And Flights of Angels Sing Thee to Thy Rest

I am very sad today. My heart feels a little more broken. Last night at about 10:50pm, Shaman breathed her last on our bed. In December she'd had to take antibiotics because her kidney enzymes were too high. That was fixed easily enough. Then, on January 29th, I found out she had hyperthyroidism like Miri. Well, no big deal, right? We can treat that. She didn't like taking pills again but it was ok. That week we got another cat to be her playmate so she'd get more exercise. I'll write about Hydona more in another blog. Well, Shaman was doing fine until last Wednesday. She started throwing up. Nowhere nearly as bad as Miri but I wasn't wasting time and took her to the vet. A different doc said she had some kind of intestinal bug so he prescribed Hill's ID formula. That was supposed to be mild enough to help flush out her system. Problem was she stopped eating on Saturday. She was still drinking but wouldn't do more than sniff at food. I took her back on Monday and saw her original vet (who is very nice and very good). There were a few things that could be wrong. She had the lump in her thyroid and some hardening in her intestines. He took blood work and the only thing off besides her thyroid was her white blood cell count. Ok, so she had an infection. They gave her a shot of antibiotics. If there was nothing else, by Tuesday she would be perky and eating. Nope. So we went back Tuesday night. Dr. Blaise was very concerned about the intestines and said that it could be one of two things: cancer or irritable bowel disorder. Either one would respond well to steroid injections. But there was no guarantee. If it was the former, Shaman had a chance of it not working and then we were out of options.

So, he gave her a short term steroid to see if she bounced back. Oh, and they had also hydrated her both days. She had 48 hours to respond to the steroid. Well, about 11a on Wednesday, Shaman threw up again and it was bad. . .blood and a huge clot. She did it again Wednesday afternoon minus the clot. Dr. Blaise wanted me to try feeding her baby food through a syringe so I did in the evening. She didn't throw it up. I kept in contact with the vet via email because he was off. But it didn't look good. However, yesterday morning she was bright eyes and more perky. Well, I have class so I took her with me so I could get more food in her. Shaman did all right at first but then at 1:55p she had diarrhea and it was bloody. So, after that last afternoon class I brought her home and canceled my evening class. Shaman crawled into the bath tub (that was her hiding place for some reason). I kept checking on her. About 8p Michael and I went in and she was laying on her side and had that look. . .the dying look. I've seen it so much in animals that I knew it was nearing the end. So I wrapped her up in the towel I had been using so she could smell me and held her for a while. Then we went into the bedroom and stayed with her. We both petted her and talked to her. She purred for me to let me know she knew I was there. Whenever she was scared I calmed her down. She had one last physical struggle to get up before she settled into a doze and then into permanent rest. We pet her for a little while longer and then I gave Michael one of my t-shirts to wrap her in. We put her in a box and will be burying her in the backyard tonight.

Here is my favorite picture of her:



Shaman had been my "baby" for almost 14 years. Like Miri, she's been with me through a lot. But I was closer to her. Shaman was my cuddle kitty. My stuffed animal kitty. She would sleep with me at night. There were so many when I was restless where she would jump up on my hip and side and that comforting weight helped me go to sleep. Or I would curl up with her purring in my ear. We had a routine. Lots of belly rubs. She loved them and would flop down and rub her paw against her face like an otter when I would say "Gonna get the belly!" Shaman had her own language and would talk to me. Heck, she managed to thaw Michael out towards cats. He didn't realize how much personality they actually have. I know he still prefers dogs but he sees the benefits of having a cat. I'm glad he agreed to let me get Hydona so that I at least have a furry body around to purr at me. But there will never be another Shaman. Well, at least not until she finds me again. Even then she will be different. I am going to miss her so much. But I am glad she died here at home and that we will always have her close by. As I told her last night, she was and always will be the best kitty in the whole world.

So Much To Say. . .

Ok, a lot has happened in the last two weeks. I'll save anything wedding related for the blog.

The week Yancey was gone was as I had expected. . .busy as hell. One of the Charlotte stores thought it was a good idea to send us 80 boxes of calendars. . .unannounced and the day before our last kiosk day! Those came in that Tuesday before Yancey left. Basically, I answered the door, found out we had a shipment that we had no room for, went back into the store itself and said to Yancey when he asked what it was and looked shock, "You're the manager, you deal with it." I thought he'd refuse shipment but instead he accepted it and tossed it into the storage shed. (sigh) So, I was left to deal with it anyway. We did pretty well while he was gone. I worked Yancey's shift in Wednesday and dragged myself to the mall on Thursday at 6a for the kiosk's take down. Friday was a bit confusing because we had our regular shipment coming in, our returns going out (the 80 boxes went out on Thursday because the FedEx truck broke on Wednesday), AND he had another 28 boxes of calendars from Charlotte! I was like, "Hell no!" I told our delivery dude (Sheraton) not to unwrap them and then I made some calls. In the end they got sent on to the same store that got the 80 (that dragged into this week but I'll spare you the details). Michael was on call most of the day so he came and helped me unpack boxes. It was a long and exhausting week.

This past week wasn't much better. I was finally able to start my shortened hours at the store (15) but ended up with two more classes at school because one of the other adjuncts had to drop out of teaching. He's an older guy and has gotten sick. They only found out on Tuesday that he wouldn't be returning. I happened to walk into the office just as they were trying to decide what to do. Well, I am really the only one who could help so I took two of his three classes. They are in the mornings for when I'm already there. Only problem was that would keep me from getting out the new stuff. So I called Yancey and said that I couldn't work one of my mornings. He was ok with it. By the time yesterday rolled around, I was exhausted. Michael and I had a long discussion on Thursday night about it all. There's a good chance that I will get to teach over the summer and also get a lot of classes for the fall. We figured out how much time I have to do stuff and it's really daunting. Even though the store would only take up 12 hours a week. . .it's still too much. And it's draining because I am constantly following up behind people to see that things get done and I have no time to do what we had planned for me to do. I have no time or energy for outside sales -- unless they are already set up.

So. . .I turned in my keys yesterday.

Seems sudden, non? Well, not really. I knew my time was over. I have offered to be available for emergencies. I only need to work once a month to stay on payroll. But that's Yancey's call. He didn't say yay or nay. But the others need the hours more than I do now. And I've finally accepted the end of that phase of my life. I learned a lot and I got Michael and Jon out of the mix so I'm satisfied. School and home are where I need to focus now. No more divided loyalties. (sigh) Anyway, there's more stuff but I'll save it for another entry. Hugs.

January Is Almost Gone?!?

Sheesh. You're kidding right? Where did it go? That's what I get for being sick for the first half. Ah well. Time flies when you're hacking up a lung. lol

I've been updating the wedding blog so you should check there for stuff too on a regular basis since that's gonna be a major focal point for me this year.

As for other stuff. . .just trying to settle into a workable routine. This week is going to be off a bit because Yancey has to go for his management training and the kiosk is coming down. Of course they would happen in the same week. Sheesh. Anyway, it's gonna be hectic and then I can settle in for the normal routine.

