It Is Agreed

So, I spoke with Jessica last night about me taking a medical leave. She was cool with me doing it. Only concern was with how we go about getting it processed. I told her that I spoke with the woman at HR about it and that she would be contacting me next week. That she had asked if I'd been to a doctor yet. No, but I did call mine on Friday. I'll call the other one tomorrow since she's been the one dealing with my most recent ailments. And she's the one concerned about the migraines. So, this should go pretty smoothly for now. I'll step back for a while and work on stuff here at home. Get the house organized (finally) and looking respectable enough for visitors. And start cracking on the dissertation.

This will give Jessica and I a break from each other. And it allows her to give Melissa extra hours (as a means of distracting her from her grief and the fact that her husband is away on business for a month) as well as Jonathan. I know they want them but we don't have them to give. And maybe she'll be able to save some for the Harry Potter event.

So, overall, this will be a good thing. If Melissa doesn't come back next week, I'll probably work at least some of it. Hopefully she will be though.

Anyway, it is late and I'm tired. I'm opening in the morning so I need to get some rest. Hopefully now that this has a resolution (however temporary it may be at the moment), I'll be able to sleep again.

Big Grins

Ah, the support of friends. I love it. Thanks all for responding. I decided that you needed your own entry here instead of listing a reply post.

Laurent, you crack me up. And Mike is a student at your school most of the time which is why his being riled up over this is such a big deal. Yes, we all go through crap with our jobs. . .none is perfect. I guess I've just been putting up with too much of it from this one for too long.

Kirsti, I hear ya. Problem is, this isn't a corporate policy. To quote our handbook from page 70: "Booksellers should discourage visits from relatives and friends during working hours." That does not say that they cannot come in at all which is what she wants. This is something Jessica wants to make a store policy but isn't adhering to herself. Last Wednesday her aunt and grandmother came in looking for her (the second time that week that someone came to visit her) and her mother was in the store with her this past Thursday. Each of them "looked around" just like Mike does but did not purchase anything. 75% of the time Mike purchases something. And when he doesn't he orders something to buy later. How can she say that this is a policy for us all but then not adhere to it herself? Plus, she said that he could come in if he is bringing me food for dinner. Um, ok. Not sure how that makes a difference. And that's what happened last night. Mike came in, I sent him for dinner, he came back, I sent him out into the mall to wait for me with the food, and then I joined him. He didn't shop this time because he has decided to take his business elsewhere. Michael wouldn't be having a problem with this if it were merely a case of him not being allowed to visit me. He understands that rule of course. He sees the issue as being against him as a customer.

Which brings me to Andi: You got it right on the head, chickie. Well, for the most part. See, the problem is, Jessica turned this into a problem that got attached to his being a company employee even though the issue didn't have anything to do with that. Hence going to HR. We each spoke with a person yesterday. Not sure how helpful she was with me when her suggestion was to talk with Jessica about issues. Been there, done that. My head is bloody from bashing that wall. Our communication level is good for about two weeks and then she starts treating me like an incompetent idiot all over again. So, no, I don't think that's going to help. And I just found out where this all probably comes from -- at her other store, that assistant's bf was coming in a lot and disrupting things. Jessica is afraid of a repeat even though I am not like the other assistant and Mike doesn't have such free time. If that was her fear, she should have talked to me about it like an adult before passing me off as guilty.

As for Mike, the HR person was confused about why this was an issue for him and why he doesn't just shop at the store he's been working at. To summarize what he said to her: 1) He's only worked at that store 4 times, 2) He's a lifelong patron of my store, 3) Our store has a better selection of what he reads (it does -- we're one of the best in Columbia for manga), and 4) Store loyalty since he hasn't developed an attachment to his store yet. This impressed HR (he thinks) and hopefully there will be resolution soon.

At any rate. . .Andi is right and it's been the question I have been asking myself. Why am I here? What is important to me right now? The answer would be my dissertation and getting my damned degree. This job was only ever meant to be temporary. I don't want to spend my life there. Can I see it as an option should I not be able to find a teaching job? Yeah. But it takes too much energy away from things I find more important. Life is too short to waste on such pursuits if they aren't making you happy.

And Andi, you made it sound like you are wasting your degree or something. You're not. You never really wanted to teach -- you wanted the knowledge that you could apply to your art (she has a PhD in music composition). Teaching was a secondary thing for you. And I've realized that it is for me too. Writing is and has always been what I've wanted. Well, by damn I'm gonna stop waffling and do it. I love teaching but I have a more driven goal than even that. But you all know how bad a procrastinator I am. Something has to kick my ass sometimes before it actually sinks into my thick skull what I should be doing. (grin)

So, I guess after all that writing, we have reached the end answer. . .moving on from that phase of my life. I got some good things out of it: friends, lots of books, experience, etc. I most especially got the best thing in my life out of it and he's in the next room writing his own blog entry. But in the end, the job has had far more negative things to come with it: no time to spend with friends or be as good a one as I want to be, little time to be a good teacher, a drain on my energy and health, no time for writing, etc. Oh, and an OCD paranoid manager with a martyr complex. I have put a lot into the store but the price has become too high. In the end, is this latest incident a big deal? No. But it was that final straw I needed to not feel bad about leaving. I have been debating the issue for months. Guess I know which side of me has won the debate.

And It Keeps Getting Better

Did you get the sarcasm in the title? Hmmm. . .maybe not. I just can't believe the bullshit that I am having to endure right now. And not just me but Mike and my co-workers. See, on Tuesday I got a call from the other store. The manager wanted Mike's phone # so that she could talk to him about various things. Well, we figured we knew what one of those things was but we patiently waited. Despite the whole "significant others are not allowed in the store while you're working" bit being my store's personal issue, Jessica has dragged in other people. I just checked my entries and I neglected to tell you all about Mike's little chat with her about how he feels about this whole thing.

He was very upset. And has been for a while with this being the final straw for him. So when he said that he wanted to talk to her about it, I said go for it. Well, he got a bit worked up while doing so and apparently scared her. Now, if you know Mike, you know that he isn't a violent person and that he is the farthest thing from intimidating. Normally, that is. Get him angry about something and he can spit fire just like the rest of us. Unfortunately, we'd let his anger with her build up for too long. He'd tried in the past to let Jessica know that he felt mistreated by her but she always blew him off. She didn't take him seriously.

Well, she did this time. In fact, she went to HR and tried to have him fired from the other store! I just don't believe this stupidity. She claimed that this had nothing to do with him as an employee of another store but then she cried little girl hurt and wants him fired. I truly believe that she is trying to find a way to get rid of me. She has nothing she can hold against me to fire me with just cause so she goes after Mike in hopes that I will just quit (as I have mentioned doing) or will roll over and let her kick me.

