Thoughts
by Lynn Kramer
You lie beside me
But are you with me?
You ask what
Are you writing?
I respond so
Vaguely and noncommittally.
This is my hour
To contemplate and be
Dark within my mind
Moody from out my soul.
This is when I am
Most reflective and wont
To talk of serious things,
Of deep thoughts.
But the truth is that
There are times when
I really don't know
What will flow from
My inner mind
To my outer pen.
There are times when
I don't know anything.
January 28, 2006
Not my best poem but I think it showcases my reflective mood that night.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Catch Up #2E
January 24th to 27th:
Mike didn't end up coming over on that Tuesday because of work and still being exhausted/sick. So, I didn't actually get to see him until Thursday which was fine. I missed him but we both really did have stuff to do and need a breather. Up until the 22nd, we'd only spent about 6 days apart (without seeing each other at all) since I got back from PA. Thursday was a good night in. He didn't stay over because he had to drive to GA on the 27th for his company's annual meeting.
Mike didn't end up coming over on that Tuesday because of work and still being exhausted/sick. So, I didn't actually get to see him until Thursday which was fine. I missed him but we both really did have stuff to do and need a breather. Up until the 22nd, we'd only spent about 6 days apart (without seeing each other at all) since I got back from PA. Thursday was a good night in. He didn't stay over because he had to drive to GA on the 27th for his company's annual meeting.
Catch Up #2D
The following is the journal entry that I wrote in my one notebook on Monday, January 23rd (the comments in brackets are added thoughts from me as I copy the entry):
God. . .I am the world's biggest idiot. Paranoia thy name is Lynn. (sigh) I hate being an emotional creature.
See, on Saturday I was in a blech mood from being "sick" all week and still hurting that day. Needed more sleep too. Mike was in a mood on Saturday when I met him at the flea market. I'd told him to come to the store later so he could get me food. lol Very demanding of me, I know. And cause I wanted him to do a few things for me. [interjection: I wanted him to pick up wrapping paper and a card for Jonathan's bday present but he didn't know that].
Well, he never showed up at the store. I called but he didn't answer. He didn't call back. So, I began to wonder if I'd annoyed him or upset him. Yeah, typical me behavior. It didn't help that I wasn't feeling well. [read: overly hormonal]
I thought maybe he would be home when I got there but he wasn't. [another insert: I'd given Mike a key to my place. It made sense for the sake of convenience since I work Saturday nights and this way he could just get in instead of waiting for me.] Part of me hadn't wanted him to be because I wanted to sulk (mope). And I knew that I needed sleep. But even though I could sleep in, I woke up at 8a. I was exhausted but my brain wouldn't listen. I'd been in bed by midnight but sleep was eh.
I got up to call Mike about church. Figured that if Jonathan had been right, and Mike had done another of his passed out marathons [this happened once before], he'd be awake by then. No answer.
Let me interject something here. [this interjection is not current thought but an original part of the entry] Part of me wasn't really concerned by this odd behavior. Deep inside I felt rather calm. But consciously I questioned this and began to wonder what it meant. Had I been fooling myself about my own feelings in this relationship? Did a lack of true concern mean that all of the gooey feelings were superficial? Or was this really a true relationship and I was just being an idiot for all of the previous questions? And Mike thinks that he overanalyzes things.
I left a message and attempted more sleep. But I'd no sooner end up in REM sleep than my conscious brain would jerk me awake. I gave up a little after 9a and called Jonathan. Left a message and called Val. Poor thing, I woke her up. I needed someone to tell me that I shouldn't just show up at his church.
Jonathan called me back while I was talking to Val so I returned his call when I was done. He was puzzled too by Mike's poofing. I told him that Val recommended I let Mike call me except for a call to him about what Jon and I were doing for his bday. I let him decide about that. Val also suggested I not get defensive and wait until I wasn't angry. Well, anger came and went -- I couldn't sustain it. Has to do with that interjected paragraph above.
Jonathan and I met for lunch at the Miyo's on Forest. He's been talking to a Jessica there. See, one of my former students is a manager there. We'd gone in two weeks ago and I told Jenny that we needed to find Jon a girlfriend. I figured she'd know people of the right age range,etc. She suggested Jessica who I had had as a regular waitress over at the Main location. Well, Jenny slyly gave Jon Jessica's number. They've been chatting since then so Jon knew that she was working lunch yesterday.
So, we had a good lunch. Jonathan had called and left Mike a message about where we were. I knew Mike wouldn't come. Jonathan liked his gift. I'd chosen a very nice super hero coffee table book for him from Mike and I. The card was a good one too. Thank God Kroger has a good Hallmark selection.
After that we met back at my place so we could come to the mall. (I was stuck working the kiosk this morning.) I needed a new watch battery and wanted my new day planner.
I hate that I was moody and depressed but. . .blech. Wish it hadn't happened on Jonathan's bday.
Then we went back to my place and Jon finished fixing my printer. He left about 6p because we both had stuff to do. I graded quizzes and cried a little. Ate dinner and watched some anime (Full Metal Panic -- Mike wants to dress us up as two of the characters for a conference). Then I cried some more and wrote desperate poems and the beginning of a depressing story. [erk I hate not editing that part out lol]
It's just that I've been wrong so many times before about a guy. I know Mike is different but. . .I've got these PTSD-like (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) reactions to work through. And I'm trying not to subject him to so much of that crap. I think the only thing that kept me from going over the edge are the memories of how we are together. I am so truly comfortable with him. So completely safe. Jonathan's right. . .I'm in love with him.
I was trying so hard not to admit that to myself. I had told Jonathan on Saturday night that I have been holding back on saying it out loud to Mike in those moments when I knew I felt it but he has said that I shouldn't hold back. If I feel it, then I should say it.
I haven't because. . .it's huge. And I don't know if he feels the same way. Will it matter if he doesn't say it back to me? Not really but it might be pushing things. I don't know.
Anyway, I did manage to sleep. I had told Jonathan when he called me around 9p (to tell me that he was going with Jessica and some of her co-workers to see Brokeback Mountain) that I was going to call him today at 11a to see what was up because waiting would be too hard for me.
