Residency

I've been meaning to write for the past few weeks but haven't found the time. Hopefully I'll remember everything that I wanted to write. lol

Anyway, a few weeks ago I finally changed my Pennsylvania residency for a South Carolina one. (sigh) Man, I fought doing it for so long that it seems silly now. But it needed to be done since this is where I will be living for the forseeable future. I always said that I wouldn't change until I knew where I might end up. The upside is that I don't have to drive up to PA anymore to get the car inspected. And since I waited so long to get everything transferred over, my car taxes were fairly reasonable. A heck of a lot less than driving to PA.

The only problem is that USC refuses to acknowledge me as a resident of the state for another year because I only just changed over my license. I plan to declare SC taxes and not PA ones for last year so that should prove residency. It shouldn't matter where my damn car was registered or even my DL because the farm is a legitimate address for me to be attached to. Whatever. So now I have to have Jessica write a letter for me stating that I have full-time employment at the bookstore so that I can get in-state tuition. Why don't they count the classes I teach? Because I am paid per class and even though I'm doing a workload <= a full-time professor, I am not listed as a full-time employee. I argued with the lady cause it's not like I'm changing my residency just to get in state tuition. I would have done that 10 years ago if that was the case. Sheesh

I did tell Mike that no matter how long I live here, I will be a Pennsylvanian. That is my mentality. Dunno if it's better or worse than being a South Carolinian but there you go.

The rest of January went by pretty quickly and well. Things have settled down in to a routine. The problems at the store seem to have been worked out for now. The regional manager stopped by last week while Jessica was on vacation. I purposely didn't tell her about it because she was supposed to be on vacation and therefore should leave getting ready up to us. We did a damn fine job last week and I am proud of my co-workers. The few complaints that were made were not major (one was my fault because I focused on getting other stuff done that I couldn't mention as an excuse -- but it was ok cause I owned it and apologized) and easily remedied. I think the RD was pleased. Most if the complaints were actually by the DM. Big surprise.

I did find out on Monday that our DM has turned in her notice. Jessica is very upset by this and insists that those of us who do not like the DM are going to regret her departure because she's the best. Ummm. . .ok. Whatever. Personally, I think it is possible that we will get someone "worse" than the current DM but at least the new person won't have personal attachments and agendas that some of us have to fight through on top of the normal corporate crap. So, I can't honestly say that I'm sorry to see her go. Will this be for the better? Who knows. Right now they don't have replacement ideas. So, we'll see what happens.

Well, that's about it for now. I have more to write about and will do so as I have time this weekend. Thanks to you all who responded to the last entry. Sorry I didn't get to email everyone individually about the engagement. But hopefully you all will get to come. Nathalie, you better start saving up! (grin) Miss ya, babe.

Photo Opportunities

Ok, so, you saw me mention it an entry two or so ago and some of you have heard via phone or email: Mike and I are engaged. No, I don't have a ring but that's only because he's saving up for one. But we do have a date and plans in the works. I have decided that's enough to officially say that we are gonna get hitched. I don't have to make any major decisions for a while yet as the wedding is late next year, but I have been doing some girlie planning from time to time. One reason for the long engagement is that Val is getting married this October and I didn't want to clash with her. The other reason is that it gives us more time to save up for the date. I haven't decided yet if I'll create a separate wedding blog or just use this one. Probably do both. Vent here, plan there. lol

Anyway, one of my concerns has been the photographs. I really want to have the whole official portraits thing done. However, I hate having my picture taken. And while I have the hope that they will turn out to be awesome, I fear that I'll hate them too after spending good money. I was willing to let the hope side rule but now. . .well, tonight Michael was looking at my passport photo (I'd found it and a few others) and his response was, "You're really not very photogenic." Um, well, yeah. What he meant was that while my mouth was smiling, my eyes were anything but. They tend to have this wide, deer-in-the-headlights, intense look to them. He says that they don't show the happy, soft me. Well, no, they don't. One reason is because most of the time I'm not very happy at the moment of picture taking or I am having to 'pose' which just throws everything off.

So, I wonder, will this happen for the wedding photos? Mine and Val's?

Today must have been a picture day cause earlier I found out that JC Penney is offering 50% off their pics, free sitting, and free 8X10 for all mall employees. I'd been contemplating having engagement photos done -- you know, something I might actually like and consider putting online here too? But now. . .even though I am happy -- happier than I have been in a long time -- I wonder if my pictures will turn out well. (sigh)

Special Anniversary

Ok, so today is a special day for Mike and I. No, it's not our first anniversary from the day we started dating. The official day for that was the beginning of last month. No, today is our "special" anniversary, as I'm calling it. Don't worry, I'll spare you intimate details. But I do want to reminisce for just a second.

See, as you know, I never thought I would find someone -- let alone someone who fits me so well. And a year ago our relationship was too new to know that we were really such a good fit. We keep looking at each other and going. . .wow, I can't believe it's a year later. lol

But one year ago we took that step which makes such a difference for people. Maybe the fact that we weren't teenagers in heat made it even more special. All I know is that night was magic. I wasn't afraid. I wasn't uncomfortable. We were a little clumsy but the passion was real. The tenderness was there. And the movies can so get it right.

Now, one year on and we're doing even better. We've settled in together and it just feels right. Neither of us has forgotten what it was like before, or even the difficulties in the beginning, but that just helps make what we have better. So, yes, sorry, we're happy coupling people. Thank God Val has someone too or she'd be about to murder me. (wink) Seriously though, I sound like a sap and I know it. Don't care who hears it. It works. We love each other. It's allll good.

How Sad, Part II

I will spare you the details of the eleven years I knew Marc and Stephanie. That I will save for other places. Suffice it to say, the three of us were rarely friends with each other at the same time. Marc and I had a two/three year gap of not speaking to each other while he and Stephanie had a five year gap of not speaking. For clarification, I was friends with Stephanie the whole time. I stopped speaking with Marc during my last year of being friends with Stephanie.

My purpose here is to respond to Marc's email. Jami was so incensed by it that she felt compelled to write him one of her own. It is too funny and, I think, shows that I cannot be the evil bitch or him the long suffering martyr that Marc paints:

"How dare you act so uppity and righteous...I read your email to Lynn and I realized how stupid you are!!!! A person who has an affair, such as you and Stephanie have, certainly do not have cause to judge someone like Lynn. I knew you and Stephanie were assholes, but I had not realized the girth of your anal cavaties.
Your old friend
Jami
P.S. Stephanie has not told you the truth about why Lynn stopped talking to you or why she and Stephanie have stopped speaking..."

I nearly died laughing when she read it to me. I'm touched. I just realized that it gives you a little more info into the whole thing too. Ah, well, the whole story will out in some form or another.

Anyway, back to the hurtful email. And yes, it did sting for a little bit. But I have only myself to blame for setting myself up for pain. But it didn't last long. One reason was because I asked myself why I would let him hurt me again. The second was because Jami had me laughing too hard. Still, words have power and thus I will add my own so that I can be done with this.

I was going to address the Stephanie stuff first but. . .