(snort) Guess what? Neither if I can help it. I like my job and I am damn good at it. But I can;t continue with this stress. Notice the report time of this blog? Yup, insomnia once again. Yesterday we decided to each call HR and file complaints against her. Well, Mike had tried last week and no one called him back. Then his grandmother dies and we get distracted enough to give her time to file. It explains why she was in such a good freaking mood this week. She thinks that she has this all under control. She thinks wrong. I am well and truly pissed. I am sick of her treating me like a second class citizen and like shit. I've worked hard for the store. And my absence will make a difference whether she believes that or not. Even a little dent is still a dent. She has no idea how much shit I have deflected from her in the past. How many times coworkers complained to me about things that she was doing and I defended her. How many times I've followed after her and cleaned up messes and done things that she should have. Why? Because I am her assistant and that's my job. Well, no more. I will continue to do my best by my customers but not for her. For them. And for myself and my integrity.

So, this morning I will be calling HR and filing a complaint. I will also be asking for a leave of absence because I cannot stay there under these circumstances. I like my job. I really don't want to leave it. But I cannot continue the way things are. It is affecting too many aspects of my life. One good thing -- it isn't hurting my relationship with Mike. Instead, I think in a way it has brought us closer because we mostly agree with what needs to be done. And on the few gray areas between us on it, we just support each other.

We could just walk away but as both Mike and the southern Kyle (who is in HR for a different comapny) agree, if we do, she'll just keep pulling this stuff. She hasn't managed to keep an assistant for very long and they have all supposedly sucked. I begin to wonder if that was really all them or if she was pulling these things and they were trying to work around them like me but just weren't as successful. I don't know. But I think it says something for a manager to not be able to keep assistants very long. I'm not usually one to see conspiracies in things but this situation has reeked of one from the first day. I just have to be sure to cover my ass for the future. Which I will do this morning. Wish me luck.

Dropping Like Flies

I think that working at the bookstore is a curse right now for our families. Two weeks ago, Melissa's father died from cancer. . .Mike's grandmother died this past Sunday night. . .John's great aunt died last night. . .and now Tyler's grandmother is about to be taken off life support which means she'll die soon too. That makes two each in the past month for Mike (his grandfather), Jon (his grandmother), and Tyler (his fiancee's grandfather). Sheesh. Plus, our former co-worker, Felicia, had her grandfather die last month too. I've never had such freaky events happen before. Well, except for the summer where the last of my great aunts and uncles all died when I was in my early twenties.

I suppose it shouldn't be a big surprise since people are living longer these days. And we're all of an age where we have older relatives. Except for Melissa's father, I think they were all in their 80s at least. Still, it's making things fun at the store for scheduling. (sigh) I have a few relatives in that age range left myself. And I know that most of my friends do as well. I guess that when you're a kid, you don't notice this stuff -- endless rounds of funerals -- but as an adult you can't help but to notice. Sheesh.

2007 is shaping up to be such a "fun" year!

Decisions Decisions

So, yeah, it seems that getting up early is becoming a habit for at least one day a week. I think it's because I have a lot on my brain this morning. Mike hasn't talked to HR yet about the whole "not allowed in the store" thing. Last week it was because he had no time to call. Well, he did but the person never got back to him. Yesterday he was home because his grandmother died on Sunday night and he wanted to spend some time with his mother (it was her mom -- her dad, his grandfather, died about a month ago so you can see the kind of fun we've been having). That was very sweet and completely an impromptu choice on his part. I feel really bad for her. I don't think that it matters when your parents die. . .losing them is always hard. And to lose both in quick succession has got to suck the most.

Anyway, I've been trying to decide what to do about the store. At first I thought that I should just look for a new job all together so that I can get out of there. But I realize that I just don't have the time in the fall for that on top of teaching five classes. I need to focus on that and the dissertation. I can always get something else in the spring. So, I will tough out the job until the end of July to give myself a breather.

At that time I will probably turn in my resignation. A part of me would like to stay on at the store because I really do enjoy working with the books and stuff but I just can't handle the stress from all of the bs. My brain latched onto it this morning and suggested that I request staying on for Tuesday mornings and Wednesdays as a keyholder. I mean, I am basically left alone by Jessica at those points. I like getting out the new stuff and Wednesday is her day off. If I did that, I would have a solid work block of Tuesday through Thursday for earning money and then four days for focusing on the dissertation. I would still have to teach Monday night (for 8 weeks) and Saturday morning (all semester) but I would have more time for me. And I could avoid the stress of dealing with the political bs, earn a little extra money which could go towards the wedding fund, and keep my discount. If Jess doesn't like this idea, well, no sweat, I leave completely. If that ends up being the case, Mike and I will no longer be shopping at the store. He is adamant about that -- if I no longer work there, he will no longer patronize it. And so long as he works for the Columbia Mall store, well, we still have a discount that we can use there or at Borders. So, it will be a win win situation.

I think it's a good solution for now. It's one that I can live with. It may not work but at least it is an option to complete termination. I have a feeling that Melissa will end up as the assistant. But we'll see. I suppose it depends upon whether she wants the job but I have a feeling that she does. Anyway, I should run. I have some emails to send out about Valerie's bridal shower and should do them while I'm thinking of it and have time.

Meanderings in the Morning

I couldn't sleep anymore. I stayed in bed for an hour but my brain just wouldn't shut down. I tell you that it's unnatural to wake up before 6a on your own. lol

Why such insomnia?

Well, a lot has been going on as usual. The latest drama is just an extension of why I wasn't able to write as much as I used to. It all goes back to the job. You've read my rants before about work -- both teaching and bookselling. Well, most of the drama of the past year has come from the latter.

See, it never seems to end. Just when things start getting on an even and smooth keel, my manager has to pull something else out of her bag of tricks. Only this last one may be the final straw. Last Tuesday she came away from the weekly conference call with the following statement, "Ok, from now on Mike isn't allowed in the store when you're on the clock and you're not allowed over at Patti's store when he's working." (He got transferred to the other store a few weeks ago which seemed to solve problems.) My response? "What?" This came out of the blue. Seems she's gotten some bug up her butt about his presence in the store. I think it stems from the fact that Mike stopped by last month a few more times than usual -- and they happened to be during the day. She acts like we're sneaking around and doing something we're not supposed to do. And that he shows up far more than he really does. When I'm on the clock, he maybe is in there once a week. Big emphasis on that word because most of the time I'm off the clock. But there are exceptions during the weeks where I have a slightly different schedule from the norm.

