.

Mike might come over tomorrow night and make dinner for me. I have premade chicken from Publix that needs to be cooked up. Maybe I'll stop at Kroger on the way home for some veggies. I need more echinacea anyway.

I am so glad that I am just an idiot. We did get on him for not calling but it's all cool. Whew.

Song Interlude #3

Well, the lack of sleep began to take it's toll on us both. Mike went poof during the weekend of January 21st and 22nd. I had no idea what was going on. We had a pretty serious discussion on Saturday that made me think that he had gone poof completely. Now, you have to understand, Mike is apparently known for disappearing for a while without warning and he's told me that if he ever does, not to take it personally. But, well, I did. And so, the soundtrack for me changed more to the following:

Hear Me
by Kelly Clarkson

Hear me
Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me

Song Interlude #2

Mike and I continued to spend a lot of time together. And while we aren't as, um, jackrabbit bunnyish as one would expect, this song just kept playing out of the blue (on the radio and my random iPod setting) to the point that I found it hysterical. Oh my God, it just came on my iPod. Talk about timing. lmao I love this song!

Animals
by Nickelback

I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight
I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out
I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing
Screamin'

[CHORUS]
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in

You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth
'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch
I'm screamin'

[CHORUS]

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Look at the trouble we're in

We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered "what was that?"
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
"That's my dad outside the car!"
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while
we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing
Screamin'

[CHORUS]

So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
Get in, just get in

Catch Up #2C

Before I start this one I want to say a word about the song interludes. I listen to a lot of music and I tend to gain inspiration from it. Actually, I use it for a lot of things. So, while the songs are not my own (and yes, I do write poetry and songs), the words still mean something to me. Jonathan suggested I put a song on my blog to show how I feel about Mike and I but there isn't just one song. We don't have a "song" yet because we agree that there are too many. Maybe some day we'll settle on one as "our" song but for now we have many. So, my song interludes are some of the songs that have been striking me as particular lately. There are more that I won't include but the ones I do say what I need them to.

Ok, onwards and upwards.

January 13th - January 15th

Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep Thursday/Friday (12th/13th). I was absolutely peachy when I got up the next day though. I made Mike and I breakfast and saw him off to work before I had to head to the store. It was so nice. If I remember correctly, I got into a snit either Friday or Saturday night (13th or 14th). About what I can't remember but I know that I was being a petulant brat and I also know that I didn't much care as Mike seemed impervious to it. Really, I keep expecting him to snap my head off sometimes and when he doesn't, I am shocked. I am so not used to this. The men in my family tend to take everything out on those around them and, even though I know Mike is so much better than that, so I keep bracing for that. But nope, doesn't happen.

Take for example the first night I had him over in December. . .we'd had a good evening of hanging out and talking. Mike didn't leave until midnight and I walked him out to his car (this would be before Christmas). It was cold so Mike started his truck to warm it up and then closed the door behind him. The door hadn't shut right but Mike couldn't open it because it was locked. He didn't realize this fact until he bounced it completely shut. I was a little slower on the uptake. No spare keys. Oh, boy. . .just what he needed: a locked and running truck. I laughed at first but quickly cut it off cause I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I've locked my keys in before (never while the car was running but Mike is an overachiever) so I understood. I don't have wire hangers so I wasn't much help there until I realized that, for some reason, someone had left some behind in a personal recycle bin next to the house. We'd already called the locksmith but he was taking forever to get to us (turned out that someone had locked a child in a car). So, I held a flashlight for Mike while he tried to jerryrig the lock. Unfortunately, nothing Mike did could get it to work. Anyway, I kept expecting him to blow up and yell at me. Hell, my father or brothers would have and somehow it would have been all my fault. But there was none of that. In fact, just the opposite as Mike was laughing at himself. We did work fairly well together on it and that was a very good moment and priceless in the experience it gave me.

But I digress away from that weekend.

So, I got into some kind of snit and Mike just rolled with it. In the morning I apologized for being a brat and it was all good.

On Sunday we had plans to go up to NC to see various people. The first were my friends, Rebecca and Nathan. Rebecca had worked with me at the store until last summer when Nate graduate from the Lutheran seminary here. He's been searching for a parish ever since. Well, Rebecca had called me to say that Nate was going to be giving the sermon at one of their local churches so that a committee from another parish could review him. I asked if she would like Mike and I to come up and she was happy about the idea. This also gave me a chance to take some manga books to her since I've been helping keep her supplied in them. Mike and I got up early and made it to Rebecca's parents' house just a few minutes late. We were ok but for the traffic and so Rebecca was speeding a little but not much. We would have made it a little early if not for a speed trap (we're talking less than a mile of a limit change). None of us had a clue where the cop came from and Rebecca wasn't going as fast as he claimed but we didn't have time to argue. Poor dear.