Ummm. . .I haven't spoken to Steph since 2004 and him since 2003. So, there are no "actions" etc. from the past few years. If he means before that, well, ok, I guess he means: going to his wedding and being a supportive friend (despite being in love with him myself -- Stephanie refused to go and that explains their long silence), helping pay for his honeymoon (for which he still owes me a lot of money), listening to his endless rants about how xyz sucked with his life, helping him become friends with Stephanie again (that's what I get for being an idealist who just wants everyone to get along), lending him my car for a few months while I was in France because his had died and he and Adrienne had no money for one, and numerous other little things that I could list all in the name of friendship. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a martyr. He was there for me when my father was ill (and I love Adrienne dearly for being there too). In fact, he was more there for me than Stephanie. He was a decent friend. He seemed to care and we had fun together. But. . .well, though I shut down the romantic feelings, I couldn't shut down the pain of knowing that no matter what, I was not good enough for him. . .even as a friend. That no matter how I tried, he just didn't care about me. Truly care. Marc once told me that he was a cold hearted s.o.b. who didn't really have any feelings. I didn't believe that at the time but I thing it was a foreshadowing. I've seen him be cruel but I have also seen him be kind. In the end, there was nothing but confusion and drama. I don't know who's "sexual tension" he was talking about -- his and mine or his and Steph's -- but I do know that when I returned from France, I no longer had any of the old feelings left for him. It threw me off balance. If he's talking about him and Steph, well, it's pure denial. I don't know that they ever had a physical affair but, mentally, they were all over each other. And I got to hear both ends so I know. He can deny it, but there you have it. He was a married man with a child who was making those he supposedly loved miserable with his indecision. He was trying to balance it all and failing. I didn't help matters any. I know that. I had actually tried to sever ties with him right after he starting speaking with Stephanie again. That time I actually wrote to him about why. But he talked me into staying his friend. So, I tried. It just didn't work. And I was bone tired from the drama and I didn't like who I was around him. He'd trod on me long enough and I needed to take care of me.

I know, you're going to ask why I would try and contact him again if that's how I felt. Why? Because I hated just walking away quietly. It just didn't feel final enough. I knew he wouldn't try and make contact with me. So, I was unsurprised when I never heard from him. I asked Steph not to talk about him to me for a while and I think that is what really started our own decline. Funny, but she had asked the same of me years before. Wonder if she remembers that. Probably not cause I know she hated being asked not to talk about him. Eventually she had to because he became too much a part of her life. And I didn't say a word when she started to talk about him. I was ok with it.

I am not surprised that Steph doesn't want to be in contact. She is the one who stopped talking to me. I wish that her last letter to me wasn't packed away but I do remember some of it. She admonished me for telling her some personal things -- which, if she was my best friend, I should have been able to tell her -- because she found the conversation repulsive. Ok, one of the things was probably over the top but it was also part of our jokes and I seem to recall her telling me some of the same things in the past. But I guess what was ok for her was not ok for me. And she kept censuring even "normal" topics like crushes on guys. At the time, I could see where she was coming from because it must have always seemed like I was enamored of someone or pining away for a guy but there were no options. I can see that getting tiresome. Of course, whenever she was fixated, I heard endless talk about it so it wasn't just me. Problem was, she hadn't had a man in her life for quite a while. Then she starts speaking with Marc -- a friend she had fallen in love with years before -- and so there was going to be no one else. But that was just one of the topics. Steph didn't want to hear about my classes or teaching or anything like that. I tried hard to find conversations for us to talk about to try and cheer her up but she just didn't care. Part of that was due to depression and pain. I tried to help her find solutions but she didn't want to hear that either. What was I to do? She also made a life choice that I could not comment on at all for fear it would start a fight. Our relationship deteriorated rapidly. Despite what Marc says in his email, I did care greatly about her. And I did try and help. But it was like walking on eggshells around her. After a while, I gave up trying. And our conversations stopped being just that. There was so much dead silence that the calls became painful. But there was another reason that I gave up trying. . .she told me flat out that the only person who could help her was Marc. That he was the only person she needed. Stephanie shut me out. Then she wrote me this letter which basically told me that I either do xyz and become an automaton, or we were going to be over. She ended the letter with an expectation of me calling her. I sent her a reply card instead that was very simple. Why? Because I didn't know what else to say. She had told me she didn't need anyone but Marc so when I gave her space, she got mad at me. Was I suppose to fight? Beg? Plead? I didn't know what she wanted from me. I continued sending her ecards, etc. but eventually she blocked me. I was very hurt when she did that but I didn't try and call her because I assumed that she would just ignore me. So, she can be pissed and hurt and all that but I am not the one who walked away. I miss our long conversations and stuff -- from the time when I was in France to before. I want only what is best for her. If she sees my not being her friend as a good thing, then what else can I do?

Yes, maybe Marc was right in his barb, "Intelligent and rational people learn from their mistakes. We have. Neither one of us is doomed to let history repeat itself." I suppose I am not an intelligent and rational person because I was setting myself up to let history repeat itself. I had no idea that they harbored such hatred for me. Hurt, yes. Even anger. But such malice? They hurt each other so much -- did things to each other that are so far above anything I did -- yet they can forgive. But I think I understand. . .in their warped sense of betrayal over me, they can have another common thread. Jami called it triangulation. And you know what? That's always been the pattern for Marc. He's always had at least two women vying for his attention at any given time. I don't know why. He feeds off of it. I don't know what us women get. Well, at least some things never change. The truth gets buried beneath more lies and pride wins out.

Let them wallow in whatever they have found. I really do hope that they have found happiness and less pain. If Stephanie ever wanted to talk again, I would do so with her. As for Marc, I said years ago that I had wasted too many years on him. I will waste no more.

How Sad, Part I

Well, if you haven't read the "Missing Friends" entry below, read that one before this so that you're up to speed.

Despite my reservations, I wrote to Marc. Jami thought it was a good idea even though Val didn't. I wasn't sure but needed confirmation as to whether or not something bad had happened to Stephanie. Here's the main part:

"Hi. I recently sent Stephanie a snail mail card and got it back on Saturday marked as "Not deliverable as addressed - unable to forward." Do you know why? I've been worried about her because of everything that was happening the last time we spoke. "Refused" would have let me know she doesn't want to talk to me but this has me concerned that it's something else.

Look, a lot of shit happened a few years ago. We all know that. I am not popping back up expecting things to be all sunshine and easiness. I made mistakes. We all made mistakes. The point comes down to, as Jami says, us having a shared history and friendship. Why it couldn't have been easier, I have no idea. But as I said in the ecard, it's a new year. You can either take that for the simple way I mean it or we continue as we now are.

If you simply want to answer my question above without further contact, that's fine. If you'd like to try and be friends again (third times the charm), that's fine too. If it's the latter, I would prefer to discuss stuff via phone rather than this way but whatever works for you. I don't know if you tried calling but I haven't been home much. This week is way more open (vacation week) so just include a day and time in your response if you want to talk and I'll be available." You'll notice that there is no direct apology for the past. I had preferred to do that via voice.

I figured Marc wouldn't answer. Jami thought he would and be horrible about it. She was right. His reply email was very nasty. Now, the good thing is that he replied. But he could have kept it simple. Instead, it is written with the clear intention of hurting:

"Steph has moved. Per her wishes, I will not release her new address. You need not worry about either of us. Based on your actions, words, and attitudes of the past few years, we have both decided that it was obvious that whatever friendship was there was dead. We woudl both like to keep it that way.