And every time he stops by, he shops. If I have other customers in the store, I ignore him for them. He's always finding manga to buy or have one of us order for him. And that's just it. . .his visits are not just "personal" in the store. Mike was a customer there long before I started working there. He's been exclusive with us for over a year because of me and out of his feeling of loyalty to the store because everyone (until Jessica) has always given him great customer service. Mike has tried in the past to let her know that he hasn't appreciated the way that she has treated him because she blows him off a lot. She has never seen him as a customer like the rest of us. It's ingrained into our minds in that way because that's how we knew him first. He's not just some extension of me. He's a regular. The fact that we're together now is a secondary point when it comes to the store. Mike adores bookstores and goes into them whenever he finds one. It's one of our biggest connections.

Well, you could say that him not being "able" to come into the store for 32-40 hours a week isn't a big deal but for Mike it is a major problem. He feels that he is being told that he doesn't have the right to do something that is natural for him. He's started writing his own rant on his blog and I'll let you know when he posts it. Mike is livid. I don't think I've ever seen him this angry about something. He has a sense of righteous indignation about him because he sees his rights as being violated. And they are.

This has got to be one of the dumbest arguments ever. I could see his "visits" being a problem if he was just coming in to hang out while I'm there and distracting me from working. Cause yeah, he's really doing that. It's why I have the highest numbers in the store in all area but one (overall total sales amount -- it's the only area Jess is beating me). Cause he's such a distraction. (snort) Oh, and I forgot, he's there because he doesn't have a life and job and that keeps him out of town 75% of his workdays. Give me a freaking break. He doesn't distract or disturb anyone. Not even Jessica. . .well, mostly because she ignores him even when he has questions about stock and ordering or when he's ready to ring out. Oh, oh, and let's not forget how many people he's unofficially helped over in the manga section because he gets babbling with them about stuff. We have a new regular because of Mike (and because Jon and I have continued helping the guy get the books he wants). Heck, we have a new regular because of our combined efforts from a convention we worked on together for another store.

So, yeah, let's keep him from coming in whenever he pleases. Cause that's the way to keep people happy. I'm so stressed right now from this that I'm having some health problems. I so don't need this bullshit. At least I'm losing some more weight. Maybe I should start a new diet plan -- Boss Bullshit Diet -- You eat so much crap at work that you can't possibly hold down real food at home. Yum.

A Long Time Ago. . .

Yeah, that's about right for how long it has been since I've written. This past semester was just way too stressful for words. Just had no energy to sit at the computer and write. Kept some handwritten journal entries but that was about it. So, I will go back this week and catch you all up on what has been happening. I have to work all weekend or I would do it now. And I'll send an email so you know when I have managed the first entry. Sheesh.

Hope you're all well. Miss you.

Residency

I've been meaning to write for the past few weeks but haven't found the time. Hopefully I'll remember everything that I wanted to write. lol

Anyway, a few weeks ago I finally changed my Pennsylvania residency for a South Carolina one. (sigh) Man, I fought doing it for so long that it seems silly now. But it needed to be done since this is where I will be living for the forseeable future. I always said that I wouldn't change until I knew where I might end up. The upside is that I don't have to drive up to PA anymore to get the car inspected. And since I waited so long to get everything transferred over, my car taxes were fairly reasonable. A heck of a lot less than driving to PA.

The only problem is that USC refuses to acknowledge me as a resident of the state for another year because I only just changed over my license. I plan to declare SC taxes and not PA ones for last year so that should prove residency. It shouldn't matter where my damn car was registered or even my DL because the farm is a legitimate address for me to be attached to. Whatever. So now I have to have Jessica write a letter for me stating that I have full-time employment at the bookstore so that I can get in-state tuition. Why don't they count the classes I teach? Because I am paid per class and even though I'm doing a workload <= a full-time professor, I am not listed as a full-time employee. I argued with the lady cause it's not like I'm changing my residency just to get in state tuition. I would have done that 10 years ago if that was the case. Sheesh

I did tell Mike that no matter how long I live here, I will be a Pennsylvanian. That is my mentality. Dunno if it's better or worse than being a South Carolinian but there you go.

The rest of January went by pretty quickly and well. Things have settled down in to a routine. The problems at the store seem to have been worked out for now. The regional manager stopped by last week while Jessica was on vacation. I purposely didn't tell her about it because she was supposed to be on vacation and therefore should leave getting ready up to us. We did a damn fine job last week and I am proud of my co-workers. The few complaints that were made were not major (one was my fault because I focused on getting other stuff done that I couldn't mention as an excuse -- but it was ok cause I owned it and apologized) and easily remedied. I think the RD was pleased. Most if the complaints were actually by the DM. Big surprise.

I did find out on Monday that our DM has turned in her notice. Jessica is very upset by this and insists that those of us who do not like the DM are going to regret her departure because she's the best. Ummm. . .ok. Whatever. Personally, I think it is possible that we will get someone "worse" than the current DM but at least the new person won't have personal attachments and agendas that some of us have to fight through on top of the normal corporate crap. So, I can't honestly say that I'm sorry to see her go. Will this be for the better? Who knows. Right now they don't have replacement ideas. So, we'll see what happens.

Well, that's about it for now. I have more to write about and will do so as I have time this weekend. Thanks to you all who responded to the last entry. Sorry I didn't get to email everyone individually about the engagement. But hopefully you all will get to come. Nathalie, you better start saving up! (grin) Miss ya, babe.

Photo Opportunities

Ok, so, you saw me mention it an entry two or so ago and some of you have heard via phone or email: Mike and I are engaged. No, I don't have a ring but that's only because he's saving up for one. But we do have a date and plans in the works. I have decided that's enough to officially say that we are gonna get hitched. I don't have to make any major decisions for a while yet as the wedding is late next year, but I have been doing some girlie planning from time to time. One reason for the long engagement is that Val is getting married this October and I didn't want to clash with her. The other reason is that it gives us more time to save up for the date. I haven't decided yet if I'll create a separate wedding blog or just use this one. Probably do both. Vent here, plan there. lol

Anyway, one of my concerns has been the photographs. I really want to have the whole official portraits thing done. However, I hate having my picture taken. And while I have the hope that they will turn out to be awesome, I fear that I'll hate them too after spending good money. I was willing to let the hope side rule but now. . .well, tonight Michael was looking at my passport photo (I'd found it and a few others) and his response was, "You're really not very photogenic." Um, well, yeah. What he meant was that while my mouth was smiling, my eyes were anything but. They tend to have this wide, deer-in-the-headlights, intense look to them. He says that they don't show the happy, soft me. Well, no, they don't. One reason is because most of the time I'm not very happy at the moment of picture taking or I am having to 'pose' which just throws everything off.

So, I wonder, will this happen for the wedding photos? Mine and Val's?

