How Sad, Part I

Well, if you haven't read the "Missing Friends" entry below, read that one before this so that you're up to speed.

Despite my reservations, I wrote to Marc. Jami thought it was a good idea even though Val didn't. I wasn't sure but needed confirmation as to whether or not something bad had happened to Stephanie. Here's the main part:

"Hi. I recently sent Stephanie a snail mail card and got it back on Saturday marked as "Not deliverable as addressed - unable to forward." Do you know why? I've been worried about her because of everything that was happening the last time we spoke. "Refused" would have let me know she doesn't want to talk to me but this has me concerned that it's something else.

Look, a lot of shit happened a few years ago. We all know that. I am not popping back up expecting things to be all sunshine and easiness. I made mistakes. We all made mistakes. The point comes down to, as Jami says, us having a shared history and friendship. Why it couldn't have been easier, I have no idea. But as I said in the ecard, it's a new year. You can either take that for the simple way I mean it or we continue as we now are.

If you simply want to answer my question above without further contact, that's fine. If you'd like to try and be friends again (third times the charm), that's fine too. If it's the latter, I would prefer to discuss stuff via phone rather than this way but whatever works for you. I don't know if you tried calling but I haven't been home much. This week is way more open (vacation week) so just include a day and time in your response if you want to talk and I'll be available." You'll notice that there is no direct apology for the past. I had preferred to do that via voice.

I figured Marc wouldn't answer. Jami thought he would and be horrible about it. She was right. His reply email was very nasty. Now, the good thing is that he replied. But he could have kept it simple. Instead, it is written with the clear intention of hurting:

"Steph has moved. Per her wishes, I will not release her new address. You need not worry about either of us. Based on your actions, words, and attitudes of the past few years, we have both decided that it was obvious that whatever friendship was there was dead. We woudl both like to keep it that way.

We hav all made mistakes, but some mistakes show intent and are unforgivable. You dropped me like a hot rock because of some perceived sexual tension that you could no longer stand. Where you got that delusion from, I have no idea. Steph dropped you
because you never did seem to care about what was really going on with her a your supposedle "best" friend.

Give it up. We do have a shared history, and that's fine. Intelligent and rational people learn from their mistakes. We have. Neither one of us is doomed to let history repeat itself.

If this does not provide a proper answer, then I don't know what will. This is the last time I will address this subject, as well as the last time I will address you.

Be well, if you can."

Yes, the typos are his own. Guess spell check is a foreign concept. Oops, that came out a little nasty, sorry.

My response back to him:

"That's fine. This is my last email/contact to you.

I can't decide if it's sad or nice to see that some things never change. Since you never asked me why I stopped talking to you, then you have no idea about the real reasons. As for Stephanie, I didn't stop talking to her, that was her choice. I tried to help her as best I could and tried to be a shoulder for her but all she wanted was you. She even told me so -- that no one mattered but you to her. It's hard to be a friend when you're shut out.

"Be well if you can"? lol Honey, I am more well than I have ever been. I am very happy right now. No, my life isn't without some problems but I am doing well overall. I have regretted for years what happened between us all and simply wanted to apologize for hurting either of you if I did. I didn't expect an apology from either of you though I had hoped that maybe we could all be adults finally. Obviously I still harbor some delusions.

Tell Stephanie that hope all is well with her. My letter was simply my keeping my promise to her back at Beaver when we said that we would let each other know about our first times. I have a wonderful man in my life who is more right for me than I ever thought to find. We plan on marrying next year. Should you want to know about my life without contacting me, well, you have my blog address.

I hope that the two of you have found happiness and good fortune. I hope that you will do so in the future. My door will never be locked to either of you should you wish to say hello. For now though, it is closed upon the past and my only regret is that I will not know either of you in the future."

Ok, that's really long so I am going to write my internal monologue as a separate entry.