We hav all made mistakes, but some mistakes show intent and are unforgivable. You dropped me like a hot rock because of some perceived sexual tension that you could no longer stand. Where you got that delusion from, I have no idea. Steph dropped you
because you never did seem to care about what was really going on with her a your supposedle "best" friend.

Give it up. We do have a shared history, and that's fine. Intelligent and rational people learn from their mistakes. We have. Neither one of us is doomed to let history repeat itself.

If this does not provide a proper answer, then I don't know what will. This is the last time I will address this subject, as well as the last time I will address you.

Be well, if you can."

Yes, the typos are his own. Guess spell check is a foreign concept. Oops, that came out a little nasty, sorry.

My response back to him:

"That's fine. This is my last email/contact to you.

I can't decide if it's sad or nice to see that some things never change. Since you never asked me why I stopped talking to you, then you have no idea about the real reasons. As for Stephanie, I didn't stop talking to her, that was her choice. I tried to help her as best I could and tried to be a shoulder for her but all she wanted was you. She even told me so -- that no one mattered but you to her. It's hard to be a friend when you're shut out.

"Be well if you can"? lol Honey, I am more well than I have ever been. I am very happy right now. No, my life isn't without some problems but I am doing well overall. I have regretted for years what happened between us all and simply wanted to apologize for hurting either of you if I did. I didn't expect an apology from either of you though I had hoped that maybe we could all be adults finally. Obviously I still harbor some delusions.

Tell Stephanie that hope all is well with her. My letter was simply my keeping my promise to her back at Beaver when we said that we would let each other know about our first times. I have a wonderful man in my life who is more right for me than I ever thought to find. We plan on marrying next year. Should you want to know about my life without contacting me, well, you have my blog address.

I hope that the two of you have found happiness and good fortune. I hope that you will do so in the future. My door will never be locked to either of you should you wish to say hello. For now though, it is closed upon the past and my only regret is that I will not know either of you in the future."

Ok, that's really long so I am going to write my internal monologue as a separate entry.

(Sigh)

Well, I just turned into one of those customers that you dread dealing with. Had a problem with the bank. And the woman on the other end just wasn't seeing the logic of what I was saying. She contradicted something told to me a while ago by another bank person. Seems instantaneous isn't that. And here's the other sucky thing. . .they don't list details with your online statement. They just list things and not even in the exact order that they happen. So, while she could tell me what time I did a transfer to keep things from going rubbery, she wouldn't look and see what I was talking about as far as the real order of things. What pissed me off and caused me to do something (hang up without a bye your leave) I never do? 1) She tried to backpedal as to why certain things went haywire. 2) She contradicted herself on postings and holds. 3) She tried to use psychology on me in a placating and less than sincere tone ("I understand how you feel"). Grrrr Do I feel bad that I hung up the phone after saying, "Oh, I understand, you're just trying to take my money."?? Yeah That was soooo mature. Think I just used up all my customer karma points on that one. Was I trying to get the fees removed? Well, yeah. I had done what I was supposed to do in order to avoid the damn things and yet they happened anyway! All because their stupid rules keep changing. I covered my ass before midnight when the rubber tree would have grown up. But that wasn't good enough apparently. (sigh) They get you any way that they can, non? Know what's even worse? I can see both sides of this issue and that sucks.

Vacation

So, yeah, I'm technically on vacation right now. One perk of becoming the assistant manager is that I get personal days and two weeks of paid vacation a year. It took three months for personal time which is accrued at a rate of four hours per month. I don't think this is a heck of a lot of sick days but I guess they figure 6 a year is fair. Sounds like a lot when you say it together but it takes a year just to get them. Fortunately, those roll over to the next year. However, it took six months for the vacation time to kick in. They have those accrue at an accelerated rate. Here's the conundrum: because of when I started as assistant (April), my vacation accrual time didn't start until November, one of two blackout months. Despite this problem, I have to take at last a week of my vacation time or I lose it. I can only carry over 40 hours of vacation time because of when I started. Well, hell, I'm not losing that! So, here I am, writing to you.

Actually, the timing is good. I need a week's recuperation and time away from the store. And Lord knows that despite the stress, I need to be dragged away from the place. Heck, I've already done some work this week for the place because I have an impending book fair and the person only just contacted me via email this week. What am I doing with my time? Sleeping and finally getting the house organized! On Monday I did errands and worked on the bedroom. Yesterday, I cleaned my office and the bathroom. Today I start on the kitchen. That's gonna be a two day job, I think. Depends. I think most of what is in the kitchen is books but I'll see. Washed some of the dishes this morning and put the clean clothes away. All the dirty stuff is now in the baskets instead of on the floor. So, I'm off to a good start.

Mike has turned me into quite the little domestic. lol Yeah, right. He's almost as bad as I am about doing stuff. His capacity to ignore things is amazing. I hit a point where I can't stand it any more. Actually, that point came a loooong time ago but since I didn't have time to do anything about it. . .I suffered in grumpiness. I doubt the spare bedroom will get done this week but at least we'll be able to use our kitchen and living room as they were meant to be used and not as storage spaces. Then we'll actually be able to have people over! No one has seen the place except for the people who helped us move.

Well, I best get to it then. I'll keep you updated.

Missing Friends

Ok, so a few years ago I walked away from one friend and let another just slip out of my life. I had various and asundry reasons for doing so. Was it the best move? I don't know. At the time it seemed like the right way to handle things. I'd kind of reached a turning point with the two and things were just way too stressful between us.

The first one. . .well, Marc had hit my angry button. Problem was, it was staying pushed. I just couldn't seem to get past certain things that were happening and certain feelings of frustration, etc. The situation was turning me into a sniping bitch. And that was someone I didn't want to be. So I walked away without saying a word. Probably not a mature decision but it didn't really seem to matter at the time to him whether I stayed or not. Of course, I don't know that for sure because the second friend, Stephanie, is the one who told him about my decision. I have no idea what was ever said to him but I needed some space and time to figure some stuff out. We had been pretty good friends and I miss our comaraderie. I regretted severing ties with Marc's wife, Adrienne, because we'd become friends but I really didn't know how to deal with the situation without causing more grief all around.

Steohanie was going through a lot of crap. We were having some major problems in our friendship due to stuff with Marc and a change into separate directions in our lives. I regret some of the things I said in their joint presence. My only excuse is that I was jetlagged and annoyed. And it wasn't all about them. As for why I let her walk away, well, I was tired of trying to please her when nothing I said or did was right. Anything I did do that was supportive was not viewed that way. Stephanie was wrapped up in her own pain (mental and physical) and just couldn't get out of it. I did try and help but I was not wanted. She wrote me an angry letter but there was nothing I could really say in response that would make her happy. So I sent a simple reply. After that she shut me out by blocking my general emails, etc.

Why bring this up now? Well, I recently tried to contact each of them. Over the past few years I have thought about them each a lot and wondered how they were. I hate to lose friends and the way that I parted with each was not done very well. It has left a sour taste in the back of my throat and regrets swimming in my head. I sent Marc an ecard that spoke of a new year coming up and new beginnings. He has not written. I am not really sure why I made the move except that for almost two weeks, every time I turned on the radio, I would hear this one song I always associate with Marc. It drove me bonkers. It's funny how I haven't heard it once since. As for Stephanie, I sent a real snail mail card to her parent's house because it's the only place I know of where she could get mail. Well, it came back today with a return to sender sticker on the front. The reasoning is "Not deliverable as addressed - unable to forward." Not sure what this means. Did she reject the letter? If so, why choose that option? There is an "Other" choice. There is also a hand written "UTF" which is "Unable to Forward." So I'm a bit confused. I wrote to her because I needed to fulfill a promise from years ago. And yes, I miss her. So now I don't know what to do.

