Big Bad and the Martyr

Empathy can be a killer. Michael told me last night that it was one of my best traits and greatest faults. Best because it makes me a good person. Fault because I will beat myself up with it by internalizing and what ifs. (sigh)

I am the Big Bad Wolf right now because I've returned to the pack and driven off the leader so I could take over. Yeah, right. The former leader drove herself off. I sincerely wish that Jessica could be doing stuff tonight like she planned because I know that she loves it and put a lot of thought into it. But she can't be more than a participant so I have to take over the leadership role. We're going to do most of what she planned and the two changes are because the higher ups said we should do them. So, yeah, there ya go. Jess suggested that Melissa be Mistress of Ceremonies and that's a good idea. She's the only other one Jess told all this stuff too and since someone has to watch the store, that's what I'll do.

Melissa is the Martyr of the title. I say this because before we got a chance to discuss tonight, she was telling people that she felt like nothing more than just a bookseller. Like her opinions didn't matter or count.

My God, what more do I have to do to get her to see that I value her help and opinions? I guess I have to actually say these words directly to her cause she's not getting it! I'm sorry that I stole her thunder. That I came back unexpectedly and took over the job that she assumed was going to be hers. Yes, she was doing stuff while I was away. But how is that different from when she was gone a while back? Jessica told me that our HR person told Melissa that she would be acting manager since I was on leave and that the first time she knew about me being it was this past Saturday when I asked about Jessica's keys. I know I kept Melissa in the loop about what was going on. I could swear I told her that I would be acting manager. Hell, I even went to her and explained why I was thinking of applying. I guess none of that sunk in. As for what the HR person said, no, there was never anything concrete said until it was known whether I would be back. Jessica was told that she could make recommendations in her resignation but that was it. So, I can only assume that Jessica is the one who built Melissa up to take this hit. And I'm getting the fallout.

All week I've tried to make Melissa a part of tonight and ask her opinions, etc. Jessica was going to her with the information but I needed it cause I had to have a plan. It didn't mean that Melissa couldn't know. It meant that I needed to know because I'm responsible for this stuff. If I'm in charge, then I need to know. I was fine with Jess handling it cause I knew she would tell me at some point this week what was going on. But once her being banished came out. . .well, that changed. HP is a huge freaking deal for us and the weekend is going to be insane. Hell, I even asked Melissa to be on the conference call so that she could be in on what everyone was saying because I didn't want her to feel left out. She didn't do it because it was her day off and she was with her visiting family. Well, gee, sorry about that one. Had anyone I know been visiting, they would have understood that I needed an hour to do this. Hell they would have understood getting a few (2-3) on Wednesday because people at the store needed to ask my advice. Yeah, I guess I've stopped beating myself up over this and am now getting angry. I gotta squelch that now so I'll stop the rant.

(sigh) You wouldn't think there would be this much drama from a bookstore. And all you writer peeps. . .mine! lol I am so gonna put this into a book. Wish me luck today! I have so much to do!