It has been so dead at the store. We've gotten a lot done and caught up a lot but there's still so much to do. But ah well, not my main problem even though people still treat me like it is. lol And I somehow wrenched my should on Friday. I don't know how but it hurts. Yuck.

School seems to be going all right. I've already got my classes set up for the fall and summer. In fact, I may actually get to teach a second summer session class! Yay! That means I won't have that horrible two month, low income gap. lol Hope it comes true.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted on all that and how the dissertation stuff comes along. It's time to get cracking!

Blech

That's how I feel this week. Kind of off. I think that the weather is part of it. But who knows. Been having bad dreams when I'm not having weird dreams. Mike says that last night I was tossing, turning, and moaning in my sleep. I remember him asking if I was ok but I don't know what I was dreaming at that point. I do remember having odd dreams about my parents this morning. That never bodes well. (sigh)

Anyway, things are starting to settle into a routine. By next week I should have a flow going for doing stuff. Right now I'm just trying to get organized and used to my schedule. At least I'm getting more sleep which is helping. It may not be completely restful but I'm getting more of it. So I suppose it balances out.

Gonna write on the wedding blog now. Hugs.

A New Year

My God but the last month was hectic. Of course, I'm sure that you expected me to be poof since it is crazy retail time. I'll summarize in segments to keep things organized, k?

Work: They "gave" me permission to stay on part-time. HR said that they don't usually do this but if the DM and manager were ok with it then I could stay. How generous. Of course they aren't going to announce that too loudly. It was funny because Yancey thought that I would be disappointed in the pay cut. Uh, no, I expected that. I actually expected to (at worst) go back to what I was making before I became assistant. Instead, I am making a little more so I'm happy. Anyway, I have cut myself back to about 13 hours a week over two days. I'll work more if I do outside events or if there is an emergency. This week I've done more because I wanted to and it all goes towards the wedding fund and bills so what the hey. I'll probably do more outside things during the summer when my budget is lean from school. Speaking of which, it started this week. I have blocked out when I'm doing dissertation, wedding, and house stuff in between classes and the store. I'll let you know how well it works.

Christmas: It was a quiet one. Michael and I went up to his mom's the Sunday before to be with her, his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. It was nice and really made his mom's day to have everyone together. Baby steps on doing the whole family thing but at least it's happening. Christmas Day we just stayed home, snuggled, opened presents, and played golf. lol Michael got me another Painted Pony (this one is so gorgeous) and a howling wolf statue. He's pretty. I got him a bunch of little things but the two big ones I'm most proud of: an original artwork piece of the Lord's Prayer in Cherokee (that's what some of Mike's ancestors were) and a remote control dragon. The latter moves and roars. It's so cheesy it's cool. lol

New Years: Since Mike had a 4 day weekend, we decided that was the best time to go up to Sissy's house (it will always be that to me). Jonathan went with us. It gave him a chance to get away from here as well as gave Lindsay time to prove herself to Yancey (she failed at that but I don't want to talk about it here). We had a decent drive up. I was finally getting over that cold I wrote about last time. It hung on. Probably because I didn't have a chance to rest properly. Anyway, we got up there Saturday afternoon. Everyone was working but Cynthia so we didn't get to see anyone else until New Year's Day. So, we spent our time wandering the malls and going through stuff at the house (which was so weird). Found some great pictures which I'll share at some point. We went to Border's on Sunday and I ended up losing my phone out of my pocket. Fortunately, someone nice found it and we got it back. I just was not having a good time. My string of sucky incidences just kept going. And I was depressed and miserable. On New Year's Eve, Kyle came down and we picked up my nephew, Elijah, to go see "Alien vs Predator: Requiem". It was ok. Fun to do stuff together. That made me feel better. We dropped Elijah off at a friend's and then went home to play a card game:



Yes, we're geeks. Deal with it. But it was lots of fun. We may have to get people together for some rousing games of it at the store. lol Lindsay got deck for Christmas so she likes it too. So, our evening was quiet and fun.

New Year's Day was hectic. It had snowed Sunday night and I ended up shoveling most of the driveway. Because of that I started getting sick again. This one hit my chest instead of my sinuses. It didn't help that we went out to the farm where it was smoke central. And God, was going out there heartbreaking. I can't even begin to describe how badly they have run down the house. But what can I do when they don't care? It's just. . .horrible. John was noncommittal about coming to the wedding and he wouldn't go to breakfast with us. And Brenda is incredibly upset that I haven't asked her to be a bridesmaid. I have various reasons for this but it isn't anything against her. I would rather she do something else in the wedding like play the piano/organ for us but she refused. In fact, she now sounds like SHE won't come either. Her response when I talked with her about it was that she would have to see because she doesn't know how much vacation time she's going to get. It's frustrating. We out of there late for breakfast because Anne was putzing about with getting the baby ready. And then she got mad and drove off without ever going with us. Yeah, I have a really mature family. I would just like them all to play nicely for one day and come down for the wedding and have fun. Is that likely to happen? No. But it is the only gift they would need to give me that day. Hell, ever.

We got out of PA later than planned because we had to pack up stuff. We didn't take a lot. Just a few nick knacks, pictures, and kitchen things. Oh, and Mike took some tools that had duplicates downstairs. Karen did give me Sissy's engagement ring because I think it would be nice to reset it as mine if Michael wants. Her ring is too small for me anyway and I don't wear gold. If not, I'll hold onto it for Cynthia. My new cold kept getting worse and worse as we drove. And in we had to stop in West Virginia because it felt like my bra was digging into my skin under my right shoulder blade. Well, it turned out to be some kind of bite. We suspect it might have been a brown recluse or some other kind of spider but God knows when and where it got me cause I didn't feel it. It was nasty. By the time we hit Virginia, I was hacking up my lungs and in massive pain from the bite. Then we hit the snowstorm that we didn't know was happening. (sigh) I was following Mike and it was around 11p. Well, his truck has rear wheel drive. I was doing fine but he started fishtailing. If we had kept going we would have driven out of it but we were worried that he would end up off the road because it was that bad. So, we chose to find a hotel. Probably a good thing because I was so out of it. I would have pushed myself to get back because I was supposed to open the store the next day but I just felt too drained. Lindsay refused to help (she had to go shopping with her mom and see a friend) for even a few hours the next morning. Yancey ended up going in but he barely got the message in time as he had been out of town and got back like 3a. So, he was in a less than chipper mood. We made good time the =next day in getting back and I went straight to the store even though I probably should have gone home. The rest is a blur. The bite didn't get better and I couldn't wear a bra so I finally went to the doctor that Friday. I'd had some antibiotics at home for the cold but he put me on a bunch more stuff. I worked my hours but sounded horrible. Needless to say, with all the stress and whatnot, I only stopped coughing a lot this week. I've heard though, that this particular cold is hard to shake. But it's better.