Today must have been a picture day cause earlier I found out that JC Penney is offering 50% off their pics, free sitting, and free 8X10 for all mall employees. I'd been contemplating having engagement photos done -- you know, something I might actually like and consider putting online here too? But now. . .even though I am happy -- happier than I have been in a long time -- I wonder if my pictures will turn out well. (sigh)

Special Anniversary

Ok, so today is a special day for Mike and I. No, it's not our first anniversary from the day we started dating. The official day for that was the beginning of last month. No, today is our "special" anniversary, as I'm calling it. Don't worry, I'll spare you intimate details. But I do want to reminisce for just a second.

See, as you know, I never thought I would find someone -- let alone someone who fits me so well. And a year ago our relationship was too new to know that we were really such a good fit. We keep looking at each other and going. . .wow, I can't believe it's a year later. lol

But one year ago we took that step which makes such a difference for people. Maybe the fact that we weren't teenagers in heat made it even more special. All I know is that night was magic. I wasn't afraid. I wasn't uncomfortable. We were a little clumsy but the passion was real. The tenderness was there. And the movies can so get it right.

Now, one year on and we're doing even better. We've settled in together and it just feels right. Neither of us has forgotten what it was like before, or even the difficulties in the beginning, but that just helps make what we have better. So, yes, sorry, we're happy coupling people. Thank God Val has someone too or she'd be about to murder me. (wink) Seriously though, I sound like a sap and I know it. Don't care who hears it. It works. We love each other. It's allll good.

How Sad, Part II

I will spare you the details of the eleven years I knew Marc and Stephanie. That I will save for other places. Suffice it to say, the three of us were rarely friends with each other at the same time. Marc and I had a two/three year gap of not speaking to each other while he and Stephanie had a five year gap of not speaking. For clarification, I was friends with Stephanie the whole time. I stopped speaking with Marc during my last year of being friends with Stephanie.

My purpose here is to respond to Marc's email. Jami was so incensed by it that she felt compelled to write him one of her own. It is too funny and, I think, shows that I cannot be the evil bitch or him the long suffering martyr that Marc paints:

"How dare you act so uppity and righteous...I read your email to Lynn and I realized how stupid you are!!!! A person who has an affair, such as you and Stephanie have, certainly do not have cause to judge someone like Lynn. I knew you and Stephanie were assholes, but I had not realized the girth of your anal cavaties.
Your old friend
Jami
P.S. Stephanie has not told you the truth about why Lynn stopped talking to you or why she and Stephanie have stopped speaking..."

I nearly died laughing when she read it to me. I'm touched. I just realized that it gives you a little more info into the whole thing too. Ah, well, the whole story will out in some form or another.

Anyway, back to the hurtful email. And yes, it did sting for a little bit. But I have only myself to blame for setting myself up for pain. But it didn't last long. One reason was because I asked myself why I would let him hurt me again. The second was because Jami had me laughing too hard. Still, words have power and thus I will add my own so that I can be done with this.

I was going to address the Stephanie stuff first but. . .

Ummm. . .I haven't spoken to Steph since 2004 and him since 2003. So, there are no "actions" etc. from the past few years. If he means before that, well, ok, I guess he means: going to his wedding and being a supportive friend (despite being in love with him myself -- Stephanie refused to go and that explains their long silence), helping pay for his honeymoon (for which he still owes me a lot of money), listening to his endless rants about how xyz sucked with his life, helping him become friends with Stephanie again (that's what I get for being an idealist who just wants everyone to get along), lending him my car for a few months while I was in France because his had died and he and Adrienne had no money for one, and numerous other little things that I could list all in the name of friendship. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a martyr. He was there for me when my father was ill (and I love Adrienne dearly for being there too). In fact, he was more there for me than Stephanie. He was a decent friend. He seemed to care and we had fun together. But. . .well, though I shut down the romantic feelings, I couldn't shut down the pain of knowing that no matter what, I was not good enough for him. . .even as a friend. That no matter how I tried, he just didn't care about me. Truly care. Marc once told me that he was a cold hearted s.o.b. who didn't really have any feelings. I didn't believe that at the time but I thing it was a foreshadowing. I've seen him be cruel but I have also seen him be kind. In the end, there was nothing but confusion and drama. I don't know who's "sexual tension" he was talking about -- his and mine or his and Steph's -- but I do know that when I returned from France, I no longer had any of the old feelings left for him. It threw me off balance. If he's talking about him and Steph, well, it's pure denial. I don't know that they ever had a physical affair but, mentally, they were all over each other. And I got to hear both ends so I know. He can deny it, but there you have it. He was a married man with a child who was making those he supposedly loved miserable with his indecision. He was trying to balance it all and failing. I didn't help matters any. I know that. I had actually tried to sever ties with him right after he starting speaking with Stephanie again. That time I actually wrote to him about why. But he talked me into staying his friend. So, I tried. It just didn't work. And I was bone tired from the drama and I didn't like who I was around him. He'd trod on me long enough and I needed to take care of me.

I know, you're going to ask why I would try and contact him again if that's how I felt. Why? Because I hated just walking away quietly. It just didn't feel final enough. I knew he wouldn't try and make contact with me. So, I was unsurprised when I never heard from him. I asked Steph not to talk about him to me for a while and I think that is what really started our own decline. Funny, but she had asked the same of me years before. Wonder if she remembers that. Probably not cause I know she hated being asked not to talk about him. Eventually she had to because he became too much a part of her life. And I didn't say a word when she started to talk about him. I was ok with it.

I am not surprised that Steph doesn't want to be in contact. She is the one who stopped talking to me. I wish that her last letter to me wasn't packed away but I do remember some of it. She admonished me for telling her some personal things -- which, if she was my best friend, I should have been able to tell her -- because she found the conversation repulsive. Ok, one of the things was probably over the top but it was also part of our jokes and I seem to recall her telling me some of the same things in the past. But I guess what was ok for her was not ok for me. And she kept censuring even "normal" topics like crushes on guys. At the time, I could see where she was coming from because it must have always seemed like I was enamored of someone or pining away for a guy but there were no options. I can see that getting tiresome. Of course, whenever she was fixated, I heard endless talk about it so it wasn't just me. Problem was, she hadn't had a man in her life for quite a while. Then she starts speaking with Marc -- a friend she had fallen in love with years before -- and so there was going to be no one else. But that was just one of the topics. Steph didn't want to hear about my classes or teaching or anything like that. I tried hard to find conversations for us to talk about to try and cheer her up but she just didn't care. Part of that was due to depression and pain. I tried to help her find solutions but she didn't want to hear that either. What was I to do? She also made a life choice that I could not comment on at all for fear it would start a fight. Our relationship deteriorated rapidly. Despite what Marc says in his email, I did care greatly about her. And I did try and help. But it was like walking on eggshells around her. After a while, I gave up trying. And our conversations stopped being just that. There was so much dead silence that the calls became painful. But there was another reason that I gave up trying. . .she told me flat out that the only person who could help her was Marc. That he was the only person she needed. Stephanie shut me out. Then she wrote me this letter which basically told me that I either do xyz and become an automaton, or we were going to be over. She ended the letter with an expectation of me calling her. I sent her a reply card instead that was very simple. Why? Because I didn't know what else to say. She had told me she didn't need anyone but Marc so when I gave her space, she got mad at me. Was I suppose to fight? Beg? Plead? I didn't know what she wanted from me. I continued sending her ecards, etc. but eventually she blocked me. I was very hurt when she did that but I didn't try and call her because I assumed that she would just ignore me. So, she can be pissed and hurt and all that but I am not the one who walked away. I miss our long conversations and stuff -- from the time when I was in France to before. I want only what is best for her. If she sees my not being her friend as a good thing, then what else can I do?