I was ok when I got up. Pretty moderate mood though I was antsy to get the call over with. I finally broke down at 10:50a. Well, it was all fine. In fact, he was listening to my messages when I called. Turns out he was sick and had pretty well passed out for the entire weekend. His phone was charging in his truck and it didn't charge right anyway. Sheesh.
I was so relieved that I couldn't berate him for not calling. I did admit to being highly upset. And that I know I was silly for doing so but. . . . (sigh)
So it's all ok. I'm now in class at FJ and the students are doing their quiz. Mike, Jonathan, and I had dinner together at Fatz. Jon needed to borrow my mixer so he could make up some cheesecake for Jessica when she comes over to his place on Wed. night.
Mike might come over tomorrow night and make dinner for me. I have premade chicken from Publix that needs to be cooked up. Maybe I'll stop at Kroger on the way home for some veggies. I need more echinacea anyway.
I am so glad that I am just an idiot. We did get on him for not calling but it's all cool. Whew.
God. . .I am the world's biggest idiot. Paranoia thy name is Lynn. (sigh) I hate being an emotional creature.
See, on Saturday I was in a blech mood from being "sick" all week and still hurting that day. Needed more sleep too. Mike was in a mood on Saturday when I met him at the flea market. I'd told him to come to the store later so he could get me food. lol Very demanding of me, I know. And cause I wanted him to do a few things for me. [interjection: I wanted him to pick up wrapping paper and a card for Jonathan's bday present but he didn't know that].
Well, he never showed up at the store. I called but he didn't answer. He didn't call back. So, I began to wonder if I'd annoyed him or upset him. Yeah, typical me behavior. It didn't help that I wasn't feeling well. [read: overly hormonal]
I thought maybe he would be home when I got there but he wasn't. [another insert: I'd given Mike a key to my place. It made sense for the sake of convenience since I work Saturday nights and this way he could just get in instead of waiting for me.] Part of me hadn't wanted him to be because I wanted to sulk (mope). And I knew that I needed sleep. But even though I could sleep in, I woke up at 8a. I was exhausted but my brain wouldn't listen. I'd been in bed by midnight but sleep was eh.
I got up to call Mike about church. Figured that if Jonathan had been right, and Mike had done another of his passed out marathons [this happened once before], he'd be awake by then. No answer.
Let me interject something here. [this interjection is not current thought but an original part of the entry] Part of me wasn't really concerned by this odd behavior. Deep inside I felt rather calm. But consciously I questioned this and began to wonder what it meant. Had I been fooling myself about my own feelings in this relationship? Did a lack of true concern mean that all of the gooey feelings were superficial? Or was this really a true relationship and I was just being an idiot for all of the previous questions? And Mike thinks that he overanalyzes things.
I left a message and attempted more sleep. But I'd no sooner end up in REM sleep than my conscious brain would jerk me awake. I gave up a little after 9a and called Jonathan. Left a message and called Val. Poor thing, I woke her up. I needed someone to tell me that I shouldn't just show up at his church.
Jonathan called me back while I was talking to Val so I returned his call when I was done. He was puzzled too by Mike's poofing. I told him that Val recommended I let Mike call me except for a call to him about what Jon and I were doing for his bday. I let him decide about that. Val also suggested I not get defensive and wait until I wasn't angry. Well, anger came and went -- I couldn't sustain it. Has to do with that interjected paragraph above.
Jonathan and I met for lunch at the Miyo's on Forest. He's been talking to a Jessica there. See, one of my former students is a manager there. We'd gone in two weeks ago and I told Jenny that we needed to find Jon a girlfriend. I figured she'd know people of the right age range,etc. She suggested Jessica who I had had as a regular waitress over at the Main location. Well, Jenny slyly gave Jon Jessica's number. They've been chatting since then so Jon knew that she was working lunch yesterday.
So, we had a good lunch. Jonathan had called and left Mike a message about where we were. I knew Mike wouldn't come. Jonathan liked his gift. I'd chosen a very nice super hero coffee table book for him from Mike and I. The card was a good one too. Thank God Kroger has a good Hallmark selection.
After that we met back at my place so we could come to the mall. (I was stuck working the kiosk this morning.) I needed a new watch battery and wanted my new day planner.
I hate that I was moody and depressed but. . .blech. Wish it hadn't happened on Jonathan's bday.
Then we went back to my place and Jon finished fixing my printer. He left about 6p because we both had stuff to do. I graded quizzes and cried a little. Ate dinner and watched some anime (Full Metal Panic -- Mike wants to dress us up as two of the characters for a conference). Then I cried some more and wrote desperate poems and the beginning of a depressing story. [erk I hate not editing that part out lol]
It's just that I've been wrong so many times before about a guy. I know Mike is different but. . .I've got these PTSD-like (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) reactions to work through. And I'm trying not to subject him to so much of that crap. I think the only thing that kept me from going over the edge are the memories of how we are together. I am so truly comfortable with him. So completely safe. Jonathan's right. . .I'm in love with him.
I was trying so hard not to admit that to myself. I had told Jonathan on Saturday night that I have been holding back on saying it out loud to Mike in those moments when I knew I felt it but he has said that I shouldn't hold back. If I feel it, then I should say it.
I haven't because. . .it's huge. And I don't know if he feels the same way. Will it matter if he doesn't say it back to me? Not really but it might be pushing things. I don't know.
Anyway, I did manage to sleep. I had told Jonathan when he called me around 9p (to tell me that he was going with Jessica and some of her co-workers to see Brokeback Mountain) that I was going to call him today at 11a to see what was up because waiting would be too hard for me.
I was ok when I got up. Pretty moderate mood though I was antsy to get the call over with. I finally broke down at 10:50a. Well, it was all fine. In fact, he was listening to my messages when I called. Turns out he was sick and had pretty well passed out for the entire weekend. His phone was charging in his truck and it didn't charge right anyway. Sheesh.
I was so relieved that I couldn't berate him for not calling. I did admit to being highly upset. And that I know I was silly for doing so but. . . . (sigh)
So it's all ok. I'm now in class at FJ and the students are doing their quiz. Mike, Jonathan, and I had dinner together at Fatz. Jon needed to borrow my mixer so he could make up some cheesecake for Jessica when she comes over to his place on Wed. night.