So, those are my fun and exciting adventures. I will be posting more on the wedding blog because it's that time. . .so, check there too. Hugs

Time Away

I decided that we needed some time away. I gave Michael a choice between the beach and the mountains and he chose the former. Turned out that Marriott was having some awesome deals in Myrtle Beach. I signed up for their rewards program last year and it has done us pretty well this year as we seem to keep ending up at a Marriott even when it isn't planned that way. The place is really nice. It's a new resort that they've just built. Actually, there are two main buildings but we stayed in the suites part where they are offering timeshares. No, we didn't do this as a deal for that. The deal I got us was an online special for off season rates. But we really like the place so we'll probably be back.

Our time has been good though not all pleasant. See, I ended up with a cold right before we left. Of course. Murphy's Law, right? Part of it had to do with stress of course. Part was brought on by getting lots of fibers up my nose from fluffing our bears at the store. Should have known that would irritate things. So, I ended up with a nasty sinus infection. Right before going to the beach. (sigh) I did go to the doctor on Friday and get stuff. We couldn't change the reservations without losing some money so we figured the salt air might do me good. Mostly we took it easy this weekend and just chilled. Did some shopping but didn't push ourselves. It was freaking cold yesterday (ok, I know, not as much as some of you have but with high winds brrr). So, we didn't shop much. Just went in a few places and made sure to get food.

I had Michael call Jon to say I wouldn't be in today. I was hacking up a lung on Saturday night. And my head was still feeling full of wool. I didn't want to have to worry about the store. I feel better today but if I were to pull a full shift, Lord knows I would probably make myself worse again. Bad enough that Michael has it now. And I am so not looking forward to the drive back with my head icky. Ah, well. I have off tomorrow because I have doctor appointments. And I have grading to do. I didn't bring it with me cause I just needed a complete get away. But I have to get the grades in.

So, here I sit in the quiet with the ocean outside. I've got to leave in a few minutes because we check out today. Michael is on his way to work. I'll probably stop off at Broadway at the Beach and do a little shopping. Not much though cause I feel icky still. Well, need to run. Hugs.

I Am an Idiot

Not that this is a big surprise. lol Ok, so let's see if I can make all of this fairly short. Sure.

You can probably guess in what area of my life I'm an idiot: work. Specifically, the bookstore. Well, duh. Yancey seems to be ok. I like him and he's goofy enough to fit in with everyone. He has a lot of management experience. I just hope it's enough for him to survive this store. Not the company, but this store. Only time will tell. Everyone is still cautiously optimistic. And, God love them, they were all fairly normal on his first day two Fridays ago. I was so proud of them all. They let him slip into the group without any drama. The only tension Yancey felt was the usual suspicion of an established crew for a new leader. And even that wasn't mild. Amanda was the best because she was just her usual goofy, perverted self. I don't think that she was aware of it, but she tested him the best for us. lol She wasn't feeling well so she was ditsier than usual (which, if you knew her says something). Well, she came into the back at one point while we (Yancey and I) were working on the shipment. I don't know what prompted it but she went on a tangent about how she loves men with tattoos, piercings, and who play drums. I looked at Yancey (who has a big tattoo on his right arm and ear piercings) and said, "Well, you have two. Do you drum?" "Uh, no. And I'm too old and not cute enough." Amanda told him to turn around so she could look at his face. She studied it very seriously for a moment before saying, "No, you're handsome. You remind me of. . .Patrick Stewart. Oh my God! Patrick Stewart is soooo hot! I would so have his kids! Even if I had to do it by artificial insemination!" I was nearly dying I was laughing so hard. Poor Yancey looked like he had been hit upside the head. Ok, well, he actually looked like that most of the day. He really didn't know what he was getting himself into. That's what he gets for saying that he wanted "to work with more intelligent people" (he said that to his other crew before he left). He just didn't stop to think what the trade off would be. As he put it, I have a very "interesting" crew. Yup, and I love em for all of their unique idiosyncrasies. (big grin)

So, that part went well. I made sure that Yancey knew why I had turned in my resignation. And the more I've gotten to know him, the more relief I feel that I am no longer in charge. I hold no resentment towards him whatsoever. I would even stay part-time if the higher ups would let me. But they don't usually let people step down and stay. I think it's dumb to have a blanket policy like that. It should be a case by case. I can see why it's not a good idea in some cases because people can be awfully bitchy about being subordinate to someone who took their job. Heck, one of the other managers actually said to me, "I'm going to say what everyone is thinking but won't say: don't hate Yancey for getting the position." She said that because I mentioned that I would like to stay part-time so I can continue doing the customer service that I like doing. I was so surprised that I goggled for a minute. Um, no. Yancey applied for a job that had come open. It wasn't personal. He wanted a change and saw a chance to get back to something he'd loved at one time and took it. It had nothing to do with me. I mean, I can see how some people can see it that way but they have issues. I told the other manager all of this and I added, "Oh, wait, that must be because they aren't used to having adults around here." (snort) Give me a break. The relief I feel right now just shows that I wasn't into getting the job with my whole heart. Well, no, I have other responsibilities and it's been tearing me up trying to satisfy them all.

Now, if Yancey had come in like a bull. . .yeah, leaving would so be the option. But I like him so far. So, I talked with the DM about staying for one or two nights a week. She's not sure HR will go for it but we'll see.

So, where does the idiot part come in? Well, probably a little with that. But mostly because I am staying as assistant through the end of this month. (sigh) I was supposed to step down on Friday but I couldn't. Yancey was happy to have me do the schedules for him. Well, Chad's last day was Tuesday. He got a promotion at his "real" job and just couldn't see how he could do both until he gets used to the schedule. That would have been ok cause he only worked two days a week. He's a great employee so his presence will be missed but in terms of hours, it was ok cause the others will gladly fill the gap. And we have to let someone else go cause she has flaked out totally. But that was something I'd been scheduling around for a while. We are losing Russ next month because he's moving but that wasn't a big scheduling deal because by the time he leaves, we'll back to short hours. He wants beaucoup hours so he was gonna fill in for the others. And when Felicia leaves for PA for three weeks, Jon and Lindsay were planning on filling that gap with full hours. But then we lost Kim. For various personal reasons, she's moving back in with her parents who live two hours away. We didn't find that out until Monday and yesterday needed to be her last day. (sigh) That was a blow because not only do we all like her too, she is one of the kiosk people. Now, the kiosk can function with just the three who are left but they were all also going to fill in at the store so we wouldn't be short.

Well, everyone knows that means that we need new hires. But until Yancey gets them in and they get trained. . .that left us way too short while I was doing the schedules. I thought that if I just scheduled for the lowest possible end of hours we would use, that would be enough. But no, we came way to far under. There is just no way that the store can do well without me staying at least another week. There was too much of a gap in coverage. And you can throw someone into the pool but they can't swim like a seasoned vet. You can't get the gold with a greenie. So, I put myself on the schedule after I told Yancey. Now, he's happy to have me stay. He even told the DM he's ok with me staying on part-time. I called her to tell her that I was going to have to stay at least next week because of the scheduling problem. Well, she said that was fine and asked if I just wanted to push back my date. Yes, please. So, I get to set a new date. (sigh) It would have been so easy to leave if I hated Yancey. If I could feel completely angry and humiliated. But I don't. I just feel like I can't walk away without helping. I can't do it. And that makes me an idiot. How many times do I have to be smacked down before I learn? lol Well, those of you who've known me for years know that I have a very stubborn streak. And I can't stand to walk away from things easily. Especially people or things that I love. But I refuse to make myself ill over it. The DM admonished me to take it easy and not overdo it because I ended up out on Monday because I was in a lot of pain and had pulled one of my scars open a little. I stayed home to rest but was still blech on Wednesday.