Do I let this drop and have them be forever in the past?

Starting the New Year Off Wrong

Well, it didn't start off completely wrong. Mike and I got to ring it in together with a quiet kiss and cuddle. We went shopping a little on New Year's Day but for the most part kept it quiet.

We both had to go back to work on Tuesday. That's where the new year started to go to hell rather quickly. Of course, I have a theory about when that happens anyway so I'm optimistic that it will get better. lol

It's always something with work lately. I know I'm burned out from last year and all the crap we had to go through with the season, losing Tony, gaining Jessica, etc. I put the store before everything else and that bugs the crap out of me because I thought it was only going to be a temporary thing since I am not the manager and things were supposed to get settled. Yes, I'm the assistant but. . .well, you can guess the thought.

Tuesday and Wednesday were fraught with unforeseen problems. It didn't help that we had a huge theme change on top of our regular stuff this week. Couple that with a flux of customers on Tuesday because of the day of mourning and it was so much fun. I didn't have enough help to get things done but somehow it was all my fault for that. Uh huh. I got really stressed out and actually spoke with our DM. . .a person with whom I do not really get along. Of course, I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm vocal about how I feel. But my current state of mind about work has nothing to do with the DM.

Part of my disgruntlement lately has been the lack of communication between me and Jessica. It hasn't seemed like she listens to me at all. The thing is, her past assistants have been less than stellar and she's developed a complex where she has to do everything herself in order to get it done right. She doesn't trust anyone but her own people to do things because they know what she wants and why. She doesn't have to explain herself to them like she does with us. The funny thing is that most of the time I don't question her on stuff. It's Jon and Lindsay that do. lol Hopefully we'll all be able to work peaceably together. I know it's something that we need to learn to do in order to get back to our happy work place vibe. And I believe that we can do that. Right now I just want to get through the middle of March so I can take my other vacation days. A nice vacation for Mike and I. . .that will make up for the past few hellish work months.

Happy New Year 2007!

Well, I survived the holidays. It feels like the survival barely happened but what can I say when I work retail? lol

Christmas itself was pretty nice. Mike and I went up to see his mother in Charlotte. It was a nice quiet dinner and very relaxing. Unfortunately, I had to be at work for 6a on Tuesday so Christmas Day was short lived. The week went by fairly normally. My happy fun time kicked in on Wednesday so I came home early. I had off on Thursday. But Friday was really painful. Let's put it this way, it took me three Vicoden to get it to stop feeling like someone was using a wrench on my insides. Or maybe they were needle nosed pliers. I got through the complete shift but asked Kathleen to cover for me on Saturday. I know that she's looking for extra money and stuff so she was happy to get it. So, I took a vacation day. Mike and I got up and wandered around the flea market for a while. I figured that if I was gonna hurt, might as well do some walking and get some fresh air and exercise. I met one of his uncle's. Mike introduced me as his finacee. Yes, folks, that's what we're telling people. We even have plans which I will save for another blog. It was a nice day. We came home and just chilled out for the rest of it. Spent today doing leisurely things too since I had off (because I worked Christmas Eve). I asked for tomorrow off so that I could rest some more. My pills start again tonight so that should help.

We are planning on doing a quiet evening in for the holiday. It will be nice just to spend it together. This is our first New Year's together because last year I was in Pennsylvania. Well, as Kyle put it, not for very long but for the important event. I just wanted to be here with Mike last year. At least this year I get my wish and finally have someone (the first time ever) to be with to ring in the new year. It just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

I hope you all have a safe and happy one. See you next year!

Is Anyone Listening?

It's like talking to a wall. I swear that at least the bricks would reflect something back. What am I doing up at 7a on a freaking Saturday when school is out of session? Reversed insomnia. My brain is too rabbity for me to sleep. I got about 5 hours of exhausted sleep but I keep dreaming and feel restless. I don't want to wake Mike up with my fidgeting so I came in here to vent. This Christmas sucks but for him.

Why is that? I really hate my job right now. No, let me clarify that. . .I hate the damn situation. I really like working with the customers, helping them find books, and and even doing some of the business aspect of the job. What I hate is being treated like I am invisible and have no real experience. Like I don't know a freaking thing about XYZ. Give me a break. Am I perfect? No. Do I know everything? No. Am I willing to own up to my mistakes? Yes. So what's the problem?

First off, as you know, we have a "new" manager. She's actually been with the company for longer than me (five years to my two). But, she's never worked this store before or managed the kiosks though she has worked at them. Every store is different and has different needs. One of the major differences between her other one and this one is that we have a higher traffic. She seems jazzed and overwhelmed at the same time by that. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that she can't handle the situation, that she isn't capable of it. What I'm saying is that this is a different situation than she's been in before. She was tossed in head first without much warning. That is not her fault. If she'd had time to lead into the season, we all would be doing much better.

The problem comes in where she doesn't listen to those of us who have dealt with the place for Christmases past. It's not just me but others on the staff who feel like we belong to the Invisible Nation. How are we not being listened to? Well, one of the big things is scheduling. We don't find out until last minute when we'll be working. None of us but her and the two main kiosk people (for good reason) can plan anything because there is no rhyme or reason. I have it easier than most that way because of my position but even I am not immune. She does the schedule a day or two before the next week and there are holes that need to be scrambled to be fixed. Factor in extenuating circumstances and you have a recipe for disaster. I had everyone at a fairly set schedule but for requests off. Was I over in hours? Yes because we were having staffing problems and I was taking the time to make sure that people had training before being fed to the wolves. Is she good about trying to accommodate everyone? Yes. Very much so. But the planning needs to happen sooner.

Second problem is that we are caught in a catch-22. Our DM has been hammering at us about task work but if we get that done, we are ignoring the customers who are supposed to come first. Even when the numbers support us in why we don't get stuff done (because we don't have the hours to staff for it all -- that is corporate's fault), we get shit for it. We can't win. We have someone who hasn't worked in a store (that one in particular since the DM used to be it's manager) for well over two years coming in and bitching -- where customers can hear her -- about how disorganized things are when we're all obviously busting our butts helping people (I am speaking specifically of last night). It doesn't help that our manager runs to her with things that could be handled internally if she would just look to those around her for help.

And that's the crux of the problem.

A few of her former employees are working with us. They are a great bunch. One of them and I were talking about the matter the other night. She doesn't think that any of the store's original crew respects the manager. She doesn't understand that because the entire former crew would have done anything for their manager. Well, yeah, they worked with her longer and also under circumstances that weren't as stressful and dire as this. But respect isn't always an automatic thing. It has to be earned a lot of time. And it can fluctuate. Obviously jerking around people who could help doesn't aid the situation. This employee had some good points and she's right on a lot of it. The problem? While our manager tries to take into account everyone's schedule, she doesn't necessarily try to see all sides of each situation. Why? She has trouble focusing on one thing at a time (something who former employees readily admit is a problem for her). Things are so scattered that no one has a clue at any given moment what they are supposed to be doing beyond customer service. Couple that with a lack of allowed hours from corporate and a DM who keeps harping on numbers and other things (adding stress to our fearless leader who needs to be left alone to adjust) and it's no wonder that most of the crew would walk out right now.