Mike might come over tomorrow night and make dinner for me. I have premade chicken from Publix that needs to be cooked up. Maybe I'll stop at Kroger on the way home for some veggies. I need more echinacea anyway.
I am so glad that I am just an idiot. We did get on him for not calling but it's all cool. Whew.
Song Interlude #3
Well, the lack of sleep began to take it's toll on us both. Mike went poof during the weekend of January 21st and 22nd. I had no idea what was going on. We had a pretty serious discussion on Saturday that made me think that he had gone poof completely. Now, you have to understand, Mike is apparently known for disappearing for a while without warning and he's told me that if he ever does, not to take it personally. But, well, I did. And so, the soundtrack for me changed more to the following:
Hear Me
by Kelly Clarkson
Hear me
Hear me
You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear Me
by Kelly Clarkson
Hear me
Hear me
You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Song Interlude #2
Mike and I continued to spend a lot of time together. And while we aren't as, um, jackrabbit bunnyish as one would expect, this song just kept playing out of the blue (on the radio and my random iPod setting) to the point that I found it hysterical. Oh my God, it just came on my iPod. Talk about timing. lmao I love this song!
Animals
by Nickelback
I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight
I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out
I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing
Screamin'
[CHORUS]
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in
You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth
'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch
I'm screamin'
[CHORUS]
So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Look at the trouble we're in
We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered "what was that?"
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
"That's my dad outside the car!"
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while
we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing
Screamin'
[CHORUS]
So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
Get in, just get in
Animals
by Nickelback
I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight
I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out
I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing
Screamin'
[CHORUS]
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in
You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth
'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch
I'm screamin'
[CHORUS]
So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Look at the trouble we're in
We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered "what was that?"
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
"That's my dad outside the car!"
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while
we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing
Screamin'
[CHORUS]
So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
Get in, just get in
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Catch Up #2C
Before I start this one I want to say a word about the song interludes. I listen to a lot of music and I tend to gain inspiration from it. Actually, I use it for a lot of things. So, while the songs are not my own (and yes, I do write poetry and songs), the words still mean something to me. Jonathan suggested I put a song on my blog to show how I feel about Mike and I but there isn't just one song. We don't have a "song" yet because we agree that there are too many. Maybe some day we'll settle on one as "our" song but for now we have many. So, my song interludes are some of the songs that have been striking me as particular lately. There are more that I won't include but the ones I do say what I need them to.
Ok, onwards and upwards.
January 13th - January 15th
Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep Thursday/Friday (12th/13th). I was absolutely peachy when I got up the next day though. I made Mike and I breakfast and saw him off to work before I had to head to the store. It was so nice. If I remember correctly, I got into a snit either Friday or Saturday night (13th or 14th). About what I can't remember but I know that I was being a petulant brat and I also know that I didn't much care as Mike seemed impervious to it. Really, I keep expecting him to snap my head off sometimes and when he doesn't, I am shocked. I am so not used to this. The men in my family tend to take everything out on those around them and, even though I know Mike is so much better than that, so I keep bracing for that. But nope, doesn't happen.
Take for example the first night I had him over in December. . .we'd had a good evening of hanging out and talking. Mike didn't leave until midnight and I walked him out to his car (this would be before Christmas). It was cold so Mike started his truck to warm it up and then closed the door behind him. The door hadn't shut right but Mike couldn't open it because it was locked. He didn't realize this fact until he bounced it completely shut. I was a little slower on the uptake. No spare keys. Oh, boy. . .just what he needed: a locked and running truck. I laughed at first but quickly cut it off cause I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I've locked my keys in before (never while the car was running but Mike is an overachiever) so I understood. I don't have wire hangers so I wasn't much help there until I realized that, for some reason, someone had left some behind in a personal recycle bin next to the house. We'd already called the locksmith but he was taking forever to get to us (turned out that someone had locked a child in a car). So, I held a flashlight for Mike while he tried to jerryrig the lock. Unfortunately, nothing Mike did could get it to work. Anyway, I kept expecting him to blow up and yell at me. Hell, my father or brothers would have and somehow it would have been all my fault. But there was none of that. In fact, just the opposite as Mike was laughing at himself. We did work fairly well together on it and that was a very good moment and priceless in the experience it gave me.
But I digress away from that weekend.
So, I got into some kind of snit and Mike just rolled with it. In the morning I apologized for being a brat and it was all good.
On Sunday we had plans to go up to NC to see various people. The first were my friends, Rebecca and Nathan. Rebecca had worked with me at the store until last summer when Nate graduate from the Lutheran seminary here. He's been searching for a parish ever since. Well, Rebecca had called me to say that Nate was going to be giving the sermon at one of their local churches so that a committee from another parish could review him. I asked if she would like Mike and I to come up and she was happy about the idea. This also gave me a chance to take some manga books to her since I've been helping keep her supplied in them. Mike and I got up early and made it to Rebecca's parents' house just a few minutes late. We were ok but for the traffic and so Rebecca was speeding a little but not much. We would have made it a little early if not for a speed trap (we're talking less than a mile of a limit change). None of us had a clue where the cop came from and Rebecca wasn't going as fast as he claimed but we didn't have time to argue. Poor dear.
We did get to the church before the service started. Rebecca dragged us up to the very first pew. The service was a little different than what I'm used to. They do a variation I'm not familiar with but it was fine. It was a little too ritualistic for Mike. (shrug) I find a certain comfort in that but then, it's what I'm used to. I'd still like him to go to church with me up home so he can see where I belong (I never joined a church down here). Nathan did a really good job. Wish he were our pastor up home. I think he'd do a much better job than our current one. Mike did enjoy that part. I wasn't feeling well after the service which ended up explaining my moodiness. I hate being a woman sometimes.