We did get to the church before the service started. Rebecca dragged us up to the very first pew. The service was a little different than what I'm used to. They do a variation I'm not familiar with but it was fine. It was a little too ritualistic for Mike. (shrug) I find a certain comfort in that but then, it's what I'm used to. I'd still like him to go to church with me up home so he can see where I belong (I never joined a church down here). Nathan did a really good job. Wish he were our pastor up home. I think he'd do a much better job than our current one. Mike did enjoy that part. I wasn't feeling well after the service which ended up explaining my moodiness. I hate being a woman sometimes.

After church we went and had some Japanese food (it just now occurs to me that we did the same thing after Mike's church's service too lol). Then we went back to Rebecca's parents' and had a lovely chat. Michelle was expecting us some time in the afternoon. I hadn't gone to her place for Christmas like planned because I had been way too tired to drive up in nasty weather and Michelle was exhausted too. So, we needed to exchange gifts. The visit was short but nice. Mike and Michelle had briefly met back in September when she'd come down to the store for Angela's signing. It was about that time that my presence had begun to sink into Mike's thick and clueless skull (which he will admit because, up until then, he hadn't even realized that I existed even though we'd been chatting and flirting all summer -- sheesh). But neither really remembered the other so it was like starting anew.

The biggest part of going up was the final meeting -- Mike's mother. I was nervous, to say the least. See, Mike hadn't really told her that he was dating anyone. In December, when she asked him if he was seeing anyone, his reply was, "Well, there is this annoying bookseller who's been dragging me all over the place." But he gave no details beyond that. Originally he had planned on not telling her that I was coming with him but he did in the end though he still hadn't explained our relationship. As I expected, she had suspected something because she took our togetherness in a much less shocked manner than if she had been clueless. I had helped Mike pick out her Christmas present so I was glad to see her reaction. She loved it -- a Precious Moments mother figurine. What I didn't expect was her asking us to explain about it at dinner. lol She'd figured out that I had a hand in it even though I hadn't said anything. After all, she'd been out of the room when I nudged Mike and said, "I told you she would like it. lol

At dinner I got a billion questions from her but it was all good. She is a very nice woman. That I expected considering how nice Mike is. I did purposely leave at the end of the meal to go to the bathroom so that they would have a moment alone. I mean, the trip was legit but I timed it on purpose. I don't know what they said to each other but when I got back to the table, Mike stood and gave me a kiss. I don't know if his mother saw it but I was so touched by the gesture (it was our first pda of that sort). It meant a lot.

Back at her house, we chatted for a little bit and, much to Mike's horror, I got to see some baby pictures of him. He was sooooo cute! Such an adorable baby. I wonder what happened. ;o) Just kidding. She's promised to show me more next time. Can't wait. I did hear her tell Mike that he'd done well and I know that comment was about me. (grin) Well, yeah, I think we both have.

We didn't stay long because it was late and we both had to be up early for work. Mike actually fell asleep in the car on the way back. It was just so comfortable with him beside me as I drove us home (he lives out of his truck for work so he has too much in it for him to drive). Mike was surprised that he fell asleep but I wasn't. I think it shows his trust and comfort with me. (smile)

Overall, it was a very good weekend.

Song Interlude

Head Over Feet
by Alanis Morissette

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Non Sequitur #2

Ok, so, it's all very strange. . .Mike is up in PA without me. lol He's up near Philly for a training school for the entire week. I can't believe that he's hanging out around my old stomping grounds without me. He's so close to my farm that I feel like this week is an episode of the "Twilight Zone." And last night he had dinner with Jami cause she wanted to meet him. Yes, I would have preferred introducing them myself but I don't mind. Poor Mike. I am so glad that I warned him that Jami is like me on crack (cause she's so damn hyper at times that she would make Tigger tired). I did tell him that he wasn't under any obligation to actually go to dinner with her but I am very pleased that he did. Jami called me while he was in the bathroom and left a very hyper message on my answering machine (I was on my way home from class). The message was about how wonderful he is, etc. and he came back to the table and heard part of the message. lmao I could just see it too because Jami caught herself short when she saw him and burst into peels of nervous laughter. The message was too damn funny. I called her right back (about 20 minutes after she'd left the message) and the first words out of my mouth were, "Are you trying to embarrass the crap out of him?" lol Man, she was the most hyper I've heard her in a long time.