Yes, maybe Marc was right in his barb, "Intelligent and rational people learn from their mistakes. We have. Neither one of us is doomed to let history repeat itself." I suppose I am not an intelligent and rational person because I was setting myself up to let history repeat itself. I had no idea that they harbored such hatred for me. Hurt, yes. Even anger. But such malice? They hurt each other so much -- did things to each other that are so far above anything I did -- yet they can forgive. But I think I understand. . .in their warped sense of betrayal over me, they can have another common thread. Jami called it triangulation. And you know what? That's always been the pattern for Marc. He's always had at least two women vying for his attention at any given time. I don't know why. He feeds off of it. I don't know what us women get. Well, at least some things never change. The truth gets buried beneath more lies and pride wins out.

Let them wallow in whatever they have found. I really do hope that they have found happiness and less pain. If Stephanie ever wanted to talk again, I would do so with her. As for Marc, I said years ago that I had wasted too many years on him. I will waste no more.

How Sad, Part I

Well, if you haven't read the "Missing Friends" entry below, read that one before this so that you're up to speed.

Despite my reservations, I wrote to Marc. Jami thought it was a good idea even though Val didn't. I wasn't sure but needed confirmation as to whether or not something bad had happened to Stephanie. Here's the main part:

"Hi. I recently sent Stephanie a snail mail card and got it back on Saturday marked as "Not deliverable as addressed - unable to forward." Do you know why? I've been worried about her because of everything that was happening the last time we spoke. "Refused" would have let me know she doesn't want to talk to me but this has me concerned that it's something else.

Look, a lot of shit happened a few years ago. We all know that. I am not popping back up expecting things to be all sunshine and easiness. I made mistakes. We all made mistakes. The point comes down to, as Jami says, us having a shared history and friendship. Why it couldn't have been easier, I have no idea. But as I said in the ecard, it's a new year. You can either take that for the simple way I mean it or we continue as we now are.

If you simply want to answer my question above without further contact, that's fine. If you'd like to try and be friends again (third times the charm), that's fine too. If it's the latter, I would prefer to discuss stuff via phone rather than this way but whatever works for you. I don't know if you tried calling but I haven't been home much. This week is way more open (vacation week) so just include a day and time in your response if you want to talk and I'll be available." You'll notice that there is no direct apology for the past. I had preferred to do that via voice.

I figured Marc wouldn't answer. Jami thought he would and be horrible about it. She was right. His reply email was very nasty. Now, the good thing is that he replied. But he could have kept it simple. Instead, it is written with the clear intention of hurting:

"Steph has moved. Per her wishes, I will not release her new address. You need not worry about either of us. Based on your actions, words, and attitudes of the past few years, we have both decided that it was obvious that whatever friendship was there was dead. We woudl both like to keep it that way.

We hav all made mistakes, but some mistakes show intent and are unforgivable. You dropped me like a hot rock because of some perceived sexual tension that you could no longer stand. Where you got that delusion from, I have no idea. Steph dropped you
because you never did seem to care about what was really going on with her a your supposedle "best" friend.

Give it up. We do have a shared history, and that's fine. Intelligent and rational people learn from their mistakes. We have. Neither one of us is doomed to let history repeat itself.

If this does not provide a proper answer, then I don't know what will. This is the last time I will address this subject, as well as the last time I will address you.

Be well, if you can."

Yes, the typos are his own. Guess spell check is a foreign concept. Oops, that came out a little nasty, sorry.

My response back to him:

"That's fine. This is my last email/contact to you.

I can't decide if it's sad or nice to see that some things never change. Since you never asked me why I stopped talking to you, then you have no idea about the real reasons. As for Stephanie, I didn't stop talking to her, that was her choice. I tried to help her as best I could and tried to be a shoulder for her but all she wanted was you. She even told me so -- that no one mattered but you to her. It's hard to be a friend when you're shut out.

"Be well if you can"? lol Honey, I am more well than I have ever been. I am very happy right now. No, my life isn't without some problems but I am doing well overall. I have regretted for years what happened between us all and simply wanted to apologize for hurting either of you if I did. I didn't expect an apology from either of you though I had hoped that maybe we could all be adults finally. Obviously I still harbor some delusions.

Tell Stephanie that hope all is well with her. My letter was simply my keeping my promise to her back at Beaver when we said that we would let each other know about our first times. I have a wonderful man in my life who is more right for me than I ever thought to find. We plan on marrying next year. Should you want to know about my life without contacting me, well, you have my blog address.

I hope that the two of you have found happiness and good fortune. I hope that you will do so in the future. My door will never be locked to either of you should you wish to say hello. For now though, it is closed upon the past and my only regret is that I will not know either of you in the future."

Ok, that's really long so I am going to write my internal monologue as a separate entry.

(Sigh)

Well, I just turned into one of those customers that you dread dealing with. Had a problem with the bank. And the woman on the other end just wasn't seeing the logic of what I was saying. She contradicted something told to me a while ago by another bank person. Seems instantaneous isn't that. And here's the other sucky thing. . .they don't list details with your online statement. They just list things and not even in the exact order that they happen. So, while she could tell me what time I did a transfer to keep things from going rubbery, she wouldn't look and see what I was talking about as far as the real order of things. What pissed me off and caused me to do something (hang up without a bye your leave) I never do? 1) She tried to backpedal as to why certain things went haywire. 2) She contradicted herself on postings and holds. 3) She tried to use psychology on me in a placating and less than sincere tone ("I understand how you feel"). Grrrr Do I feel bad that I hung up the phone after saying, "Oh, I understand, you're just trying to take my money."?? Yeah That was soooo mature. Think I just used up all my customer karma points on that one. Was I trying to get the fees removed? Well, yeah. I had done what I was supposed to do in order to avoid the damn things and yet they happened anyway! All because their stupid rules keep changing. I covered my ass before midnight when the rubber tree would have grown up. But that wasn't good enough apparently. (sigh) They get you any way that they can, non? Know what's even worse? I can see both sides of this issue and that sucks.