No, I won't push it. I am taking off next weekend and dragging Mike to the beach for a much needed break. I need a few days away to recharge my batteries. So, yeah, I will take it easy.

Classes are over. I have one huge day coming up this Tuesday. Get everything graded and then I can end this hellish semester. Hence the break coming next weekend.

One advantage to staying as assistant for the rest of the month: I get two holiday days out of it. (grin) I didn't even think of that until Friday. And my vacation days will completely kick in so I won't owe the company them when I step down. But still, I was almost free for the holidays. I am such an idiot. I could have avoided all of the holiday work stress. Masochist. I'm a masochistic idiot. lol

Inner Duel

So, I have been doing a lot of thinking since last week. Ok, I know, I always do a lot of thinking. Of course this time it has mostly been about work. Inside I keep having a battle about staying and going at the store. Would I change my mind now? Probably not. It's really not in my best interest to stay at the store.

The past year has literally felt like hell for the most part while I've been there. It's really shown me what a stubborn streak I have. I hate to give up on things. So, I wonder why I finally did. I guess it's because I just feel tired. I feel worn out. And there have been too many dark moments over the past four months. Hell, dark even for me. I got through because of Michael and through just phoning it in most of the time. My physical health probably had a lot to do with it but I'm sure they fed on each other. Too many days I had to drag myself to the store. It will be a relief to not have the responsibility. But it tastes bitter.

I think that it's hard because I truly like the people I work with and my customers. I love helping people find books. I love knowing what is new and opening the boxes is almost like Christmas. I just did my last big splurge there (for a long time at least) and got some really awesome books. It's because we are having our employee days. The discount isn't much greater than we usually get but it's enough. I know I'll miss that. And everyone is shocked and sad to see me go. It's sweet. Does it make a big difference in the end for them? No. But it is nice that they care.

Actually, I know of at least one customer who will leave if the new manager doesn't pass muster. She's sick of the changeover.

I will probably look for a part-time job next year that doesn't require too much energy from me. I should try and bring some extra money in if I can. I'm just grateful that Michael is ok with this change. But then again, he's gotten to see the darker side of it all. But, for now, I keep working and looking forward to a break. Hopefully this time I will actually get one that isn't filled with stress. lol Yeah, right. I think I've slipped into a fantasy zone right now. But that's ok. I kind of like it here. ;o)

The End of an Era

At least, that's what Jon calls it. Me? I call it bittersweet. So, the lumps keep coming this week with the news that they are giving the manager position to someone else. The new guy starts next week. He was an assistant manager for a store in Orlando but a manager for other companies. This is such a smack in the face. I mean, dude hasn't even been manager for us before and his AM position with the company isn't even his last job. I got the whole spiel about how he loves books like the rest of us and is excited that he will have such a dedicated assistant, blah blah.

Yeah. Well, he won't for long because I turned in my notice last night. (sigh)

Believe me, the decision wasn't made lightly. I've actually been preparing for it since last week. I knew what was going to happen.

I'm not sure when things stopped going in my favor. But you know what? C'est la vie.

Michael and I had lunch yesterday and discussed it. Yeah, I could have waited until the new guy gets here. And I don't blame him and there are no hard feelings on my part towards him. Heck, there aren't even any towards the company really. It's just business. I feel more tired than anything else. And that is what clinched it. My reaction at first was utter sadness. I wanted to sob but I had to do my job. And I did it well yesterday. Sure, I have moments of anger but mostly I am just exhausted. Disheartened, I guess you could say. I need a break. Too much too fast.

Pros of staying: My discount. Show of loyalty and my mettle. Work somewhere I love. Continue to have extra money coming in. Keep my coworkers happy to the best of my ability. See that what has been set up for our regulars isn't blown to hell.

Cons of staying: I can get as good a discount other ways. Besides, as long as Mike works at the other store, we have the discount. Obviously my loyalty and worth don't really mean much. Yeah, I love it but it has been stressful as hell. I can get another job -- one that is less stressful and pays almost as well. They need to fend for themselves. I love em all but I have to do what's best for me right now. My customers -- well, that's the only one I feel real regret about but I'm sure they will adapt or go elsewhere. No matter how competent the new guy is, Christmas is just not the best time to have to get to know someone. It skews the learning process. Happened last year with Jessica. I've already done my "loyal to the new manager" bit. He can be an awesome manager and I'll still end up doing as much work as I am now. And you know what? I don't have the time. I have put of my dissertation and my housework for far too long. I am not going to be able to handle five classes next semester plus the diss plus the house. I would have tried my damndest if I had gotten the position because I would feel more responsible and I don't shirk that if I can help it.

But let's be honest. . .I haven't done a very good job of doing all three. Something was gonna have to go. Well, as Val kept reminding me, the bookstore was never meant to be a career choice. I wasn't going for the job with my whole heart. I did it because I thought, well, maybe it was a viable option. But no, I gotta get back to why I came here in the first place. Hopefully I haven't screwed that up. Time to bust my ass and catch up. But I sure am gonna miss being at the store.

Valerie and Dale

So, I caught you up on the work stuff but you never got to hear about Val and Dale's wedding because of all my drama last week. Sheesh.

The wedding was on October 27th. It's one of the reasons that Mike and I decided to have ours next year (if you don;t remember that part of the reasoning).

The two had met in March (I believe) of last year at a sci fi convention in Maryland. Got to see the exact spot they met which was pretty cool. Anyway, after a whirlwind courtship, they were engaged and had that date set. Val would have preferred to elope but Dale wanted a traditional wedding. I know, that's the opposite of how it usually happens but he has two sisters and a traditional kind of family so I guess that's why. Let me tell you. . .by the time the wedding came around, he was ruing the choice. lol Especially as Val reminded him a gazillion times about who's idea it had been. I actually felt sorry for him. (heehee)

As you are probably aware, that date happened to fall right after the rainstorms had come through the east coast. I told Val that she should have had the wedding sooner cause then the drought might not have lasted as long. (she wasn't amused) It was to be an evening wedding. So, you can imagine how nail biting it was to have it still pouring late into the night on the 26th. Val was miserable that day. The whole thing was set to take place at the Cloisters: a beautiful castle-like structure set in the woods. The place was perfect for her. Problem was, they hadn't really planned for an indoor wedding. The reception was supposed to be inside but not the ceremony. We went to the Cloisters to develop a contingency plan. The place was gorgeous. And it can work for indoor stuff too. They have events all the time and are used to having to accomodate such things. Problem was, indoors is not what was planned and Val said that she could have chosen any number of other places if that was what had been wanted.