After church we went and had some Japanese food (it just now occurs to me that we did the same thing after Mike's church's service too lol). Then we went back to Rebecca's parents' and had a lovely chat. Michelle was expecting us some time in the afternoon. I hadn't gone to her place for Christmas like planned because I had been way too tired to drive up in nasty weather and Michelle was exhausted too. So, we needed to exchange gifts. The visit was short but nice. Mike and Michelle had briefly met back in September when she'd come down to the store for Angela's signing. It was about that time that my presence had begun to sink into Mike's thick and clueless skull (which he will admit because, up until then, he hadn't even realized that I existed even though we'd been chatting and flirting all summer -- sheesh). But neither really remembered the other so it was like starting anew.
The biggest part of going up was the final meeting -- Mike's mother. I was nervous, to say the least. See, Mike hadn't really told her that he was dating anyone. In December, when she asked him if he was seeing anyone, his reply was, "Well, there is this annoying bookseller who's been dragging me all over the place." But he gave no details beyond that. Originally he had planned on not telling her that I was coming with him but he did in the end though he still hadn't explained our relationship. As I expected, she had suspected something because she took our togetherness in a much less shocked manner than if she had been clueless. I had helped Mike pick out her Christmas present so I was glad to see her reaction. She loved it -- a Precious Moments mother figurine. What I didn't expect was her asking us to explain about it at dinner. lol She'd figured out that I had a hand in it even though I hadn't said anything. After all, she'd been out of the room when I nudged Mike and said, "I told you she would like it. lol
At dinner I got a billion questions from her but it was all good. She is a very nice woman. That I expected considering how nice Mike is. I did purposely leave at the end of the meal to go to the bathroom so that they would have a moment alone. I mean, the trip was legit but I timed it on purpose. I don't know what they said to each other but when I got back to the table, Mike stood and gave me a kiss. I don't know if his mother saw it but I was so touched by the gesture (it was our first pda of that sort). It meant a lot.
Back at her house, we chatted for a little bit and, much to Mike's horror, I got to see some baby pictures of him. He was sooooo cute! Such an adorable baby. I wonder what happened. ;o) Just kidding. She's promised to show me more next time. Can't wait. I did hear her tell Mike that he'd done well and I know that comment was about me. (grin) Well, yeah, I think we both have.
We didn't stay long because it was late and we both had to be up early for work. Mike actually fell asleep in the car on the way back. It was just so comfortable with him beside me as I drove us home (he lives out of his truck for work so he has too much in it for him to drive). Mike was surprised that he fell asleep but I wasn't. I think it shows his trust and comfort with me. (smile)
Overall, it was a very good weekend.
Ok, onwards and upwards.
January 13th - January 15th
Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep Thursday/Friday (12th/13th). I was absolutely peachy when I got up the next day though. I made Mike and I breakfast and saw him off to work before I had to head to the store. It was so nice. If I remember correctly, I got into a snit either Friday or Saturday night (13th or 14th). About what I can't remember but I know that I was being a petulant brat and I also know that I didn't much care as Mike seemed impervious to it. Really, I keep expecting him to snap my head off sometimes and when he doesn't, I am shocked. I am so not used to this. The men in my family tend to take everything out on those around them and, even though I know Mike is so much better than that, so I keep bracing for that. But nope, doesn't happen.
Take for example the first night I had him over in December. . .we'd had a good evening of hanging out and talking. Mike didn't leave until midnight and I walked him out to his car (this would be before Christmas). It was cold so Mike started his truck to warm it up and then closed the door behind him. The door hadn't shut right but Mike couldn't open it because it was locked. He didn't realize this fact until he bounced it completely shut. I was a little slower on the uptake. No spare keys. Oh, boy. . .just what he needed: a locked and running truck. I laughed at first but quickly cut it off cause I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I've locked my keys in before (never while the car was running but Mike is an overachiever) so I understood. I don't have wire hangers so I wasn't much help there until I realized that, for some reason, someone had left some behind in a personal recycle bin next to the house. We'd already called the locksmith but he was taking forever to get to us (turned out that someone had locked a child in a car). So, I held a flashlight for Mike while he tried to jerryrig the lock. Unfortunately, nothing Mike did could get it to work. Anyway, I kept expecting him to blow up and yell at me. Hell, my father or brothers would have and somehow it would have been all my fault. But there was none of that. In fact, just the opposite as Mike was laughing at himself. We did work fairly well together on it and that was a very good moment and priceless in the experience it gave me.
But I digress away from that weekend.
So, I got into some kind of snit and Mike just rolled with it. In the morning I apologized for being a brat and it was all good.
On Sunday we had plans to go up to NC to see various people. The first were my friends, Rebecca and Nathan. Rebecca had worked with me at the store until last summer when Nate graduate from the Lutheran seminary here. He's been searching for a parish ever since. Well, Rebecca had called me to say that Nate was going to be giving the sermon at one of their local churches so that a committee from another parish could review him. I asked if she would like Mike and I to come up and she was happy about the idea. This also gave me a chance to take some manga books to her since I've been helping keep her supplied in them. Mike and I got up early and made it to Rebecca's parents' house just a few minutes late. We were ok but for the traffic and so Rebecca was speeding a little but not much. We would have made it a little early if not for a speed trap (we're talking less than a mile of a limit change). None of us had a clue where the cop came from and Rebecca wasn't going as fast as he claimed but we didn't have time to argue. Poor dear.
We did get to the church before the service started. Rebecca dragged us up to the very first pew. The service was a little different than what I'm used to. They do a variation I'm not familiar with but it was fine. It was a little too ritualistic for Mike. (shrug) I find a certain comfort in that but then, it's what I'm used to. I'd still like him to go to church with me up home so he can see where I belong (I never joined a church down here). Nathan did a really good job. Wish he were our pastor up home. I think he'd do a much better job than our current one. Mike did enjoy that part. I wasn't feeling well after the service which ended up explaining my moodiness. I hate being a woman sometimes.
After church we went and had some Japanese food (it just now occurs to me that we did the same thing after Mike's church's service too lol). Then we went back to Rebecca's parents' and had a lovely chat. Michelle was expecting us some time in the afternoon. I hadn't gone to her place for Christmas like planned because I had been way too tired to drive up in nasty weather and Michelle was exhausted too. So, we needed to exchange gifts. The visit was short but nice. Mike and Michelle had briefly met back in September when she'd come down to the store for Angela's signing. It was about that time that my presence had begun to sink into Mike's thick and clueless skull (which he will admit because, up until then, he hadn't even realized that I existed even though we'd been chatting and flirting all summer -- sheesh). But neither really remembered the other so it was like starting anew.