Vacation

So, yeah, I'm technically on vacation right now. One perk of becoming the assistant manager is that I get personal days and two weeks of paid vacation a year. It took three months for personal time which is accrued at a rate of four hours per month. I don't think this is a heck of a lot of sick days but I guess they figure 6 a year is fair. Sounds like a lot when you say it together but it takes a year just to get them. Fortunately, those roll over to the next year. However, it took six months for the vacation time to kick in. They have those accrue at an accelerated rate. Here's the conundrum: because of when I started as assistant (April), my vacation accrual time didn't start until November, one of two blackout months. Despite this problem, I have to take at last a week of my vacation time or I lose it. I can only carry over 40 hours of vacation time because of when I started. Well, hell, I'm not losing that! So, here I am, writing to you.

Actually, the timing is good. I need a week's recuperation and time away from the store. And Lord knows that despite the stress, I need to be dragged away from the place. Heck, I've already done some work this week for the place because I have an impending book fair and the person only just contacted me via email this week. What am I doing with my time? Sleeping and finally getting the house organized! On Monday I did errands and worked on the bedroom. Yesterday, I cleaned my office and the bathroom. Today I start on the kitchen. That's gonna be a two day job, I think. Depends. I think most of what is in the kitchen is books but I'll see. Washed some of the dishes this morning and put the clean clothes away. All the dirty stuff is now in the baskets instead of on the floor. So, I'm off to a good start.

Mike has turned me into quite the little domestic. lol Yeah, right. He's almost as bad as I am about doing stuff. His capacity to ignore things is amazing. I hit a point where I can't stand it any more. Actually, that point came a loooong time ago but since I didn't have time to do anything about it. . .I suffered in grumpiness. I doubt the spare bedroom will get done this week but at least we'll be able to use our kitchen and living room as they were meant to be used and not as storage spaces. Then we'll actually be able to have people over! No one has seen the place except for the people who helped us move.

Well, I best get to it then. I'll keep you updated.

Missing Friends

Ok, so a few years ago I walked away from one friend and let another just slip out of my life. I had various and asundry reasons for doing so. Was it the best move? I don't know. At the time it seemed like the right way to handle things. I'd kind of reached a turning point with the two and things were just way too stressful between us.

The first one. . .well, Marc had hit my angry button. Problem was, it was staying pushed. I just couldn't seem to get past certain things that were happening and certain feelings of frustration, etc. The situation was turning me into a sniping bitch. And that was someone I didn't want to be. So I walked away without saying a word. Probably not a mature decision but it didn't really seem to matter at the time to him whether I stayed or not. Of course, I don't know that for sure because the second friend, Stephanie, is the one who told him about my decision. I have no idea what was ever said to him but I needed some space and time to figure some stuff out. We had been pretty good friends and I miss our comaraderie. I regretted severing ties with Marc's wife, Adrienne, because we'd become friends but I really didn't know how to deal with the situation without causing more grief all around.

Steohanie was going through a lot of crap. We were having some major problems in our friendship due to stuff with Marc and a change into separate directions in our lives. I regret some of the things I said in their joint presence. My only excuse is that I was jetlagged and annoyed. And it wasn't all about them. As for why I let her walk away, well, I was tired of trying to please her when nothing I said or did was right. Anything I did do that was supportive was not viewed that way. Stephanie was wrapped up in her own pain (mental and physical) and just couldn't get out of it. I did try and help but I was not wanted. She wrote me an angry letter but there was nothing I could really say in response that would make her happy. So I sent a simple reply. After that she shut me out by blocking my general emails, etc.

Why bring this up now? Well, I recently tried to contact each of them. Over the past few years I have thought about them each a lot and wondered how they were. I hate to lose friends and the way that I parted with each was not done very well. It has left a sour taste in the back of my throat and regrets swimming in my head. I sent Marc an ecard that spoke of a new year coming up and new beginnings. He has not written. I am not really sure why I made the move except that for almost two weeks, every time I turned on the radio, I would hear this one song I always associate with Marc. It drove me bonkers. It's funny how I haven't heard it once since. As for Stephanie, I sent a real snail mail card to her parent's house because it's the only place I know of where she could get mail. Well, it came back today with a return to sender sticker on the front. The reasoning is "Not deliverable as addressed - unable to forward." Not sure what this means. Did she reject the letter? If so, why choose that option? There is an "Other" choice. There is also a hand written "UTF" which is "Unable to Forward." So I'm a bit confused. I wrote to her because I needed to fulfill a promise from years ago. And yes, I miss her. So now I don't know what to do.

Do I let this drop and have them be forever in the past?

Starting the New Year Off Wrong

Well, it didn't start off completely wrong. Mike and I got to ring it in together with a quiet kiss and cuddle. We went shopping a little on New Year's Day but for the most part kept it quiet.

We both had to go back to work on Tuesday. That's where the new year started to go to hell rather quickly. Of course, I have a theory about when that happens anyway so I'm optimistic that it will get better. lol

It's always something with work lately. I know I'm burned out from last year and all the crap we had to go through with the season, losing Tony, gaining Jessica, etc. I put the store before everything else and that bugs the crap out of me because I thought it was only going to be a temporary thing since I am not the manager and things were supposed to get settled. Yes, I'm the assistant but. . .well, you can guess the thought.

Tuesday and Wednesday were fraught with unforeseen problems. It didn't help that we had a huge theme change on top of our regular stuff this week. Couple that with a flux of customers on Tuesday because of the day of mourning and it was so much fun. I didn't have enough help to get things done but somehow it was all my fault for that. Uh huh. I got really stressed out and actually spoke with our DM. . .a person with whom I do not really get along. Of course, I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm vocal about how I feel. But my current state of mind about work has nothing to do with the DM.

Part of my disgruntlement lately has been the lack of communication between me and Jessica. It hasn't seemed like she listens to me at all. The thing is, her past assistants have been less than stellar and she's developed a complex where she has to do everything herself in order to get it done right. She doesn't trust anyone but her own people to do things because they know what she wants and why. She doesn't have to explain herself to them like she does with us. The funny thing is that most of the time I don't question her on stuff. It's Jon and Lindsay that do. lol Hopefully we'll all be able to work peaceably together. I know it's something that we need to learn to do in order to get back to our happy work place vibe. And I believe that we can do that. Right now I just want to get through the middle of March so I can take my other vacation days. A nice vacation for Mike and I. . .that will make up for the past few hellish work months.

Happy New Year 2007!