Let me make something clear: Val had not been your typically giddy bride. She was not looking forward to the whole shindig at all. Oh, she was looking forward to getting married but not to the rigamorole. And to be fair, she didn't have an easy time of it all. They may have met in Maryland but they planned most of it all long distance. She ended up in Huntsville, Alabama, earlier this year and has had to plan for several major life changes all at once. So, her being stressed was understandable. I just wish she had been happier about it all but the anticipation of the wedding just couldn't overcome all the other stuff.

Fortunately, the weather cleared by noon on the 27th. Us girls -- Val, me (MOH), Jessica (childhood friend), and Anne-Marie (work friend) -- trooped to the hair dressers and Val's spirits started to pick up. She got the normal nerves thing going on and everything but seemed in a much happier place. When we all got back to the hotel and were finally done up, she was doing much better. And oh, she made such a lovely bride. She'd chosen a beautiful lace sheath dress. She was simply stunning in it. When I get some pics, I'll post one. I figured that picture taking was the least of my responsibilities that day.

We all went to the Cloisters for the picture taking. Because it was an evening wedding, we had to do the pics beforehand. Ok, here's where things are a little complicated. Dale is Catholic but Valerie converted to Judaism (from Lutheran) about two years ago. So, the ceremony and stuff was actually Jewish. Because there's a part where Dale and her are together for the actual ceremony, him seeing her beforehand wasn't a big deal. So, that whole tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding didn't matter.

The photographer was awesome. He did an amazing job of setting it all up. My favorite moment was when Dale got to see her for the first time. He had the properly stunned look on his face and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. It was like it was only the two of them around. Such a movie moment. One of the reasons being outside was so important was because the Cloisters has a windmill and Val so wanted the wedding party pics to be there. That was fun. After that came the family photos and the rest of us ended upstairs.

I'm sure I could have stayed downstairs to help but I thought that I would just be in the way. It was a tossup cause I know she wanted me to help keep her mom from driving her nuts but I didn't know how I could do that for the photo stuff. So, I just waited. Finally they all came upstairs.

All of the wedding party and immediate family gathered around in one of the rooms so that we could watch them sign the Jewish marriage agreement. It was a cool little part of the ceremony. Then came the aisle walking and all that jazz. I messed up a little with Val's train because I forgot that she needed me to hand it to her so she could walk around Dale three times at the beginning. I wanted to straighten it out pretty. lol It didn't seem to be a big deal. We hadn't had a rehearsal (just a verbal run through) so hopefully I'm forgiven. The rest went off pretty well. The only thing I felt the OCD need to tweak was when her veil went back. It didn't completely go straight on one side and I didn't want it to look goofy in the pictures so I quickly steeped up and tweaked it down straight. lol Val didn't even know I had done that til later.

The reception was very elegant: open bar, cheese, dessert. Very simple but beautifully done. My speech was impromptu and not the best thing in the world (bad speech teacher) but I wanted to go with the flow of the moment and emotion rather than something rehearsed. I had a few things planned but mostly I just went with the moment. Afterwards, Val danced with her father and also with Dale. It was the only dancing that happened. I thought maybe seeing her with her dad would make me feel sad since I won't be able to do that but it just made me smile. Besides, it's when I got to help her mom out so that was good. Her mom had done really well not to cry until then. It was sweet.

Overall, the wedding went off without any major snafus. There were minor things but it was an awesome event. Just as elegant as Val could have wished.

End of the Hell Week

So, the week is almost finished and thank God. Mike and I went out for brunch and then to Petsmart to look at the cats cause I'm thinking that company for Shaman might be a good thing. Depends upon how she does in the next few weeks. Well, there were two groups there with dogs for adoptions as well (I had no idea it was such a big day there). One was the Greyhound Lifesavers group. Mike and I have been talking about getting a greyhound for a while. They so fit our lifestyle and personality. They were so beautiful and sweet. Hard to find a cat friendly one but we are going to try for that. They have new ones a lot so we may find a good mix. And Michael thinks that dog would be better than a cat. Less animosity. Um, ok. We'll see.

One thing Shaman is enjoying is full run of the house. We can open up every room now cause she sheds less than Miri did and doesn't yark in bad places. Sad, but true. I'd rather have Miri than all the doors open but. . .must take what benefit I can.

The week had to end on a down note thought. When we came out of Petsmart about 1:30, my car wouldn't start. The short version is that the started went bad and took the battery with it. Got the starter fixed at Sears and the battery replaced at Advanced Auto cause it was still under warranty from my purchase there last year. But it took all damn day to get the rest of this done. And to top it off, I walked around a the mall a little bit with a huge rip in the back of my pants near the pocket! (sigh)

Just freaking great. But it's almost over. I hurt from being on my feet too much but I'll survive.

Goodbye, My Sweeting

It has just not been a good week as you know. Well, today it got worse. Miriamele got sick again over the weekend but we didn't know how badly until yesterday when we saw that she had thrown up all over the place. She'd stopped eating (I just thought less) but was still drinking her water. I hadn't been able to give her her medication over the weekend but that shouldn't have affected her that much. It didn't. Seems that along with the hyperthyroidism she must have had kidney problems. When she was tested in June, they looked ok but that could have been because the urinalysis was done with diluted urine. Or it just could have been at the early stages and she deteriorated quickly. Either way, her symptoms were so close to the hyperthyroidal ones that it just seemed to be that.

This morning she could barely move so I took Miri to the vet right away. Went to Petsmart this time because our vet is closed on Wednesdays and one of the vets there is a regular at the bookstore. We didn't see him but another doctor who was very good. They couldn't get a urine sample because she was just too dehydrated. There was nothing in her system. Probably because every time she drank, she threw up. I mean, I'd cleaned up the kitchen last week and now it looks almost the same because she went on a yarking spree. Anyway, they took blood samples and everything pointed to kidney problems -- possibly renal failure but it was hard to tell since they couldn't get a urinalysis and forcing fluids into her would only dilute the results (like in June). To the doctor, Miri's kidneys felt way too small and from my description of her health for the past few months, it sounded to him like they were deteriorating. He couldn't guarantee me that was what was going on but it pretty well fit the bill for her. So, I had two choices (three if you count inaction as one): 1) they could pump Miri full of fluids and get her back up to health to the point where I would have to regularly give her fluids via IV (which would increase in frequency as time went on) until they shut down totally or 2) I could put her to sleep. He didn't actually say the latter but I was pretty quick on reading between the lines with how he described the first process. Because, basically it came down to that or a kidney transplant.