Jami absolutely adores Mike and says that she can see why I like him. She thinks that he is a genuinely nice guy (snort -- that's only cause she hasn't seen his sadistic side lol) and perfect for me. Well, that we are perfect for each other. She was blown away by his intelligence (well, duh, I said that he was -- you think I could be with an idiot?). I think that they had a great time together last night and I am so very happy about it. To think, one of my bestest friends (I'll have known Jami for 14 years this coming September) and my boyfriend having a good dinner together and plotting against me. And yes, I know they were cause they told me. (emits a long suffering sigh) Ah, well. Mike was a sweetheart and wouldn't let Jami pay for dinner even though I told him that she had intended to take him out. I can't say that I'm surprised by that gesture because he is very much a gentleman.

I spoke with Jami later on and her boyfriend, Alan, who decided that since Jami got to go out with Mike, he should take him out to dinner tonight. lol Dunno if Jami will actually give Alan the necessary phone # but who knows? Alan is a great guy (he and Jami have been together for a few years) and I'm sure that they would enjoy each other's company. And Jami offered to take Mike and some of the guys at the session down into Philly for some site seeing. lol Poor Mike, he's gonna get more social interaction than he had bargained for but I think it would be good for him not to be cooped up in the hotel all week. And there will still be things for me to show him when we go up for a visit. I would like to go up in July because the weather should be to his liking and everything will be so pretty. We can go bike riding around the farm and stuff like when I was a kid. And sleep outside (Jami has offered us the use of her tent) under the stars. (sigh) It would be nice. Well, all, this will have to tide you over until my office hours this afternoon. I have some errands to run before class and work to do. Hugs.

Catch Up #2B

Note: If you have not read the posting down below (2 below) do so before reading this one.

January 9th-13th: So it was a good weekend and everything. It was a little bittersweet for me because of the nagging memories from the past. They were leaching the color from my hours with Mike. Fear and dread that I was about to repeat certain parts of the past replaced the colors with gray. I knew that things were different with Mike but. . . . That has got to be the largest three letter word in the English language: BUT. Anyway, I knew that I was in danger of falling in love with him and that I couldn't allow myself to do that without knowing for sure where we stood with things. And I couldn't move forward with stuff without being open with him. I hadn't been dishonest about anything but there were things that needed to be said. I had come so close to saying what I needed to say but the words stuck in my throat. Can you imagine me unable to speak? Yes, it is possible. So I wrote it all out in an epic style poem.

I asked Mike to come over on Tuesday night cause I needed to talk with him. He ended up coming over on Monday (9th) instead. It was late when we finally talked and we were both so tired that I almost didn't say anything. Some of you know that I get at my most serious late at night. That is when I am most likely to have serious discussions. But I knew that I was being obtuse and cryptic and Mike didn't deserve that so. . . . And yes, I will remain cryptic with you. There are some things that I will not publish in so public a place. My friends may ask me in private if they don't know what I'm referring to. Anyway, he listened and thought and was wonderful. He totally left certain things up to me. And that was exactly what I needed. We spent the night cuddled in my bed. Sleep was restless on one hand but oh so great on another. And my morning "alarm" was really fun. lol

We spent Tuesday night together too. It was all so exhausting and fun at the same time. I knew that we wouldn't be able to keep that up forever but damn if I wasn't going to enjoy the chance.

Thursday night into Friday morning turned out to be the biggest time of all for us. Let's just say that, well, it CAN be all that they say it is. I have never felt so close to another human being in all my life. Did it go smoothly? No. Hell, we're both learning and so there has to be a curve. But, no matter what else happens. . .it was perfect and I have no regrets. I was surprised at myself for being able to but I think that has so much to do with how wonderful Mike was about everything. And I so wanted to give him something that would show how much I felt for him. I so wanted him to have something we only read about in books or see at the movies. I can only hope that it really was for him as much as for me.

Non Sequitur

I just have to interject a brief entry about my FJ speech class. They are too funny. Tonight they had to do a few mini speeches: ad comparisons, commercials, and demos. I have a bunch of lushes and perverts in this group. Oh, wait, I think that happens in most of my classes. Lol Actually, mostly for the FJ groups. Must be the military influence. ;o)

Anyway, one person decided to demo how to pour a Guinness. Another went through the process of making moonshine. For a change, one of the army guys demo’d how to set up an IV in a person’s arm. No one was willing to volunteer so he did it on himself! Yuck. Actually, he had someone “help” who supposedly had a clue but it didn’t go as well as if he had done it to himself. But he just went on and explained why the vein collapsed and he ended up bleeding. Double yuck. I’m surrounded by masochists. One poor girl couldn’t watch at all because she has a fear of needles. Hell, I was happy to have grading points to add up so I didn’t have to watch either. I'll save that reason for another time. Then one of the girls roped one of the guys into doing a commercial with her for Eharmony. That was cute cause of getting him to blush. Then another army guy got them both up so that he could do his commercial. He didn't tell them what it was, just that they were to act like a lovey dovey couple. Their faces were too funny when we all found out it was a commercial for genital herpes! lmao There are days I really love my classes.