And is that the point? I don't know. I do know that the DM doesn't like me. Well, the feeling is obviously mutual, non? But I try very hard to be fair about the whole thing. She has come in and helped us a lot from time to time. She is fighting with corporate over the lack of hours and planning us to death. I have openly appreciated these things. Unfortunately, more often than not, mostly she comes in just to criticize. There is no reward for doing well, only punishment for having problems. If things were more balanced, it would be fine cause that's how life works.

What I find amusing is that corporate sent out a "How to Survive the Holidays" poster a few weeks back. You know what? I think the higher ups need to have that branded into their brains cause they sure as heck haven't read the thing. It's all a big cycle. Are there going to be problems? Hell, yes. But they don't have to be compounded by hierarchical bullshit.

What is there to do when you start to hate going to work and become a miserable and bitchy wretch?

Attack of the Killer Underwire

Well, I survived the other week. Barely, but it did happen. I worked a lot on the 8th and made Jonathan crack up. See, at one point during my shift, I felt this jabbing sensation on my jaw and was like, what the heck?!? Well, I looked down and my right underwire had poked through my shirt and stuff. I kept pushing it back in throughout the day. Finally, while I was in the back unboxing the shipment and Jon was on break, I just pulled it out and held it up. Jon didn't know what it was until I told him and he just couldn't help but laugh uproariously. I think it was the look of exasperation on my face and the fact that I called it the attack of the killer underwire. So, there ya go, Jon, I posted about it.

Poor Mike was a little late getting back here because of snow up in NH. He thought he was coming home to warmer weather but it was in the 30s here. (laugh) But it was so good seeing him come home. We were just so happy to be together. Saturday started out well. I went to the last Sat. class and listened to the last of the speeches. When I got back we decided to go to lunch. Well, on the way is when things got frustrating. Going over some railroad tracks, my car picked up a huge bolt that flattened my tire. Mike exchanged my donut for the tire. He's my hero, man. Just doesn't get ruffled by these things like the men in my family. He was like, "Oh, well, it happens." I think he enjoyed playing savior to the damsel in distress and I enjoyed him doing it. (grin) Well, I had gotten my tires from Sears with road hazard protection. But it sucked because I hadn't wanted to go near the mall. We got in with no problem. I asked them to change the oil since the car needed one and we were there. Might as well get something good out of going to the garage. After lunch, the second stupid thing happened, I left my card in the ATM machine. Didn't realize it until I went to pay for my car later. Sheesh. I was feeling very icky by this time so I was highly annoyed at myself. Mike was cool though so that helped.

Because we ran around so much on Saturday, we just rested on Sunday. The week went by quickly. I'm still having some pain and light stuff but it's been ok until today. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and she gave me stronger pain killers for the next fun round after Christmas. My blood pressure was down to normal so that made her happy. That surprises me since the week has been hectic but hey, who am I to argue. I will be going back right before the semester starts to update her on what's going on. She thinks that things will start to straighten out after this next round and I begin the second bc pack. Hope so. I worked 10 hours yesterday and it killed me. I woke to pain and more than just light spotting. So, I called out sick.

And you know what happened?

Yup, you got it. . .I got berated for doing so. I pushed myself all the week that I was barely functioning because things needed to get done and made myself worse. But I call out to prevent it from getting worse and what do I get? A lecture about how it's the second Saturday before Christmas and there is so much to get done. To be fair, Jessica had asked me yesterday (after I told her what the doctor aid)if I was going to need to take some personal time and I said no. But that's because I was feeling ok and stuff. I honestly didn't expect to have this kick in worse last night and today.

Oh, and a chewing out about how we didn't get enough shelving done last night and why did I let one of my colleagues go? Well, let's see. . .could it have been because she was miserable about having to work? How she came in on her day off the day before and sacrificed time with her husband who she never sees? She was in a sour mood and traffic was light. Yes, she was doing work but how much does someone accomplish when they are miserable? Not as much as usual. She's a good worker and person. She only got to leave and hour and a half early. Trust me, not much more would have gotten done in that time. So, it was a bad judgment call on my part. Whatever. Oh, and I'm also supposed to be more of a bitch to people to get them to work harder. Uh, yeah, sure. Like that's gonna help. Never mind that we made plan last night (barely). No, I should have been able to get all of the boxes unpacked AND shelved a ton of stuff. Four of us should have been able to get a lot accomplished except that, well, Jon and I needed a break (so that loses us an hour of work time), and the customers (how dare they) actually expect people to help them. And never mind that my numbers were the best for the day. And have been for a long time.

Can you see why I might be having health problems right now? Mike got angry with me earlier today because I ended up on the phone with people instead of resting. Too much dealing with work. So, he turned off the phone. And I took a nap. And now I'm telling you all about it.

So what will I do? Plug on like always. I'll keep pushing myself until after the holidays. After that? I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be in this job which sucks because I really like working at the store, with the people (customers and coworkers), and being around books. But stuff has just been really stressful and I don't think it's all because it's the holiday season. I have earned vacation time and since we want to go somewhere in March, I'll stick it out for at least that long but afterwards? Job hunt, I think. We'll see. I am just not appreciated for how much effort I do put in and the same goes for some of the others. It never seems enough and I so don't deserve that shit.

R & R

I was supposed to work today but Jessica decided to work my entire shift since I've been busting my butt on top of being in a lot of pain. I was supposed to have had Sunday off but ended up working because there was no one else to. My shift was originally only supposed to be three hours long but I ended up working 9. It would have been ok if I hadn't been feeling like someone was using a poker to stir around my insides. On Monday I called the doctor and she gave me a Darvocet prescription. Yesterday, I actually called Jessica to see if she could come in early for me cause the Darvocet just wasn't cutting it. And, as I said to Melissa (new coworker), "I've already gone through two more arks and Noah's nowhere to be found." That was within a three hour tome span. But she didn't make it in early so instead she gave me the day off. She felt really badly about everything. That made up for a lot from the past few days. I've been working hard and my body has not been happy with me.

So, I slept for a really long time today. The pain is less but then again, I haven't been moving around much. Did the dishes and am working on the laundry but not much else is getting done work wise. Which is ok cause I need to rest. I do have the weekend off because Mike is out of town all week for a training school so I requested off so that we could make up for the lost time. Not that he misses me right now. He has new expensive machines to play with and that occupies his mind very well. lol I don't mind. It makes him happy to learn stuff and gives him a recharge that he needs every once in a while. Lord knows I have similar things that do the same for me. So, it's all good.