It sounded like we would just be prolonging Miri's illness. And to what purpose? The fluid IVs are fairly easy to do (he said) but given that she hated me just giving her a pill, I can't imagine what she would have done with IVs. She would have been miserable. And it wasn't a cure, just a patch. I couldn't do that to her. But I felt so horrible because I thought it looked like I was going to choose an "easy" way out. But the doc told me about a cat who'd been in earlier to be euthanized. The cat was older than Miri and hyperthyroidal but otherwise completely healthy. Awesome kidney functions and he refused to euthanize the cat. I admired him for that. But with Miri, it was definitely an option. He didn't push it on me and would have respected my wishes but I knew. I couldn't put her through months of torture (not pain but emotional torture) just because I didn't want to lose her. Lately I've been frustrated with the yarking and the shedding and all that but I didn't want her to do die to solve it. And money wasn't even an issue cause Mike is ok with whatever I need to do for them. So, I would have chosen anything but putting her down if it meant that she might have a chance of being cured. But she didn't. My beautiful little princess was just too ill to help.

So, I did the humane thing and chose the time of her death for her. I couldn't watch so they did it in another room. Afterwards the doctor had more solid words of comfort because he said that she went quietly and quickly. He hadn't even put all of the medicine in her before she passed away. Her body was just that toxic that there wasn't much left. I just wished I'd known that and been more aware these past few days so I could have held her more. That's where I have regret. That she was sick and I didn't realize how much sooner. Yeah, I know I've been legitimately out of it but. . .(sigh).

Hopefully this is the last bad thing for the week. Hell, for the rest of the year. I'm sick and tired of it all. But here are pictures of Miriamele:





Miri was lovely, wasn't she? So regal with her "painted" eyes. Very much a lady. She was always ready to lend comfort when someone was upset. Remember, Michelle? I will always remember why she came with me to SC. She was afraid of everyone but me. Three days before I was to come down, I woke up and found her curled against my chest and arm. How could I leave that sweet face behind? Obviously, I couldn't so I tried to give her a better life than she would have had at the farm. There were times when she drove me bonkers (remember when she went into heat, Andi, before she was fixed?) and I developed an allergy to her fur, but she was a wonderful cat. The house is going to be a lot more empty without her around. Shaman is the only one left from that litter and the three of us are going to miss Miriamele's voice from now on.

This Is Recuperating?

(sigh) It's my own fault. I admit it. I'm supposed to be resting and getting better but instead I am allowing myself to get stressed out. I was in a fairly good mood until yesterday. I mean, I am sad about my aunt and everything but I wasn't stressed. Now I'm stressed. I'm still "resting" in the sense that I am pretty much immobile in my chair or in bed but my brain is doing anything but. I'd sleep but then the more I sleep the more restless energy I have. Which is probably why my OCD is kicking in.

What's stressing me out? Work. There's some drama going on that really isn't necessary and people are just all worn out and griping. Ok, well, not maybe people plural so much as one person. But not being there, I have no idea what's going on. I've been fighting to get the job (though God knows why) and they still haven't made a decision yet. The manager meetings went well a few weeks ago and stuff and I had my interview with the new DM after that but it's dragging. I had a final interview two weeks ago with HR. But I hurt myself in that one with one of the questions.

See, the other store in Columbia needs a manager too. However, unlike with me, they have not officially made the assistant manager the acting/interim manager even though he is running things. So, they are looking to fill both stores and supposedly there are a bunch of qualified candidates. Well, I was asked if I would consider managing the other store if that is something that they felt would be best done. I said no. Not quite that flat out but I gave my reasons: I don't like that mall. It's not safe (and that is not an exaggeration when stabbings and shootings happen) and I haven't shopped there in years. Well, this didn't sit well. Especially with the new DM who said it makes it seem like we should tell our customers not to shop there and that she should be afraid to go there. Well, yeah. So, that was a strike against me. It's also a strike against me that I have personal ties with the people at the store. Uh, duh. But why send out an email saying that we could hire friends and family and then hold that against me? They are making an issue out of thin air because that is not even a problem. Hell, I don't have time to hang out with anyone as just friends outside the store. As Jon pointed out, even when we do get a chance to grab a bite to eat, we end up talking about work. And hello, you can't tell me that other managers aren't friends with some of their employees. It's a crock of horseshit.

I really love my job but corporate is making this way harder than it needs to be. I have kept everything running fairly well. Has it been perfect? No. Have we been doing at least as well as everyone else? Yeah. And even better than that too. I was told that we should know something later this week about the position. Good, cause I need to know what my options are gonna be. I've been planning my life around this job for the past four months (I got an apology for having had to have been in the position for so long without an answer) and if I haven't proven myself by now, I never will to them. They can drag their feet if they want to. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing until I know otherwise. And then? Well, guess it depends on what is said and offered.

Rest In Peace

It's another one of those days. I didn't sleep very well last night because of the pain. So, I slept in and when I awoke, I found a message on my cellphone from my brother, Chuck, that Sissy (our aunt) had died this morning. I must say that it was a shock and not a shock at the same time. The shock part came from the fact that I didn't think that she'd been that ill. The not a shock was because she hasn't wanted to be alive for a long time. She broke her hip about a month or so ago and ended up back in the hospital for something else. I'd tried calling but no one would answer. I hadn't had time to call Karen (my brother's widow who was there all the time) for details but Chuck let me know pretty well. Apparently Sissy wasn't answering the phone. (sigh)

Sissy was my father's older sister and in her mid-80s. She'd been depressed for quite a long time and also losing her memory. Not sure if it was senility or Alzheimer's but she was getting worse and worse at holding conversations. At least now she is where she wanted to be. . .with Uncle. It's sad. But at the same time also a relief. There wasn't much we could do to make her happy.

I don't have any particulars yet on the funeral. She'd set everything up years ago so we wouldn't have to worry about that. The problem is, Mike has to work all week doing installs and I am basically laid up from the surgery. So, I don't know what I'm going to do. I should go home for the funeral but I honestly don't know if I can drive. I am not supposed to for a few days because of the meds. I guess I will wait and see what is going on when and stuff. My other brother, John, is supposed to keep me up to speed. So, if he does, and Chuck comes home, we'll see. Once I know everything, I'll contact the doctor. Familial duty versus health. (sigh)

Ouch

So, it's done. I am now a sporting model as I've heard it. On Wednesday I went and had blood work done. The idiot who did it bruised my right arm up pretty good. When I told her that it hurt coming out too, her response was, "Everyone says that." Yeah, cause she's an idiot. Despite my fair skin, I don't usually bruise unless they do something wrong. I spent most of last week trying to get stuff done before the surgery on Friday.

Mike and I woke up about 8a on Friday morning and just cuddled for an hour. I so didn't want to go to the hospital. We got there on time. Surprisingly, my blood pressure was pretty normal. I was nervous as all hell until they finally got the IV in me. I hate those things the most. I got tired of being asked about my diabetes when I don't have it. Just because I'm on a diabetic medicine doesn't mean I have the disease. I'm on it for the PCOS. In fact, when they tested my blood sugar, it was a great level. So, yeah, that's not one of my problems.

The nurses and doctors were all very nice. Once they gave me the relaxing drugs, my memory is fuzzy. I remember getting in and kind of fighting the oxygen mask but once I was out, I was out. Fortunately, I don't remember the breathing tube being taken out. Last time, I gagged on it. The pain wasn't as bad as when I had my gall bladder out (13 years ago). Dr. Giudice got the air out of me pretty well. They did give me good drugs for what pain I had (which was a decent amount). For the most part, I kept falling back to sleep.