Catch Up #2

Yeah, I know that I said that I would be better with this. But whoo boy. . .what a month! I can't believe that January has gone poof so quickly. It's all Mike's fault. lol No, no, I can't completely blame him. I share some of it. But most of what has gone on over the past month has Mike at the center of it and I just didn't feel right about posting it out here. However, after him saying to me yesterday that I hadn't written in a long time and me giving him that explanation, he has told me that he doesn't care if I write about the stuff here. But just so you know, I am going to be somewhat using a filter on details. Keyword: somewhat. Mike thinks that my posting and him answering could be fun. Just look at the "Addiction" entry and then the responses and you'll see what I mean. And I took that permission to heart and showed that entry to my English students today because we were talking about psychology, etc. lol Let the fun begin!

I may break this up into multiple entries because I think that this may get too long otherwise. I'll do it in week spurts which means that there will be 4 new entries with this being the first. I will write and submit the others over the course of the next few days with any new stuff at the beginning of the entry. K? Sounds like a plan to me. So here goes:

Weekend of January 7th and 8th: I don't think that Saturdays (except for this past one and the upcoming one -- you'll see why later) are all that interesting because I teach in the morning and work at the store in afternoon. So, unless something cool happens at either place, those are downtime days. Now, Sundays are a different matter altogether because neither Mike nor I have to work then. That means I figure Friday nights and Sundays are designated Mike times. Any other times we get together are gravy.

Having said that, the 7th was a special Saturday because I had suggested to Mike that he stay over at my place because I only live 5 minutes from his church (and 15 from his work. . .how weird is that?) and he lives on the opposite end of town (read: 45 minutes away). I had insisted on going to church with him for 2 reasons: 1) was feeling the urge to go to church and 2) I could meet a good chunk of his friends. Him staying over seemed like a good and convenient idea to me. So, he met me after work was done and, if I remember correctly, went to IHOP with Jonathan for some late food. When we got back to my place, we just snuggled on the couch and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. It was REALLY late and I was tired. I managed to get up without him waking fully. I put a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket before going to bed.

The morning came quickly but I was hyped up with nerves over meeting his friends. After all, these are people he's known all of his life and I was going to come as something of a surprise. I can't remember exactly how but at some point Mike and I were laying on my bed cuddled up next to me and not in the least hurry to get up. But I was not about to be distracted by a yummy makeout session. Whew. Eventually I made him take a shower while I made breakfast. And it was so nice and comfy. Now, any of you who know me and my morning habits know that I am so not a morning person. I am usually grumpy and antisocial. But this was different. It just felt right and flowed well. I have NEVER had that with anyone. The closest I've ever come to a civil morning routine has been with Valerie or Laurent & Natalie. But even that didn't feel as comfortable as this. We didn't need to talk to each other, just move together in synchronicity.

I chose to wear a skirt and nice sweater. Wasn't sure what people would be wearing but I wanted to look nice. We actually got to the church a little after the minister had started his early morning litany of hellos and prayer requests to the congregation. Now, Mike grew up Methodist and I grew up Lutheran which, while both Protestant, are pretty different in their services. So, I felt a little awkward walking in the middle of something but it was ok. Well, ok until the minister said, "It's good to have Mike with us here today and I see that he brought a pretty young lady with him." Given Mike's wallflower claims, I would have thought that he would blush harder than he did. lol I found it amusing that the stained glass window next to us was dedicated to "Jerry Butler." lol The service was interesting. A little more political than I would have expected but very informative.

We did endure curious glances and stuff but no one made me feel awkward about being there. In fact, just the opposite. His friends just accepted it as a fact and let me slide right into the group. They are very nice and have great senses of humor. They did pick on Mike a little for not telling them about me but one of the women said that she had suspected something. I just knew that saying I was an "annoying bookseller who was dragging him all over the place wasn't much of a smoke screen.

All of us went for Japanese for lunch. The same woman I mentioned above and I exchanged emails so that we can plot Mike's birthday. hehe That should be fun. Oh, nothing over the top. I promised him that I wouldn't have singing waiters involved if he did likewise for me. So, none of that. The day was really nice so we decided to take a walk down by the canal. I didn't know it was a five mile walk but that was ok. My foot managed to hold up all right. It was nice and relaxing. There were times when we didn't have to say anything. Mike actually talked a lot and that was cool. Near the end of the walk we just stood and looked at the water. It was very idyllic. I was a little sad because every moment I was feeling closer to him than any man before but it was shadowed by the past. He even carved our initials into something and that gesture was just so sweet I had tears in my eyes. Yes, I can be a mushball sometimes.

And this is where I will leave you for now because I have some grading that must get done.