Goodbye, My Sweeting

It has just not been a good week as you know. Well, today it got worse. Miriamele got sick again over the weekend but we didn't know how badly until yesterday when we saw that she had thrown up all over the place. She'd stopped eating (I just thought less) but was still drinking her water. I hadn't been able to give her her medication over the weekend but that shouldn't have affected her that much. It didn't. Seems that along with the hyperthyroidism she must have had kidney problems. When she was tested in June, they looked ok but that could have been because the urinalysis was done with diluted urine. Or it just could have been at the early stages and she deteriorated quickly. Either way, her symptoms were so close to the hyperthyroidal ones that it just seemed to be that.

This morning she could barely move so I took Miri to the vet right away. Went to Petsmart this time because our vet is closed on Wednesdays and one of the vets there is a regular at the bookstore. We didn't see him but another doctor who was very good. They couldn't get a urine sample because she was just too dehydrated. There was nothing in her system. Probably because every time she drank, she threw up. I mean, I'd cleaned up the kitchen last week and now it looks almost the same because she went on a yarking spree. Anyway, they took blood samples and everything pointed to kidney problems -- possibly renal failure but it was hard to tell since they couldn't get a urinalysis and forcing fluids into her would only dilute the results (like in June). To the doctor, Miri's kidneys felt way too small and from my description of her health for the past few months, it sounded to him like they were deteriorating. He couldn't guarantee me that was what was going on but it pretty well fit the bill for her. So, I had two choices (three if you count inaction as one): 1) they could pump Miri full of fluids and get her back up to health to the point where I would have to regularly give her fluids via IV (which would increase in frequency as time went on) until they shut down totally or 2) I could put her to sleep. He didn't actually say the latter but I was pretty quick on reading between the lines with how he described the first process. Because, basically it came down to that or a kidney transplant.

It sounded like we would just be prolonging Miri's illness. And to what purpose? The fluid IVs are fairly easy to do (he said) but given that she hated me just giving her a pill, I can't imagine what she would have done with IVs. She would have been miserable. And it wasn't a cure, just a patch. I couldn't do that to her. But I felt so horrible because I thought it looked like I was going to choose an "easy" way out. But the doc told me about a cat who'd been in earlier to be euthanized. The cat was older than Miri and hyperthyroidal but otherwise completely healthy. Awesome kidney functions and he refused to euthanize the cat. I admired him for that. But with Miri, it was definitely an option. He didn't push it on me and would have respected my wishes but I knew. I couldn't put her through months of torture (not pain but emotional torture) just because I didn't want to lose her. Lately I've been frustrated with the yarking and the shedding and all that but I didn't want her to do die to solve it. And money wasn't even an issue cause Mike is ok with whatever I need to do for them. So, I would have chosen anything but putting her down if it meant that she might have a chance of being cured. But she didn't. My beautiful little princess was just too ill to help.

So, I did the humane thing and chose the time of her death for her. I couldn't watch so they did it in another room. Afterwards the doctor had more solid words of comfort because he said that she went quietly and quickly. He hadn't even put all of the medicine in her before she passed away. Her body was just that toxic that there wasn't much left. I just wished I'd known that and been more aware these past few days so I could have held her more. That's where I have regret. That she was sick and I didn't realize how much sooner. Yeah, I know I've been legitimately out of it but. . .(sigh).

Hopefully this is the last bad thing for the week. Hell, for the rest of the year. I'm sick and tired of it all. But here are pictures of Miriamele:





Miri was lovely, wasn't she? So regal with her "painted" eyes. Very much a lady. She was always ready to lend comfort when someone was upset. Remember, Michelle? I will always remember why she came with me to SC. She was afraid of everyone but me. Three days before I was to come down, I woke up and found her curled against my chest and arm. How could I leave that sweet face behind? Obviously, I couldn't so I tried to give her a better life than she would have had at the farm. There were times when she drove me bonkers (remember when she went into heat, Andi, before she was fixed?) and I developed an allergy to her fur, but she was a wonderful cat. The house is going to be a lot more empty without her around. Shaman is the only one left from that litter and the three of us are going to miss Miriamele's voice from now on.