The biggest part of going up was the final meeting -- Mike's mother. I was nervous, to say the least. See, Mike hadn't really told her that he was dating anyone. In December, when she asked him if he was seeing anyone, his reply was, "Well, there is this annoying bookseller who's been dragging me all over the place." But he gave no details beyond that. Originally he had planned on not telling her that I was coming with him but he did in the end though he still hadn't explained our relationship. As I expected, she had suspected something because she took our togetherness in a much less shocked manner than if she had been clueless. I had helped Mike pick out her Christmas present so I was glad to see her reaction. She loved it -- a Precious Moments mother figurine. What I didn't expect was her asking us to explain about it at dinner. lol She'd figured out that I had a hand in it even though I hadn't said anything. After all, she'd been out of the room when I nudged Mike and said, "I told you she would like it. lol
At dinner I got a billion questions from her but it was all good. She is a very nice woman. That I expected considering how nice Mike is. I did purposely leave at the end of the meal to go to the bathroom so that they would have a moment alone. I mean, the trip was legit but I timed it on purpose. I don't know what they said to each other but when I got back to the table, Mike stood and gave me a kiss. I don't know if his mother saw it but I was so touched by the gesture (it was our first pda of that sort). It meant a lot.
Back at her house, we chatted for a little bit and, much to Mike's horror, I got to see some baby pictures of him. He was sooooo cute! Such an adorable baby. I wonder what happened. ;o) Just kidding. She's promised to show me more next time. Can't wait. I did hear her tell Mike that he'd done well and I know that comment was about me. (grin) Well, yeah, I think we both have.
We didn't stay long because it was late and we both had to be up early for work. Mike actually fell asleep in the car on the way back. It was just so comfortable with him beside me as I drove us home (he lives out of his truck for work so he has too much in it for him to drive). Mike was surprised that he fell asleep but I wasn't. I think it shows his trust and comfort with me. (smile)
Overall, it was a very good weekend.
Song Interlude
Head Over Feet
by Alanis Morissette
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
by Alanis Morissette
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Non Sequitur #2
Ok, so, it's all very strange. . .Mike is up in PA without me. lol He's up near Philly for a training school for the entire week. I can't believe that he's hanging out around my old stomping grounds without me. He's so close to my farm that I feel like this week is an episode of the "Twilight Zone." And last night he had dinner with Jami cause she wanted to meet him. Yes, I would have preferred introducing them myself but I don't mind. Poor Mike. I am so glad that I warned him that Jami is like me on crack (cause she's so damn hyper at times that she would make Tigger tired). I did tell him that he wasn't under any obligation to actually go to dinner with her but I am very pleased that he did. Jami called me while he was in the bathroom and left a very hyper message on my answering machine (I was on my way home from class). The message was about how wonderful he is, etc. and he came back to the table and heard part of the message. lmao I could just see it too because Jami caught herself short when she saw him and burst into peels of nervous laughter. The message was too damn funny. I called her right back (about 20 minutes after she'd left the message) and the first words out of my mouth were, "Are you trying to embarrass the crap out of him?" lol Man, she was the most hyper I've heard her in a long time.
Jami absolutely adores Mike and says that she can see why I like him. She thinks that he is a genuinely nice guy (snort -- that's only cause she hasn't seen his sadistic side lol) and perfect for me. Well, that we are perfect for each other. She was blown away by his intelligence (well, duh, I said that he was -- you think I could be with an idiot?). I think that they had a great time together last night and I am so very happy about it. To think, one of my bestest friends (I'll have known Jami for 14 years this coming September) and my boyfriend having a good dinner together and plotting against me. And yes, I know they were cause they told me. (emits a long suffering sigh) Ah, well. Mike was a sweetheart and wouldn't let Jami pay for dinner even though I told him that she had intended to take him out. I can't say that I'm surprised by that gesture because he is very much a gentleman.
I spoke with Jami later on and her boyfriend, Alan, who decided that since Jami got to go out with Mike, he should take him out to dinner tonight. lol Dunno if Jami will actually give Alan the necessary phone # but who knows? Alan is a great guy (he and Jami have been together for a few years) and I'm sure that they would enjoy each other's company. And Jami offered to take Mike and some of the guys at the session down into Philly for some site seeing. lol Poor Mike, he's gonna get more social interaction than he had bargained for but I think it would be good for him not to be cooped up in the hotel all week. And there will still be things for me to show him when we go up for a visit. I would like to go up in July because the weather should be to his liking and everything will be so pretty. We can go bike riding around the farm and stuff like when I was a kid. And sleep outside (Jami has offered us the use of her tent) under the stars. (sigh) It would be nice. Well, all, this will have to tide you over until my office hours this afternoon. I have some errands to run before class and work to do. Hugs.
Jami absolutely adores Mike and says that she can see why I like him. She thinks that he is a genuinely nice guy (snort -- that's only cause she hasn't seen his sadistic side lol) and perfect for me. Well, that we are perfect for each other. She was blown away by his intelligence (well, duh, I said that he was -- you think I could be with an idiot?). I think that they had a great time together last night and I am so very happy about it. To think, one of my bestest friends (I'll have known Jami for 14 years this coming September) and my boyfriend having a good dinner together and plotting against me. And yes, I know they were cause they told me. (emits a long suffering sigh) Ah, well. Mike was a sweetheart and wouldn't let Jami pay for dinner even though I told him that she had intended to take him out. I can't say that I'm surprised by that gesture because he is very much a gentleman.
