Missing Friends

Ok, so a few years ago I walked away from one friend and let another just slip out of my life. I had various and asundry reasons for doing so. Was it the best move? I don't know. At the time it seemed like the right way to handle things. I'd kind of reached a turning point with the two and things were just way too stressful between us.

The first one. . .well, Marc had hit my angry button. Problem was, it was staying pushed. I just couldn't seem to get past certain things that were happening and certain feelings of frustration, etc. The situation was turning me into a sniping bitch. And that was someone I didn't want to be. So I walked away without saying a word. Probably not a mature decision but it didn't really seem to matter at the time to him whether I stayed or not. Of course, I don't know that for sure because the second friend, Stephanie, is the one who told him about my decision. I have no idea what was ever said to him but I needed some space and time to figure some stuff out. We had been pretty good friends and I miss our comaraderie. I regretted severing ties with Marc's wife, Adrienne, because we'd become friends but I really didn't know how to deal with the situation without causing more grief all around.

Steohanie was going through a lot of crap. We were having some major problems in our friendship due to stuff with Marc and a change into separate directions in our lives. I regret some of the things I said in their joint presence. My only excuse is that I was jetlagged and annoyed. And it wasn't all about them. As for why I let her walk away, well, I was tired of trying to please her when nothing I said or did was right. Anything I did do that was supportive was not viewed that way. Stephanie was wrapped up in her own pain (mental and physical) and just couldn't get out of it. I did try and help but I was not wanted. She wrote me an angry letter but there was nothing I could really say in response that would make her happy. So I sent a simple reply. After that she shut me out by blocking my general emails, etc.

Why bring this up now? Well, I recently tried to contact each of them. Over the past few years I have thought about them each a lot and wondered how they were. I hate to lose friends and the way that I parted with each was not done very well. It has left a sour taste in the back of my throat and regrets swimming in my head. I sent Marc an ecard that spoke of a new year coming up and new beginnings. He has not written. I am not really sure why I made the move except that for almost two weeks, every time I turned on the radio, I would hear this one song I always associate with Marc. It drove me bonkers. It's funny how I haven't heard it once since. As for Stephanie, I sent a real snail mail card to her parent's house because it's the only place I know of where she could get mail. Well, it came back today with a return to sender sticker on the front. The reasoning is "Not deliverable as addressed - unable to forward." Not sure what this means. Did she reject the letter? If so, why choose that option? There is an "Other" choice. There is also a hand written "UTF" which is "Unable to Forward." So I'm a bit confused. I wrote to her because I needed to fulfill a promise from years ago. And yes, I miss her. So now I don't know what to do.

Do I let this drop and have them be forever in the past?