I drank a little ginger ale but it tasted icky so I later switched to diet coke. But neither sat well in my stomach so they had to give me something for the nausea. I remember being taken to the transition room and seeing Michael again. Some nurses helped me get dressed. That was fun. Then I got the IV out (didn't feel that for once) and put in a wheel chair. The whole process only took from 10a to 5p (surgery wasn't much more than an hour with no complications). I was so damn groggy that there are gaps in my consciousness. I do remember the bumps in the hall which made my stomach go erk. And the speed bumps coming out of the parking garage. Mike says that they need to rethink those.

We got home and I went to the bathroom and allowed myself to throw up. I hadn't done it at the hospital because I was afraid they'd keep me. But I felt better afterwards. I went to bed and Michael curled up next to me. We both slept until about 10p when Jon called to see what was going on. And I made him call his mom. At 1a we woke up again and he made me some waffles (light on butter and syrup). They were yummy. I think I ended up in my office about 4or 5a cause laying flat was hurting too much. Thank God I bought the recliner over the summer. It is helping a lot.

We got up about 9a yesterday. I kept drifting in and out but finally managed to keep myself awake by playing golf with Mike. He's done a really good job of taking care of me. He told me that I have a free two week bitch pass. I asked if I could raincheck on the time I don't use. lol And that I am not allowed to do anything but rest. Yeah, we'll see how that one goes. I've already checked in with work to make sure they do a few of the things I forgot to do. lol You can force my body to rest but there is no guarantee that my mind will.

Seriously though, I am enjoying being taken care of for once. Usually it irks me to be disabled but I am going to do as I am told so that I don't get worse. But it isn't as bad as I expected. Not much worse than my most painful monthlies. So, I guess those were prep for this. Besides, they gave me good drugs. Dr. Giudice did well with the incisions. They are neat and small. Both are in the same spots as old ones -- my belly button and lower end of my appendix scar. And they are sealed over with the liquid bandage stuff. The only icky looking thing is my right temple. I look like I have a gunshot wound from where he removed my big mole. I had him remove four -- the one under my arm that had been turning black, the temple one that has been slowly getting bigger, a tag one on the corner of my right eyelid (I didn't like it being so close to my eye) and a big one on my back that was bothering Michael. None were for vanity. Hopefully they all turn out benign though Dr. Giudice didn't mention testing them.

Michael has gone to help at the store cause we have another 100+ boxes and Jon can't lift things because of his shoulder. We have permission for Mike to work since I'm out. So, at least we get to pay him for his time now. lol I tried sleeping but couldn't really. So, I thought I would update you all. I plan on being a vegetable physically but getting work done. I have so much to do. This is what I get for wishing for time to work on it all. lol

Health Update

Well, I'm going to have time to catch up on news pretty soon. This coming Friday (9th) I go in for outpatient surgery. Michael went with me to see the new doctor (Guidices -- he's very nice) yesterday. Well, it looks like the endometrial ablation isn't necessarily the best choice for someone like me. See, it does stop the monthly bleeding in 75% of patients with the other 25% having spotting. Gee, with my luck, which % would I probably be? Also, it doesn't cause infertility so there would still be a likelihood that I could get pregnant. That would be bad because with out the endometrial lining, there are all sorts of problems for the fetus. So, they normally tie a woman's tubes when doing the procedure. This also wouldn't eliminate the possibility of uterine cancer which is a high risk for someone like me who has PCOS (add in my maternal grandmother dying of ovarian cancer and father of colon cancer and we can say uber odds). AND, 1 in 5 women who have the procedure eventually have to have a hysterectomy.

So, we decided that I should just eliminate most of that worry and just have the partial hysterectomy done now. I get to keep my ovaries and cervix (so I won't need hormones, etc) but I lose the uterus. They do it all the time with laproscopic surgery and the recovery time is pretty quick (1-2 weeks).

Actually, they wanted me to do it the Friday BEFORE Thanksgiving because while Dr. Guicides has an opening, the hospital did not before then. I was like, "Oh my God, no! I have to work that week! I can't not work black Friday and the weekend." So, the appointment woman (who was very nice) spoke with the doctor and they fit me in next Friday. I have to go to see him on Wednesday to discuss everything. I'm also going to have him remove a few of the questionable moles I have. Especially one on my right arm because it has black spots now. He said it would be easy to do. He also said that they could do a procedure that should help with the PCOS symptoms so that I may be able to lose weight better. That would be awesome. And we're going to up my dosage of Metformin cause it just isn't working at this level.

I've already given everyone at work a heads up. The new DM was like, "Are you going to use your vacation time for this? Make sure that you have all of your ducks in a row." What does she think I am? A moron? Believe me, if I could put this off longer, I would. It's not like I've been planning to be sick right now. In fact, since I've been off of the progesterone and not having a wonky cycle, I feel better. But I know it won;t last if I don't fix it. So, I'm a little annoyed at the statement. My reasonable side says that she's just doing her job but the rest of me is like, "Do you know how much of my life is invested in that store?" Good God. I haven't spent an entire day away from there when I'm in Columbia for weeks now. Sheesh.

Anyway, I will keep you all up to date as things happen. This surgery should be fairly routine unless something else has popped up. I have so much to do before Friday that it isn't even funny.

Gotta run and eat dinner. Hugs to all.

A Moment of Silence

There were a few things that I wanted to catch you all up on but I need to put that off for a moment. Some of you may have heard about the NC beach house blaze that took place early Sunday morning. Thirteen SC students were staying at the house. Six escaped while seven lost their lives. Of the seven, six were at USC. And one was a current student of mine, Justin Anderson:



He was in my TTH 2p class. I did not know anything about the accident until I got to class today. In fact, the authorities only just confirmed the identities of the dead even though the university knew for sure from other sources. He was a nice guy and his classmates are all in shock. One poor girl knew him and two others because she is in the same sorority as the girls who were there. You can imagine the faces I saw today. I thought that they were just unusually quiet. And no, we didn't have class for long. Some of my other students know either other victims or survivors. You can bet they have free reign this week.

It saddens me greatly. . .to think that they died so terribly. It's going to be odd not seeing him in class but I haven't had time to get to know many of my students well this semester. Well enough to feel the extra pain of their loss because I know them but not so much that I can't truly stop my life for mourning. And that may be the most painful thing of all for me.

My heart does go out to their parents, friends, and families. Especially those who survived the fire because they have a long road ahead of them. I am proud of USC for responding so quickly to the situation and for aiding everyone. They truly do care and I've seen it many times that they aren't all about the money. So, please join us in a moment of silence and wish everyone left behind well. Because they are the ones who need it most now as those, like my student, who have left are beyond care for this earthly world.