Well, I survived the holidays. It feels like the survival barely happened but what can I say when I work retail? lol

Christmas itself was pretty nice. Mike and I went up to see his mother in Charlotte. It was a nice quiet dinner and very relaxing. Unfortunately, I had to be at work for 6a on Tuesday so Christmas Day was short lived. The week went by fairly normally. My happy fun time kicked in on Wednesday so I came home early. I had off on Thursday. But Friday was really painful. Let's put it this way, it took me three Vicoden to get it to stop feeling like someone was using a wrench on my insides. Or maybe they were needle nosed pliers. I got through the complete shift but asked Kathleen to cover for me on Saturday. I know that she's looking for extra money and stuff so she was happy to get it. So, I took a vacation day. Mike and I got up and wandered around the flea market for a while. I figured that if I was gonna hurt, might as well do some walking and get some fresh air and exercise. I met one of his uncle's. Mike introduced me as his finacee. Yes, folks, that's what we're telling people. We even have plans which I will save for another blog. It was a nice day. We came home and just chilled out for the rest of it. Spent today doing leisurely things too since I had off (because I worked Christmas Eve). I asked for tomorrow off so that I could rest some more. My pills start again tonight so that should help.

We are planning on doing a quiet evening in for the holiday. It will be nice just to spend it together. This is our first New Year's together because last year I was in Pennsylvania. Well, as Kyle put it, not for very long but for the important event. I just wanted to be here with Mike last year. At least this year I get my wish and finally have someone (the first time ever) to be with to ring in the new year. It just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

I hope you all have a safe and happy one. See you next year!

Is Anyone Listening?

It's like talking to a wall. I swear that at least the bricks would reflect something back. What am I doing up at 7a on a freaking Saturday when school is out of session? Reversed insomnia. My brain is too rabbity for me to sleep. I got about 5 hours of exhausted sleep but I keep dreaming and feel restless. I don't want to wake Mike up with my fidgeting so I came in here to vent. This Christmas sucks but for him.

Why is that? I really hate my job right now. No, let me clarify that. . .I hate the damn situation. I really like working with the customers, helping them find books, and and even doing some of the business aspect of the job. What I hate is being treated like I am invisible and have no real experience. Like I don't know a freaking thing about XYZ. Give me a break. Am I perfect? No. Do I know everything? No. Am I willing to own up to my mistakes? Yes. So what's the problem?

First off, as you know, we have a "new" manager. She's actually been with the company for longer than me (five years to my two). But, she's never worked this store before or managed the kiosks though she has worked at them. Every store is different and has different needs. One of the major differences between her other one and this one is that we have a higher traffic. She seems jazzed and overwhelmed at the same time by that. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that she can't handle the situation, that she isn't capable of it. What I'm saying is that this is a different situation than she's been in before. She was tossed in head first without much warning. That is not her fault. If she'd had time to lead into the season, we all would be doing much better.

The problem comes in where she doesn't listen to those of us who have dealt with the place for Christmases past. It's not just me but others on the staff who feel like we belong to the Invisible Nation. How are we not being listened to? Well, one of the big things is scheduling. We don't find out until last minute when we'll be working. None of us but her and the two main kiosk people (for good reason) can plan anything because there is no rhyme or reason. I have it easier than most that way because of my position but even I am not immune. She does the schedule a day or two before the next week and there are holes that need to be scrambled to be fixed. Factor in extenuating circumstances and you have a recipe for disaster. I had everyone at a fairly set schedule but for requests off. Was I over in hours? Yes because we were having staffing problems and I was taking the time to make sure that people had training before being fed to the wolves. Is she good about trying to accommodate everyone? Yes. Very much so. But the planning needs to happen sooner.

Second problem is that we are caught in a catch-22. Our DM has been hammering at us about task work but if we get that done, we are ignoring the customers who are supposed to come first. Even when the numbers support us in why we don't get stuff done (because we don't have the hours to staff for it all -- that is corporate's fault), we get shit for it. We can't win. We have someone who hasn't worked in a store (that one in particular since the DM used to be it's manager) for well over two years coming in and bitching -- where customers can hear her -- about how disorganized things are when we're all obviously busting our butts helping people (I am speaking specifically of last night). It doesn't help that our manager runs to her with things that could be handled internally if she would just look to those around her for help.

And that's the crux of the problem.

A few of her former employees are working with us. They are a great bunch. One of them and I were talking about the matter the other night. She doesn't think that any of the store's original crew respects the manager. She doesn't understand that because the entire former crew would have done anything for their manager. Well, yeah, they worked with her longer and also under circumstances that weren't as stressful and dire as this. But respect isn't always an automatic thing. It has to be earned a lot of time. And it can fluctuate. Obviously jerking around people who could help doesn't aid the situation. This employee had some good points and she's right on a lot of it. The problem? While our manager tries to take into account everyone's schedule, she doesn't necessarily try to see all sides of each situation. Why? She has trouble focusing on one thing at a time (something who former employees readily admit is a problem for her). Things are so scattered that no one has a clue at any given moment what they are supposed to be doing beyond customer service. Couple that with a lack of allowed hours from corporate and a DM who keeps harping on numbers and other things (adding stress to our fearless leader who needs to be left alone to adjust) and it's no wonder that most of the crew would walk out right now.

And is that the point? I don't know. I do know that the DM doesn't like me. Well, the feeling is obviously mutual, non? But I try very hard to be fair about the whole thing. She has come in and helped us a lot from time to time. She is fighting with corporate over the lack of hours and planning us to death. I have openly appreciated these things. Unfortunately, more often than not, mostly she comes in just to criticize. There is no reward for doing well, only punishment for having problems. If things were more balanced, it would be fine cause that's how life works.

What I find amusing is that corporate sent out a "How to Survive the Holidays" poster a few weeks back. You know what? I think the higher ups need to have that branded into their brains cause they sure as heck haven't read the thing. It's all a big cycle. Are there going to be problems? Hell, yes. But they don't have to be compounded by hierarchical bullshit.

What is there to do when you start to hate going to work and become a miserable and bitchy wretch?

Attack of the Killer Underwire

Well, I survived the other week. Barely, but it did happen. I worked a lot on the 8th and made Jonathan crack up. See, at one point during my shift, I felt this jabbing sensation on my jaw and was like, what the heck?!? Well, I looked down and my right underwire had poked through my shirt and stuff. I kept pushing it back in throughout the day. Finally, while I was in the back unboxing the shipment and Jon was on break, I just pulled it out and held it up. Jon didn't know what it was until I told him and he just couldn't help but laugh uproariously. I think it was the look of exasperation on my face and the fact that I called it the attack of the killer underwire. So, there ya go, Jon, I posted about it.