I spoke with Jami later on and her boyfriend, Alan, who decided that since Jami got to go out with Mike, he should take him out to dinner tonight. lol Dunno if Jami will actually give Alan the necessary phone # but who knows? Alan is a great guy (he and Jami have been together for a few years) and I'm sure that they would enjoy each other's company. And Jami offered to take Mike and some of the guys at the session down into Philly for some site seeing. lol Poor Mike, he's gonna get more social interaction than he had bargained for but I think it would be good for him not to be cooped up in the hotel all week. And there will still be things for me to show him when we go up for a visit. I would like to go up in July because the weather should be to his liking and everything will be so pretty. We can go bike riding around the farm and stuff like when I was a kid. And sleep outside (Jami has offered us the use of her tent) under the stars. (sigh) It would be nice. Well, all, this will have to tide you over until my office hours this afternoon. I have some errands to run before class and work to do. Hugs.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Catch Up #2B
Note: If you have not read the posting down below (2 below) do so before reading this one.
January 9th-13th: So it was a good weekend and everything. It was a little bittersweet for me because of the nagging memories from the past. They were leaching the color from my hours with Mike. Fear and dread that I was about to repeat certain parts of the past replaced the colors with gray. I knew that things were different with Mike but. . . . That has got to be the largest three letter word in the English language: BUT. Anyway, I knew that I was in danger of falling in love with him and that I couldn't allow myself to do that without knowing for sure where we stood with things. And I couldn't move forward with stuff without being open with him. I hadn't been dishonest about anything but there were things that needed to be said. I had come so close to saying what I needed to say but the words stuck in my throat. Can you imagine me unable to speak? Yes, it is possible. So I wrote it all out in an epic style poem.
I asked Mike to come over on Tuesday night cause I needed to talk with him. He ended up coming over on Monday (9th) instead. It was late when we finally talked and we were both so tired that I almost didn't say anything. Some of you know that I get at my most serious late at night. That is when I am most likely to have serious discussions. But I knew that I was being obtuse and cryptic and Mike didn't deserve that so. . . . And yes, I will remain cryptic with you. There are some things that I will not publish in so public a place. My friends may ask me in private if they don't know what I'm referring to. Anyway, he listened and thought and was wonderful. He totally left certain things up to me. And that was exactly what I needed. We spent the night cuddled in my bed. Sleep was restless on one hand but oh so great on another. And my morning "alarm" was really fun. lol
We spent Tuesday night together too. It was all so exhausting and fun at the same time. I knew that we wouldn't be able to keep that up forever but damn if I wasn't going to enjoy the chance.
Thursday night into Friday morning turned out to be the biggest time of all for us. Let's just say that, well, it CAN be all that they say it is. I have never felt so close to another human being in all my life. Did it go smoothly? No. Hell, we're both learning and so there has to be a curve. But, no matter what else happens. . .it was perfect and I have no regrets. I was surprised at myself for being able to but I think that has so much to do with how wonderful Mike was about everything. And I so wanted to give him something that would show how much I felt for him. I so wanted him to have something we only read about in books or see at the movies. I can only hope that it really was for him as much as for me.
January 9th-13th: So it was a good weekend and everything. It was a little bittersweet for me because of the nagging memories from the past. They were leaching the color from my hours with Mike. Fear and dread that I was about to repeat certain parts of the past replaced the colors with gray. I knew that things were different with Mike but. . . . That has got to be the largest three letter word in the English language: BUT. Anyway, I knew that I was in danger of falling in love with him and that I couldn't allow myself to do that without knowing for sure where we stood with things. And I couldn't move forward with stuff without being open with him. I hadn't been dishonest about anything but there were things that needed to be said. I had come so close to saying what I needed to say but the words stuck in my throat. Can you imagine me unable to speak? Yes, it is possible. So I wrote it all out in an epic style poem.
I asked Mike to come over on Tuesday night cause I needed to talk with him. He ended up coming over on Monday (9th) instead. It was late when we finally talked and we were both so tired that I almost didn't say anything. Some of you know that I get at my most serious late at night. That is when I am most likely to have serious discussions. But I knew that I was being obtuse and cryptic and Mike didn't deserve that so. . . . And yes, I will remain cryptic with you. There are some things that I will not publish in so public a place. My friends may ask me in private if they don't know what I'm referring to. Anyway, he listened and thought and was wonderful. He totally left certain things up to me. And that was exactly what I needed. We spent the night cuddled in my bed. Sleep was restless on one hand but oh so great on another. And my morning "alarm" was really fun. lol
We spent Tuesday night together too. It was all so exhausting and fun at the same time. I knew that we wouldn't be able to keep that up forever but damn if I wasn't going to enjoy the chance.
Thursday night into Friday morning turned out to be the biggest time of all for us. Let's just say that, well, it CAN be all that they say it is. I have never felt so close to another human being in all my life. Did it go smoothly? No. Hell, we're both learning and so there has to be a curve. But, no matter what else happens. . .it was perfect and I have no regrets. I was surprised at myself for being able to but I think that has so much to do with how wonderful Mike was about everything. And I so wanted to give him something that would show how much I felt for him. I so wanted him to have something we only read about in books or see at the movies. I can only hope that it really was for him as much as for me.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Non Sequitur
I just have to interject a brief entry about my FJ speech class. They are too funny. Tonight they had to do a few mini speeches: ad comparisons, commercials, and demos. I have a bunch of lushes and perverts in this group. Oh, wait, I think that happens in most of my classes. Lol Actually, mostly for the FJ groups. Must be the military influence. ;o)
Anyway, one person decided to demo how to pour a Guinness. Another went through the process of making moonshine. For a change, one of the army guys demo’d how to set up an IV in a person’s arm. No one was willing to volunteer so he did it on himself! Yuck. Actually, he had someone “help” who supposedly had a clue but it didn’t go as well as if he had done it to himself. But he just went on and explained why the vein collapsed and he ended up bleeding. Double yuck. I’m surrounded by masochists. One poor girl couldn’t watch at all because she has a fear of needles. Hell, I was happy to have grading points to add up so I didn’t have to watch either. I'll save that reason for another time. Then one of the girls roped one of the guys into doing a commercial with her for Eharmony. That was cute cause of getting him to blush. Then another army guy got them both up so that he could do his commercial. He didn't tell them what it was, just that they were to act like a lovey dovey couple. Their faces were too funny when we all found out it was a commercial for genital herpes! lmao There are days I really love my classes.