Never Ending

So, life has been rather hectic of late. The store seems to be in a never ending state of catching up because we are getting increasingly large shipments (another hundred boxes on the 28th, 123 last week, and 156 expected tomorrow). On top of that, we have a massive returns list to do which was wrong the first time so we had to wait an extra week to get the update. We have so much product that we are having to shelve and scan at the same time. Sheesh But the good thing is that we are getting it together and everyone seems happy with work. The kiosk looks great and our liaison is happy with that.

I had been told that I wasn't going to the manager's meeting next week. Mainly I think it's because I am not the official manager. I felt that I should go simply because no matter what they decide, someone from the store should know what's being planned this year. But no. Well, at least until last Friday when I got a call asking if it was too late for me to make arrangements to go. Turns out the new DM wants to meet me and do an interview. Be careful what you wish for. So, I'll be flying up to Pittsburgh on Monday. I find it hilarious that this city was chosen since that's where I was "transferred" over the summer.

Classes have been doing well so that's good.

The major glitch in all of this is that I have been having major female probs again. I was in so much pain this past week that I came home and drugged out almost every night. I already had another doctor appointment set up for this morning. Well, Julie doesn't know what to do for me so she passed me on to a new doctor. Basically, he confirmed things I've known for a long time: I have PCOS and I don't ovulate. Duh The former I was told at age 20 and the latter I assumed since I'm not "normal" without the Pill (even though I had a doctor say otherwise). I can't be given an estrogen based pill because a major study last year gave strong evidence that increased levels of the hormone can cause stroke. So, anyone with migraines who get additives (like my aura visions at the end of last year/beginning of this one) cannot be prescribed the stuff. So, I am stuck with progesterone only meds which are obviously not working since that is what I have been on since May. My health has been slowly deteriorating with that stuff. So I am off it.

What are my options?

1) Try one more time with a different kind of natural progesterone pill.
(I doubt this will work since the last didn't.)

2) Go in and have a endometrial ablation. This is where they cauterize the uterus so that there is no more bleeding.
(This basically sterilizes me too.)

3) Have a hysterectomy to remove the uterus.
(Hell no unless I have a choice.)

No matter what I choose, I need to have a endometrial biopsy to see if I have endometriosis or worse.

Mike and I have discussed it and I am going for option #2. It's the lest of where I will eventually end up so I might as well get it over with. I'm not happy with this option. I mean, I know we say we don't want children but a part of me would really like to meet the person we could create together. I've known for years that this might not be possible. But at least there was hope should I want it. Now, no hope. (sigh) We don't have the time or lifestyle for a child right now and by the time we may have. . .well, I might be too old for natural anyway.

Not sure when this will happen. The procedure only puts me out of commission for about 3-4 days. So, I am going to shoot for the beginning of November after Val's wedding. It's the best I can do. I'll keep you posted.

What a Week

Yeah, I'm up really early again. I've actually been up since a little after 6a but was working on paying the current round of bills. (sigh) That never ends, does it? You see a nice chunk of money in your account and as you pay stuff, it slowly goes poof before your eyes. And just when you think you might have a little extra. . .it is just enough to get you to the next paycheck. Well, this time it was mostly because my car insurance is due and I had a few extraneous extra bills to pay (like for my last ultrasound). Ah, well, c'est la vie.

Monday was fun. The shipment ended up being 100 boxes. Oh joy. I went in after class at 10p and worked on them until 2a so that all of the street dates could get out. It was a huge day. I managed to get them done and do the romance stuff so the regulars could get them. Fortunately, I asked and received some extra hours from higher up so that we can make up for the fubar.

I meant to write on Tuesday but got very busy. It was Jami's and mine birthday. She spent it with my family. lol Odd, no? I woke up feeling blech. Had an early appointment with my therapist who made me promise to do something nice for myself since it didn't seem that I would get to do anything fun. Mike had to go up to Richmond, VA, so he had left before the crack of dawn and wasn't planning on being back until really late. (sigh) So, after making calls to our regular customers about all the new stuff, I headed to one of my favorite stores It's the place that has all the Celtic, etc stuff. If you are ever stuck for a gift idea, just get me a certificate to there. Here's the link: It's All in the Name. I treated myself to another Nene Thomas print:



She's pretty. Now I just have to get her framed. I also talked with the owner about teaming up for events. That way they have someone to help them out with stuff and we (the store) get out more to make sales. I'll keep you posted with that.

When I got to my office, I called Jami cause she had said to the night before. See, I texted her just after midnight while I was at the store to wish her a Happy Bday but didn't get her response until 2a. I had assumed she'd be asleep. Well, since she was at the farm, she was still up. And it turned out that Sissy (my aunt) was in the hospital again because she broke her hip. (sigh) So, Sissy was supposed to have surgery but it was put off a little because her blood pressure was too high. I mean, she is in her 80s so. . .I can imagine she's stressed. I'm not going to bore you with the family drama details that ensued but it wasn't a fun day for anyone.

After classes while I was doing my office hours, I talked with Jonathan and he insisted on taking me out to dinner. I didn't really want to go cause I was in a funk but I'm glad I did. We had a nice dinner and it cheered me up. (smile) I had also gone to the bookstore to buy some kid's books for an event at a local school. I felt bad because we hadn't gotten many donations. But we actually had stuff to give them anyway so it was all good.

Anyway, after dinner I came home and waited for Michael. He got home about 10p and brought me a bouquet of red roses, a balloon, and a card. It was very sweet. I actually hadn't expected anything. And the funniest part is that my therapist said that I should tell him to do such things more often since such gestures mean a lot to us girls. lol She'll be happy when I tell her he did it unprompted. She said it cause I wasn't expecting anything since we had gone to AWA and last year I waited until October to celebrate. And you know we girls like the romantic stuff. lol

Actually, Michael did get me more than that but I'll post them in another blog later since this one is really long. And I need to grab some breakfast. Hugs.

Better Today

I feel a little better today but still achy in my head. Tired too even though I slept fairly well. Mike came back last night in a pretty good mood. We slept in and then had breakfast together. We talked about yesterday and the weeklong grumpiness. When I said that he could pretty much do whatever next year he asked, "We can't do things together?" Well, yeah, but it makes him snippy to try and coordinate us both. So, it's better that I just follow him like a puppy dog. He said that made it sound bad. No, but this is more his thing than mine. I mean, I'm interested in it but I don't know nearly as much as he does. So, I'm just along for the ride. Eventually we'll get it running smoothly.

I finished shopping for stuff. Got myself a few more small things. Next year I need to remember to bring enough money for a corset. I so want one. But I found little things. And I got enough buttons for everyone at the store and got Mike a few more items. So, it's all good.

I stayed in the room for the rest of the day and slept and just vegged. I needed that. When Mike came back we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and talked about everything. We figured u=out what's been wrong lately. It comes down to miscommunication. There's more to it than that but I won't bore you with the details. It's all ok now again. We don't do too badly most of the time. We communicate pretty well 95% of the time. It's the other 5% that we have to work on. (sigh) But hey, I'll take that.

Tomorrow we plan to get home a little after lunch and just take the day easy. I need to grade stuff for the evening class. So, back to the grind.