I finally got to Laurent and Natalie today. She's preggers again! Yay! So happy for them. The baby is due in April, a little over two years after the birth of their first child. I hope they have a girl this time. Laurent's family seems very prone to boys. It would be nice for them to have a girl to have one of each since they don't want more than two. It was so good to talk with them. I really miss them a lot. We are all so busy that time just slips by. But the good news is that I should be able to see them in March. I think I mentioned before that Mike and I plan to take a real vacation for my spring break. Well, we settled on England because I sigh over it every time it's mentioned and Mike would like to go out if the country. And I so want to take him to see some of the places I love over there. I so want him to meet Laurent and Natalie but I wasn't sure if they could meet us in Paris (like they did in '98 when Ken, Rose, Tara, and I went over to England) or not. It isn't too much more to fly in/out of London and in/out of Paris as a multiple destination trip. However, it is way too expensive to have Geneva as one of the stops. And Laurent and Natalie no longer have the space for visitors that they used to have so finding a decently priced hotel nearby was proving a little hard (though still possible if I could finagle Easy Jet flights to/from Geneva for over a weekend). The good news is that they are moving into a bigger place at the end of January and Laurent has invited us to stay with them! We can visit during the week because he has a lot of vacation time to use (unlike us pitiful Americans) and would be able to take 2/3 days off. Yay! We can go to Switzerland. I love that country and so want to take Mike there. And Laurent and Natalie are two of the most important people for Mike to meet. Laurent has been mon petit frere for over thirteen years and I think of Natalie as a sister. (I know that frere has an accent but the damn puter won't let me do it and I'm not sure how right now so sorry.) They are two of the best people I know and their "approval" of Mike is important to me. I know they'll all get along splendidly and I so want have that moment.

I am in such a good mood right now. I got to talk with two of my bestest friends in the whole world, I will get to see them in a few months, and I get to have a real vacation with the man I love. What more could I ask for right now? *big grin* Ok, I've thought of something. . .considering my talk with Val last night, for her and Dale to be able to go to England too and all of us have some London fun. Now that would just be the cherry.

Playing Catch Up Again

Currently it's still Thanksgiving morning but I want to write this now and submit later so my previous entry isn't lost in the long shuffle. I've actually been up since 7:15a. Couldn't sleep any more. Too many thoughts running through my head. I felt restless and didn't want to wake Mike up with being such. So, what better time than to update here? I cleared out one of my email boxes and did a few other things as well before now settling down to write.

Let's see, I guess the best place to start is doing categories.

WORK: It has been incredibly hectic and stressful. You got a smattering of that back in the middle of September. Well, things got interesting right before the author dinner (which went pretty well -- it was a nice evening and we plan to do it again in February). Anyway, the gist of what was going on in August/September was this: our manager was doing a musical and thus pretty MIA for most of the last part of Aug and all of Sept. Now, he deserves a life because he does work hard and we figured that we could handle things until after the run. Well, we could have if we hadn't had one major debacle after another happen. The new hire problems were only part of what went on. The majority of the problems had to do with the calendar kiosks. I swear to God they are cursed this year. I don't know if it's because we have two instead of our one from last year or what but everything that can go wrong pretty much has with them. It's been enormously stressful and time consuming. So, with Tony unavailable for most of the emergencies, yours truly got to deal with them. Jon and Lindsay were a great help at this time as were the rest of the peeps (Erin, Felicia, Tyler). We managed to keep our heads above water but things were slowly degrading in the store because there just weren't enough hours in the day to keep up. We were massively over in hours because of the kiosk problems and so there were none to give towards improving the slide down (shelving, outside sales, etc).

We thought that things would settle down once Tony was done with the musical. And it probably would have but we weren't given the time to see because the DM decided to switch him out with another store's manager. To say the least, Jessica's people were less than thrilled with the switch. There was some major drama at first. And there was a great deal of tension between Tony and I over the switch. I don't know if he blamed me for what happened but I had tried my damnedest to keep it together and him from suffering any major backlash but I was obviously unsuccessful. Things needed to improve but this wasn't how I would have thought it would get done! Sheesh. And he's been doing some very odd things (out of character) at his new place that makes me wonder what the hell is going on. I think he may have burned out on everything and that makes me sad. But we have too much to deal with at our store for me to find out the truth. Jessica has been working her butt off to get things in order for the holidays which officially (EEEEK!) start tomorrow. She is under a lot of pressure from our DM to do a gazillion things at once and though I have been trying to take a lot of the stuff on myself, it just doesn't seem to help. I am also trying to learn her habits and quirks so that I can work with/around them. That's made things fun too. I'll write more about this at another time. The end result of all of this has been that I have been too busy to accomplish much outside of the store. It's a good thing that I like my job.

HOME: Everything is just peachy with Mike and I. As with all couple, we have our moments but 99% of the time we are sickeningly happy coupling peoples. Mike's been working a lot too so by the time we both get home, we just want to rest and spend some down time with each other. Unfortunately, because of us working so much (don't forget that I still have two classes to teach), our house still looks like a storage shed. We finally got me a few bookshelves for my office a few weeks ago but I only have a few boxes unpacked. A friend has snagged some shelves for us from a business renovation so we'll have more soon which will help a lot. I will feel much better once this place is together enough to have people over and we can stop living in our bedroom and offices.

HEALTH: You may recall that I said that I wasn't feeling well during the anime conference. Well, I made an appointment with the gyno to finally get it checked out. They didn't have any appointments available until the beginning of this month. I didn't freak out this time as badly as a few years ago (which had led me to avoiding the whole thing for so long) but it was very stressful. Fortunately, Julie (the nurse practitioner) is very nice and sympathetic and that helped. And she tried her hardest not to hurt me. She was concerned that I hadn't been "normal" for so long. That it just isn't healthy not to have the whole monthly thing. (Give me a break here, people, I'm trying to phrase things in a non-gross/overdescriptive way.) So, she wanted me to have an ultrasound done to see what's going on because I've been cramping and spotting on/off now since August. During the past week, I've been having bad lower back pain (cramps) as well as one icky day (which, were I "normal" would have been more than one). Michael has been awesome cause he is so not grossed out by any of this. And, bless his heart, he's been worried about me which is new to him (he's not used to worrying about people). He's been putting up with my moods (and there have been times when I have been a very moody bitch but just couldn't seem to care cause of all my frustrations -- but I do try and not let it get too bad). That probably nominates him for sainthood. lol

Anyway, my PAP came back normal. Most of the ultrasound was fine except that my endometrial lining is way too thick. It's supposed to be 8mm or less and mine is 14mm. That's not good cause it can be a sign of endometriosis or cancer. Now, considering my age (postmenopausal women are at more of a risk), it probably isn't the last but we have to be sure since both father and his mother died of cancer (Mum died of ovarian cancer). Normally they would want to do a D & C and test everything but given my spazoid nature about gyno exam type stuff, they (Julie and the reg gyno at USC) agreed that we would see if the pill will help. So, I am currently on a 10-day Provera treatment that should induce some really fun times (aka: good thing I have some personal/vacation time saved up). After that I start on Yasmin. In six months I'll have another ultrasound done to see if the lining has gone down. If it has, yay, no invasive treatment. If not, I get to take a nap and have a lovely scrape job done. Oh, yippee. (sigh) So, I will keep you all posted. I also have to go back in a month because Julie is concerned about my blood pressure. It's too high right now (gee, I wonder why). To help remedy that I am modifying my diet by cutting out all the crap I've been eating because I haven't had much time to make myself good food. I need to get the house organized so I can get my treadmill hooked up and start walking again. Mike and I are planning on taking a trip for my spring break next year. Not sure where or what but I need a vacation and planning a get away will help my stress level. Hell, I'll get paid for that week off (as will he) so why not?