Anyway, one person decided to demo how to pour a Guinness. Another went through the process of making moonshine. For a change, one of the army guys demo’d how to set up an IV in a person’s arm. No one was willing to volunteer so he did it on himself! Yuck. Actually, he had someone “help” who supposedly had a clue but it didn’t go as well as if he had done it to himself. But he just went on and explained why the vein collapsed and he ended up bleeding. Double yuck. I’m surrounded by masochists. One poor girl couldn’t watch at all because she has a fear of needles. Hell, I was happy to have grading points to add up so I didn’t have to watch either. I'll save that reason for another time. Then one of the girls roped one of the guys into doing a commercial with her for Eharmony. That was cute cause of getting him to blush. Then another army guy got them both up so that he could do his commercial. He didn't tell them what it was, just that they were to act like a lovey dovey couple. Their faces were too funny when we all found out it was a commercial for genital herpes! lmao There are days I really love my classes.
Catch Up #2
Yeah, I know that I said that I would be better with this. But whoo boy. . .what a month! I can't believe that January has gone poof so quickly. It's all Mike's fault. lol No, no, I can't completely blame him. I share some of it. But most of what has gone on over the past month has Mike at the center of it and I just didn't feel right about posting it out here. However, after him saying to me yesterday that I hadn't written in a long time and me giving him that explanation, he has told me that he doesn't care if I write about the stuff here. But just so you know, I am going to be somewhat using a filter on details. Keyword: somewhat. Mike thinks that my posting and him answering could be fun. Just look at the "Addiction" entry and then the responses and you'll see what I mean. And I took that permission to heart and showed that entry to my English students today because we were talking about psychology, etc. lol Let the fun begin!
I may break this up into multiple entries because I think that this may get too long otherwise. I'll do it in week spurts which means that there will be 4 new entries with this being the first. I will write and submit the others over the course of the next few days with any new stuff at the beginning of the entry. K? Sounds like a plan to me. So here goes:
Weekend of January 7th and 8th: I don't think that Saturdays (except for this past one and the upcoming one -- you'll see why later) are all that interesting because I teach in the morning and work at the store in afternoon. So, unless something cool happens at either place, those are downtime days. Now, Sundays are a different matter altogether because neither Mike nor I have to work then. That means I figure Friday nights and Sundays are designated Mike times. Any other times we get together are gravy.
Having said that, the 7th was a special Saturday because I had suggested to Mike that he stay over at my place because I only live 5 minutes from his church (and 15 from his work. . .how weird is that?) and he lives on the opposite end of town (read: 45 minutes away). I had insisted on going to church with him for 2 reasons: 1) was feeling the urge to go to church and 2) I could meet a good chunk of his friends. Him staying over seemed like a good and convenient idea to me. So, he met me after work was done and, if I remember correctly, went to IHOP with Jonathan for some late food. When we got back to my place, we just snuggled on the couch and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. It was REALLY late and I was tired. I managed to get up without him waking fully. I put a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket before going to bed.
The morning came quickly but I was hyped up with nerves over meeting his friends. After all, these are people he's known all of his life and I was going to come as something of a surprise. I can't remember exactly how but at some point Mike and I were laying on my bed cuddled up next to me and not in the least hurry to get up. But I was not about to be distracted by a yummy makeout session. Whew. Eventually I made him take a shower while I made breakfast. And it was so nice and comfy. Now, any of you who know me and my morning habits know that I am so not a morning person. I am usually grumpy and antisocial. But this was different. It just felt right and flowed well. I have NEVER had that with anyone. The closest I've ever come to a civil morning routine has been with Valerie or Laurent & Natalie. But even that didn't feel as comfortable as this. We didn't need to talk to each other, just move together in synchronicity.
I chose to wear a skirt and nice sweater. Wasn't sure what people would be wearing but I wanted to look nice. We actually got to the church a little after the minister had started his early morning litany of hellos and prayer requests to the congregation. Now, Mike grew up Methodist and I grew up Lutheran which, while both Protestant, are pretty different in their services. So, I felt a little awkward walking in the middle of something but it was ok. Well, ok until the minister said, "It's good to have Mike with us here today and I see that he brought a pretty young lady with him." Given Mike's wallflower claims, I would have thought that he would blush harder than he did. lol I found it amusing that the stained glass window next to us was dedicated to "Jerry Butler." lol The service was interesting. A little more political than I would have expected but very informative.
We did endure curious glances and stuff but no one made me feel awkward about being there. In fact, just the opposite. His friends just accepted it as a fact and let me slide right into the group. They are very nice and have great senses of humor. They did pick on Mike a little for not telling them about me but one of the women said that she had suspected something. I just knew that saying I was an "annoying bookseller who was dragging him all over the place wasn't much of a smoke screen.
All of us went for Japanese for lunch. The same woman I mentioned above and I exchanged emails so that we can plot Mike's birthday. hehe That should be fun. Oh, nothing over the top. I promised him that I wouldn't have singing waiters involved if he did likewise for me. So, none of that. The day was really nice so we decided to take a walk down by the canal. I didn't know it was a five mile walk but that was ok. My foot managed to hold up all right. It was nice and relaxing. There were times when we didn't have to say anything. Mike actually talked a lot and that was cool. Near the end of the walk we just stood and looked at the water. It was very idyllic. I was a little sad because every moment I was feeling closer to him than any man before but it was shadowed by the past. He even carved our initials into something and that gesture was just so sweet I had tears in my eyes. Yes, I can be a mushball sometimes.
And this is where I will leave you for now because I have some grading that must get done.
I may break this up into multiple entries because I think that this may get too long otherwise. I'll do it in week spurts which means that there will be 4 new entries with this being the first. I will write and submit the others over the course of the next few days with any new stuff at the beginning of the entry. K? Sounds like a plan to me. So here goes:
Weekend of January 7th and 8th: I don't think that Saturdays (except for this past one and the upcoming one -- you'll see why later) are all that interesting because I teach in the morning and work at the store in afternoon. So, unless something cool happens at either place, those are downtime days. Now, Sundays are a different matter altogether because neither Mike nor I have to work then. That means I figure Friday nights and Sundays are designated Mike times. Any other times we get together are gravy.