Poor Mike was a little late getting back here because of snow up in NH. He thought he was coming home to warmer weather but it was in the 30s here. (laugh) But it was so good seeing him come home. We were just so happy to be together. Saturday started out well. I went to the last Sat. class and listened to the last of the speeches. When I got back we decided to go to lunch. Well, on the way is when things got frustrating. Going over some railroad tracks, my car picked up a huge bolt that flattened my tire. Mike exchanged my donut for the tire. He's my hero, man. Just doesn't get ruffled by these things like the men in my family. He was like, "Oh, well, it happens." I think he enjoyed playing savior to the damsel in distress and I enjoyed him doing it. (grin) Well, I had gotten my tires from Sears with road hazard protection. But it sucked because I hadn't wanted to go near the mall. We got in with no problem. I asked them to change the oil since the car needed one and we were there. Might as well get something good out of going to the garage. After lunch, the second stupid thing happened, I left my card in the ATM machine. Didn't realize it until I went to pay for my car later. Sheesh. I was feeling very icky by this time so I was highly annoyed at myself. Mike was cool though so that helped.

Because we ran around so much on Saturday, we just rested on Sunday. The week went by quickly. I'm still having some pain and light stuff but it's been ok until today. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and she gave me stronger pain killers for the next fun round after Christmas. My blood pressure was down to normal so that made her happy. That surprises me since the week has been hectic but hey, who am I to argue. I will be going back right before the semester starts to update her on what's going on. She thinks that things will start to straighten out after this next round and I begin the second bc pack. Hope so. I worked 10 hours yesterday and it killed me. I woke to pain and more than just light spotting. So, I called out sick.

And you know what happened?

Yup, you got it. . .I got berated for doing so. I pushed myself all the week that I was barely functioning because things needed to get done and made myself worse. But I call out to prevent it from getting worse and what do I get? A lecture about how it's the second Saturday before Christmas and there is so much to get done. To be fair, Jessica had asked me yesterday (after I told her what the doctor aid)if I was going to need to take some personal time and I said no. But that's because I was feeling ok and stuff. I honestly didn't expect to have this kick in worse last night and today.

Oh, and a chewing out about how we didn't get enough shelving done last night and why did I let one of my colleagues go? Well, let's see. . .could it have been because she was miserable about having to work? How she came in on her day off the day before and sacrificed time with her husband who she never sees? She was in a sour mood and traffic was light. Yes, she was doing work but how much does someone accomplish when they are miserable? Not as much as usual. She's a good worker and person. She only got to leave and hour and a half early. Trust me, not much more would have gotten done in that time. So, it was a bad judgment call on my part. Whatever. Oh, and I'm also supposed to be more of a bitch to people to get them to work harder. Uh, yeah, sure. Like that's gonna help. Never mind that we made plan last night (barely). No, I should have been able to get all of the boxes unpacked AND shelved a ton of stuff. Four of us should have been able to get a lot accomplished except that, well, Jon and I needed a break (so that loses us an hour of work time), and the customers (how dare they) actually expect people to help them. And never mind that my numbers were the best for the day. And have been for a long time.

Can you see why I might be having health problems right now? Mike got angry with me earlier today because I ended up on the phone with people instead of resting. Too much dealing with work. So, he turned off the phone. And I took a nap. And now I'm telling you all about it.

So what will I do? Plug on like always. I'll keep pushing myself until after the holidays. After that? I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be in this job which sucks because I really like working at the store, with the people (customers and coworkers), and being around books. But stuff has just been really stressful and I don't think it's all because it's the holiday season. I have earned vacation time and since we want to go somewhere in March, I'll stick it out for at least that long but afterwards? Job hunt, I think. We'll see. I am just not appreciated for how much effort I do put in and the same goes for some of the others. It never seems enough and I so don't deserve that shit.

R & R

I was supposed to work today but Jessica decided to work my entire shift since I've been busting my butt on top of being in a lot of pain. I was supposed to have had Sunday off but ended up working because there was no one else to. My shift was originally only supposed to be three hours long but I ended up working 9. It would have been ok if I hadn't been feeling like someone was using a poker to stir around my insides. On Monday I called the doctor and she gave me a Darvocet prescription. Yesterday, I actually called Jessica to see if she could come in early for me cause the Darvocet just wasn't cutting it. And, as I said to Melissa (new coworker), "I've already gone through two more arks and Noah's nowhere to be found." That was within a three hour tome span. But she didn't make it in early so instead she gave me the day off. She felt really badly about everything. That made up for a lot from the past few days. I've been working hard and my body has not been happy with me.

So, I slept for a really long time today. The pain is less but then again, I haven't been moving around much. Did the dishes and am working on the laundry but not much else is getting done work wise. Which is ok cause I need to rest. I do have the weekend off because Mike is out of town all week for a training school so I requested off so that we could make up for the lost time. Not that he misses me right now. He has new expensive machines to play with and that occupies his mind very well. lol I don't mind. It makes him happy to learn stuff and gives him a recharge that he needs every once in a while. Lord knows I have similar things that do the same for me. So, it's all good.

I finally got to Laurent and Natalie today. She's preggers again! Yay! So happy for them. The baby is due in April, a little over two years after the birth of their first child. I hope they have a girl this time. Laurent's family seems very prone to boys. It would be nice for them to have a girl to have one of each since they don't want more than two. It was so good to talk with them. I really miss them a lot. We are all so busy that time just slips by. But the good news is that I should be able to see them in March. I think I mentioned before that Mike and I plan to take a real vacation for my spring break. Well, we settled on England because I sigh over it every time it's mentioned and Mike would like to go out if the country. And I so want to take him to see some of the places I love over there. I so want him to meet Laurent and Natalie but I wasn't sure if they could meet us in Paris (like they did in '98 when Ken, Rose, Tara, and I went over to England) or not. It isn't too much more to fly in/out of London and in/out of Paris as a multiple destination trip. However, it is way too expensive to have Geneva as one of the stops. And Laurent and Natalie no longer have the space for visitors that they used to have so finding a decently priced hotel nearby was proving a little hard (though still possible if I could finagle Easy Jet flights to/from Geneva for over a weekend). The good news is that they are moving into a bigger place at the end of January and Laurent has invited us to stay with them! We can visit during the week because he has a lot of vacation time to use (unlike us pitiful Americans) and would be able to take 2/3 days off. Yay! We can go to Switzerland. I love that country and so want to take Mike there. And Laurent and Natalie are two of the most important people for Mike to meet. Laurent has been mon petit frere for over thirteen years and I think of Natalie as a sister. (I know that frere has an accent but the damn puter won't let me do it and I'm not sure how right now so sorry.) They are two of the best people I know and their "approval" of Mike is important to me. I know they'll all get along splendidly and I so want have that moment.

I am in such a good mood right now. I got to talk with two of my bestest friends in the whole world, I will get to see them in a few months, and I get to have a real vacation with the man I love. What more could I ask for right now? *big grin* Ok, I've thought of something. . .considering my talk with Val last night, for her and Dale to be able to go to England too and all of us have some London fun. Now that would just be the cherry.