So, there you have it, folks. A cursory catch up on what's been going on. I'll writ e more about work later. Hope you all had a good holiday! Hugsies.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just wanted to send out a little note to tell you all how much I appreciate you. I am a very thankful person this holiday season (as always). So much has happened in the past year and my head is still spinning from the changes. What am I most thankful for this year? Well, the obvious answer is Mike. I don't think that last year I would have believed that he and I would be where we are at this time. It is truly amazing. The not so obvious answer to what I am thankful for is still having all of my dear friends in my life even though I haven't been so very good at keeping in touch as I used to. Yes, Mike has been a part of what has kept me from it but it's been more that I haven't had the time or energy because of work, etc. You all seem to understand that and I appreciate your patience and love every day more than you could possibly know. So, Happy Thanksgiving! I will catch up with you again soon!

Hugs.

Party!

Ok, all, here is the post where you can sign up for the Angela Knight Halloween author dinner/Halloween party. Below is the poster I created (background created by Angela herself, the full picture can be found on her author website under vampires):



The $22 includes: buffet dinner, sweet tea, taxes, tips, and an Angela paperback! There will be various paperbacks to choose from or you can upgrade to one of the larger paperbacks for the difference in the book cost. I need people to please pay in cash so that I can split the money between the restaurant and the bookstore. There will be other books available to buy and cash or check is fine for those. If you have a special request for a book, I will do my darndest to have it there or at least mail it to you later.

Space is limited so please let me know asap. You can contact me via posting here (I'm thinking that would be the easiest way to insure that your email isn't lost) or the store # (8037324508). I won't be at the store this weekend but you can always reserve with one of my fellows. If you're coming from out of town, I might be able to arrange a discounted hotel rate. I'm going to check on that possibility today and update to verify. Hope to see you there!

Happy Birthday!!

Sending out the wishes to Jami and Shawnna who share this wonderful birth date with me. Jami and I are the same age but Shawnna is a few years younger. It's good to know that all of our parents were stuck because of a blizzard. ;o) Love yas!!

Anime Widow

So, here's the second half:

On Thursday, I was supposed to have gotten home a little after 4p so Mike and I could leave for Atlanta early but instead we left after 6p. He was annoyed with me because he came home at 3p to wait for me instead of doing a last minute call that he’d gotten at work. Even though he was adamant that he understood that it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t leave work earlier (Jon didn’t get into the store until 4p anyway so I couldn’t have left until then), he was mad that he had to leave a job unfinished before going on vacation. So, our trip started out on a very sour note. I was stressed out because of work – there was more to the stress than just what I wrote above but I’ll spare you that stuff – and because Mike was upset. I wasn’t feeling well (migraine/cramps) so that didn’t help either. It was just so peachy.

As you can imagine, I wasn’t too surprised with how the day ended on Thursday. We get to the hotel only to find out that they had over booked the place and we were being bumped to another hotel. This was at 10:30p. Mike had made his reservations back in February. Heck, there were people who had made them last November who got bumped. It was just peachy. The good thing to come out of it was that we got one night’s free lodging. Sheesh. Got up early on Friday so we could beat the crowds for registration to the 12th annual Anime Weekend Atlanta. Yup, you heard me right. Hence why I have the title of this piece. It’s a con that Mike has gone to the pats couple of years and is one of his favorite things in the whole world. Fortunately, nothing can make Mike unhappy when he is here or we would have had some major problems on Friday cause I was a much less than a happy camper. Lack of sleep, stress, etc. will do that to you. My mood was definitely black and cloudy. My final straw came after it seemed like we might still not get a room. Well, that and Mike admonishing me that I was being rather mean to the receptionist. Mean? I didn’t lose my temper or yell or anything like that. Was I chipper? Heck no but then why should I have to be? I wasn’t feeling well and just wanted to rest. No, it’s not the receptionist’s fault – hence the keeping check of my temper – but I wasn’t about to be uber nice and have them walk all over us. But I guess that I had my super intense scary face on cause Mike was annoyed with me. Hey, we got a room before some other people. Of course, the final straw came when we got up here and there were two doubles instead of a king! So much for snuggling and stuff. But did I go back down and yell at anyone or demand a different room? Nope. THAT would have been unreasonable behavior. Mike just doesn’t appreciate how much I was NOT a bitch on Friday. lol Granted I was being bitchy, but it could have been so much worse.

I ended up spending the afternoon feeling miserable and stressed out. Mike went and did his thing which was good because most of what was wrong was my own mind. And I didn’t want to ruin the con for him. And I did try later that day to cheer up and join in on stuff. But it didn’t really seem to work. Ok – and yes, I’m aware that what I’m going to say is contradictory but whatever – it didn’t help that Mike didn’t seem to really care whether I was with him or not. My presence was inconsequential to whether he was going to have fun. He was happy no matter what I did. On one hand this is good because I wanted him to have a good time. On the other hand, I wanted us to do stuff together. I wanted to be a part of this with him because it’s something he loves. I didn’t want to make him miserable with my mood and leaving me to my own devices certainly made sure that it didn’t but leaving me alone also made me feel cut off and isolated. When I did finally get into a better frame of mind to try and be sociable, my efforts seemed to go unnoticed. Mike later told me that I didn’t have to try and do anything, I just had to have fun.

(Sigh) But that’s just the problem, isn’t it? I had told him before that I didn’t want him to worry about me cause I can keep myself amused. But then I fall into the whole “I would have more fun being with you” trap. I would prefer to spend the con time with Mike but not everything he wanted to see is something I find interesting. 95% of what I did watch was pretty good but there were some things I just couldn’t raise the energy for. Part of it is that I’m too damned tired. The last few months have sapped me out and I just don’t have much energy right now. I’ve had to take naps the past two days in the afternoon just so I could function at night.
At any rate, this is all a problem with me. I realized yesterday morning that here I am like women who are with football crazed fans – the sport takes precedence over the relationship. So, I am an anime widow instead of a football widow. The major difference is that I only have to deal with “losing” Mike for one weekend a year instead of months. lol Mike is used to doing his own thing at the con. He’s not used to having someone else around with him. He wants me to have a good time but not the expense of his good time here. And since it’s his “thing”, what he wants matters more. If this were my con, then the roles would be reversed. It has certainly been a learning experience, that’s for sure.

Yesterday was much better. After some sleep, I was ok to do stuff. Mike and I were together on and off throughout the day. Had a really stressful phone call from Jon about more problems at the store (Tyler was hit in the eye with a cord at the kiosk, another person called out due to home problems with a water main, etc). Grrr. But then Mike and I had a nice dinner. He bought me a bag that I had thought was cool. And he got me a pair of cat ears cause I said that I wanted some. They’re pretty cool. We watched a few hours of shows. They were pretty good and I feel better about everything. I found some that I could get into. I’ll never be as into this stuff as he is but that’s ok. I don’t need to be. So long as he’s ok with that, I’m ok with it. I did drag him to see some Hentai (cartoon porn) cause I was curious about it. The first one was, well, interesting. The second one was funny and the audience was a good one to be with. Overall, the day ended pretty well even if he didn’t come back to the room with me and. . . . lol

Today we have spent the entire time apart. There weren’t any shows that I wanted to see. So, I went shopping instead. Got a few more stocking stuffers for Christmas. And wandered to the mall so I could get some stuff. But I am still tired and feeling eh. I know that part of my mood is because tomorrow is my birthday and I am always a grump around it cause it never goes quite the way I want it too. I’ll live. Mike should be back soon. The closing ceremonies should be over by now and I can finally have him back. Would really like a good long cuddle right now.

