The End of an Era

At least, that's what Jon calls it. Me? I call it bittersweet. So, the lumps keep coming this week with the news that they are giving the manager position to someone else. The new guy starts next week. He was an assistant manager for a store in Orlando but a manager for other companies. This is such a smack in the face. I mean, dude hasn't even been manager for us before and his AM position with the company isn't even his last job. I got the whole spiel about how he loves books like the rest of us and is excited that he will have such a dedicated assistant, blah blah.

Yeah. Well, he won't for long because I turned in my notice last night. (sigh)

Believe me, the decision wasn't made lightly. I've actually been preparing for it since last week. I knew what was going to happen.

I'm not sure when things stopped going in my favor. But you know what? C'est la vie.

Michael and I had lunch yesterday and discussed it. Yeah, I could have waited until the new guy gets here. And I don't blame him and there are no hard feelings on my part towards him. Heck, there aren't even any towards the company really. It's just business. I feel more tired than anything else. And that is what clinched it. My reaction at first was utter sadness. I wanted to sob but I had to do my job. And I did it well yesterday. Sure, I have moments of anger but mostly I am just exhausted. Disheartened, I guess you could say. I need a break. Too much too fast.

Pros of staying: My discount. Show of loyalty and my mettle. Work somewhere I love. Continue to have extra money coming in. Keep my coworkers happy to the best of my ability. See that what has been set up for our regulars isn't blown to hell.

Cons of staying: I can get as good a discount other ways. Besides, as long as Mike works at the other store, we have the discount. Obviously my loyalty and worth don't really mean much. Yeah, I love it but it has been stressful as hell. I can get another job -- one that is less stressful and pays almost as well. They need to fend for themselves. I love em all but I have to do what's best for me right now. My customers -- well, that's the only one I feel real regret about but I'm sure they will adapt or go elsewhere. No matter how competent the new guy is, Christmas is just not the best time to have to get to know someone. It skews the learning process. Happened last year with Jessica. I've already done my "loyal to the new manager" bit. He can be an awesome manager and I'll still end up doing as much work as I am now. And you know what? I don't have the time. I have put of my dissertation and my housework for far too long. I am not going to be able to handle five classes next semester plus the diss plus the house. I would have tried my damndest if I had gotten the position because I would feel more responsible and I don't shirk that if I can help it.

But let's be honest. . .I haven't done a very good job of doing all three. Something was gonna have to go. Well, as Val kept reminding me, the bookstore was never meant to be a career choice. I wasn't going for the job with my whole heart. I did it because I thought, well, maybe it was a viable option. But no, I gotta get back to why I came here in the first place. Hopefully I haven't screwed that up. Time to bust my ass and catch up. But I sure am gonna miss being at the store.