And Now For Something Completely Stressful

Ok, I'm gonna have to do this as two separate entries so here's the first:

Man, has it only been ten days since I last wrote? Since like much longer than that. I am currently in an Atlanta hotel room waiting for Mike to return from the closing ceremonies of the convention we have been at. It’s been an interesting and educational weekend. But before I go into that, let me set it all up from the last time I wrote.

I mentioned how fubar things have been going with our calendar kiosks. I swear to God that they are cursed this year. We keep having the worst luck with finding enough good and reliable employees. It so wasn’t this hard the past few years. But then, we weren’t stuck with two kiosks either. Plus, even though the gas prices are going down, people are still not shopping like last year. That should hopefully change later in the season but fiscal September sucked big time.

Anyway, the employee situation. . .we have some really good and reliable people so far (thank you Felicia, Tyler, and Kaitlyn) and I just found another one who stepped up and helped us out a lot last week (thanks Mark). But we have also been having an even bigger problem with others (names being withheld on purpose). The first person to quit was because he didn’t realize that we sold as much “porn” as we do. Ummm. . .ok. Let’s just say that his definition of the word included the swimsuit calendars as well as karma sutra books. Whatever. The second person to quit was because she was bored out of her mind. We warn everyone that the kiosks are mind numbing at this time of year. But it does get better. She set us up for much scheduling headaches because she quit in the middle of her shift without warning. The third major quit was a bigger loss because she seemed like she would have fit in well with us. We lost her because she didn’t realize that we were only hiring seasonal employees with no guarantee that they can stay beyond the end of the holidays. Not sure why this wasn’t clear to begin with but the pay wasn’t what she expected either. I do hope that she does better at her next job. I think I missed someone else on the quitting front but my brain is too fried to remember all.

Then there’s the big headache with another employee who has awesome availability on paper but has proven unreliable in various ways. Let’s see, first off, her interview was fine. Nothing spectacular. She wasn’t super vocal or anything but no major red flags went off. Tony found her to be a little too reticent for his taste but was willing to give her a try. Things started off ok. She had problems with closing the register down but that’s fairly normal the first time so no biggie. But the problem didn’t get better. Over the course of a week and a half she messed up her stuff – even with help – so much that we can’t have her closing for a while. None of the others care for her because of certain attitudes that have been given off so that doesn’t help matters. She called off sick the one night which isn’t a big deal in and of itself but it added fuel. The near final straw came when we realized that she was wandering away from the kiosk without us knowing where she was. That and she was caught texting on her cell phone. We’ve been running spot checks on her and all looked ok but it all just happened too much at once. Too many screw ups in a short amount of time. Tony didn’t want to fire her but instead he wanted to cut her back to two days a week. Considering that she wanted a lot of hours and stuff, I could pretty much guarantee that she was going to quit because of it. He hates to fire people. And he wanted to give her some time to get her act together unless she was caught doing any of the above things again. Well, I haven’t scheduled her at all for next week and I’ll tell you why: she called out at the last minute on Thursday night to say that she couldn’t come in because she’d just been evicted from her apartment and only had the evening to get her stuff out. I know that it doesn’t work that way without warning but that was the final straw for me. I left her off the schedule because I had no way of talking with Tony before I wrote it up. We can’t afford to keep putting up with this stuff. Plus, the eviction puts her into the company’s red flag zone as far as loss/prevention is concerned.

It didn’t help matters that Kaitlyn had already called out earlier in the day because she was really sick (she’d caught what was going around) and we hadn’t yet found someone to replace her. No one could come in except for the new guy. We were also having problems with both kiosk registers all week and on Thursday. The week was very stressful.

Egads!!

I tell you, I feel like I'm cut off from civilization and miss you all so much. You can't blame it on Mike though. This isn't a case of spending all my "free time with a guy syndrome." No, that would have been earlier this year. Mike and I have settled into comfortable coupledom. What's been keeping me away has been work. I'm rarely home at a decent hour and when I am, I'm too tired to write. But I am planning on changing that. I feel like a big meanie for neglecting you all and I am sooooo sorry.

Anyway, it's probably best to just give a brief synopsis of the past two months. Mike and I moved into a four bedroom house in the middle of July. Packing and stuff pretty much took up the end of June until end of July. Took us two weekends to move everything. We were smart and did an overlap of the two places (Mike's idea) so that we could space out the moving. I have so much stuff! Omg, it's insane. Since then we have settled into a comfortable routine but have been so busy that we haven't been able to really unpack. It feels like we're living in our storage area. lol But we have to get cracking because Valerie is coming to visit with her fiance (yes, you heard me right -- she's engaged!) so we need to have a place for them to sleep. It's good though cause I really need to get a move on. Part of the reason we didn't unpack much is because I needed to wait for school to start up again so I can afford bookshelves. lol Mike's convinced I have way more books than I think I do (which is over 4000).

I was going to try and catch up two weeks ago but ended up with a nasty sinus infection. It's been making the rounds. I didn't take off from work so it ended up hanging on far longer than it should have. I worked my ass off last week (almost 50 hours at the store plus teaching hours). So, I gave myself two days off in a row this week. Was gonna catch up yesterday but the rain made me feel blech so I slept. Been feeling insomniatic this week. Really need a break. So, Mike and I are planning on going away to the mountains during my fall break.

I really like working at the bookstore but it is sucking up way more of my energy than it should. The last two weeks have been the worst because we were trying to get our calendar kiosks (yes, this year we have two, oh joy) up and there was major fubaredness happening (none of it our fault -- thank the corporate crackheads for this one). It didn't help that I was sick and Tony (manager) was sick at the same time. He's in rehearsals for a musical and that's sapping him. We've all been covering and taking care of more things so that he can focus on it cause it's something he loves to do. Thought it would make him happy but I dunno. He was majorly stressed the last two weeks because of everything and he took it out on us big time. It wasn't just one of his brief minute spazzes but a stretched out one. And none of us needs this kind of stress. The good thing is that the rest of us are backing each other up in the schedule, etc. Jon and I rotate weekends and now Lindsay has the other key so we'll be able to balance even better so none of us burns out. We're all doing other things (school or other work) and now Tony is seeing what it is like for us to be juggling dual "jobs". Problem is, I don't think it's made him more empathetic. Just grouchy.

So we'll see. I gotta get our house organized so that I can set up some kind of schedule for myself which will include keeping in touch with you all. You have no idea how much I miss ya. Please be patient with me. I think about each of you a lot and so wanna talk. I just gotta get all of my ducks in a row. It's been great having Mike cause he is a big help. It's good to have someone to snuggle with. And he deals with my snarkiness when I'm grumpy. Part of the problem this year is a lack of downtime for my brain. Gonna take that so I can be my usual tigger self and have more energy for all the fun things I haven't been able to do lately.

Anyway, I gotta run. So need to clean today. Mike is as good as me at ignoring stuff. I think that's a blessing and a curse. lol I'll try and be better and post at least once a week. Love and hugs to you all.