Having said that, the 7th was a special Saturday because I had suggested to Mike that he stay over at my place because I only live 5 minutes from his church (and 15 from his work. . .how weird is that?) and he lives on the opposite end of town (read: 45 minutes away). I had insisted on going to church with him for 2 reasons: 1) was feeling the urge to go to church and 2) I could meet a good chunk of his friends. Him staying over seemed like a good and convenient idea to me. So, he met me after work was done and, if I remember correctly, went to IHOP with Jonathan for some late food. When we got back to my place, we just snuggled on the couch and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. It was REALLY late and I was tired. I managed to get up without him waking fully. I put a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket before going to bed.
The morning came quickly but I was hyped up with nerves over meeting his friends. After all, these are people he's known all of his life and I was going to come as something of a surprise. I can't remember exactly how but at some point Mike and I were laying on my bed cuddled up next to me and not in the least hurry to get up. But I was not about to be distracted by a yummy makeout session. Whew. Eventually I made him take a shower while I made breakfast. And it was so nice and comfy. Now, any of you who know me and my morning habits know that I am so not a morning person. I am usually grumpy and antisocial. But this was different. It just felt right and flowed well. I have NEVER had that with anyone. The closest I've ever come to a civil morning routine has been with Valerie or Laurent & Natalie. But even that didn't feel as comfortable as this. We didn't need to talk to each other, just move together in synchronicity.
I chose to wear a skirt and nice sweater. Wasn't sure what people would be wearing but I wanted to look nice. We actually got to the church a little after the minister had started his early morning litany of hellos and prayer requests to the congregation. Now, Mike grew up Methodist and I grew up Lutheran which, while both Protestant, are pretty different in their services. So, I felt a little awkward walking in the middle of something but it was ok. Well, ok until the minister said, "It's good to have Mike with us here today and I see that he brought a pretty young lady with him." Given Mike's wallflower claims, I would have thought that he would blush harder than he did. lol I found it amusing that the stained glass window next to us was dedicated to "Jerry Butler." lol The service was interesting. A little more political than I would have expected but very informative.
We did endure curious glances and stuff but no one made me feel awkward about being there. In fact, just the opposite. His friends just accepted it as a fact and let me slide right into the group. They are very nice and have great senses of humor. They did pick on Mike a little for not telling them about me but one of the women said that she had suspected something. I just knew that saying I was an "annoying bookseller who was dragging him all over the place wasn't much of a smoke screen.
All of us went for Japanese for lunch. The same woman I mentioned above and I exchanged emails so that we can plot Mike's birthday. hehe That should be fun. Oh, nothing over the top. I promised him that I wouldn't have singing waiters involved if he did likewise for me. So, none of that. The day was really nice so we decided to take a walk down by the canal. I didn't know it was a five mile walk but that was ok. My foot managed to hold up all right. It was nice and relaxing. There were times when we didn't have to say anything. Mike actually talked a lot and that was cool. Near the end of the walk we just stood and looked at the water. It was very idyllic. I was a little sad because every moment I was feeling closer to him than any man before but it was shadowed by the past. He even carved our initials into something and that gesture was just so sweet I had tears in my eyes. Yes, I can be a mushball sometimes.
And this is where I will leave you for now because I have some grading that must get done.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Addiction
Well, Mike and I talked it over and we've decided to give in to the inevitable and say we are a couple. lol I guess introducing me as his girlfriend is better than saying, "This is Lynn, the bane of my existence." I said that to him so you can't blame him for that one though he's tempted to use it when I meet his friends and family. But I think that just gives it all away anyway.
Anyway, he says that all the cuddling we've done this week is very addictive, like crack or wine. Ummm. . .is this a compliment? lol He's lucky I think so. But what would you all say to being called a crack addiction? lmao I am way too amused by this. That and a lack of sleep today has me goofier than usual. Hoo boy!
Anyway, he says that all the cuddling we've done this week is very addictive, like crack or wine. Ummm. . .is this a compliment? lol He's lucky I think so. But what would you all say to being called a crack addiction? lmao I am way too amused by this. That and a lack of sleep today has me goofier than usual. Hoo boy!
Monday, January 02, 2006
Happy New Year!
Well, New Year’s didn’t go quite as planned but that’s ok. I went up to the northern Kyle’s on Friday. The original plan had Mike coming up with me and Valerie joining us there. Well, since Mike had to work hard all week, he was exhausted by Friday night and the drive just didn’t seem like a good idea for only a full day’s gathering. I’ve done it and so I understand. So, we agreed that I would head back down a day early (today) and spend all day today together since he has off. Sounds like a good plan to me. Valerie had some things come up that made her cancel driving up. I was disappointed but understood. So, it was just going to be me with Kyle and his new boyfriend, Paul. No problem. I admit to wondering if I should just head back to SC on Sat but I hadn’t seen Kyle in forever so. . . .
Friday was a good day for the most part. My exhaustion kicked in early in the evening. Probably because I was relaxed. Being around Kyle has that affect on me since we’ve known each other forever. And Paul is a very nice guy and totally cool so I could easily be myself and just relax more. I think I was a combo of exhausted and dehydrated because I was just drinking down glass after glass of water without feeling sated. We ended up going over to Paul’s relatives’ house. They were nice but I wasn’t feeling particularly energetic enough to be ultra social. Afterwards we went bowling. Considering that I wasn’t feeling well, I did pretty well. Started off the first game with three strikes. Lol I just know that I won’t do that well when Mike and I go (we’ve been talking about it for a while). Got a 166 and that’s the best I’ve bowled in ages (haven’t been in about three years) and then a 126. We then played darts (Kyle and Paul won one each) and then pool (Kyle beat me because I scratched after sinking the 8). Two of Paul’s friends joined us at one point and they were both smokers. This caused me to ask Kyle how smokey he thought the parties were gonna be because it was really irritating my sinuses (and I’ve gotten really sick in the past from too much smoke hitting me when I’m trying to fight off something). Kyle said that the parties would be pretty bad so I asked if he minded if I just chilled at his house. No but Paul wouldn’t hear of it. It made him feel bad that I had come all that way to see my friend and then sit home alone. Well, I didn’t want him to feel bad and since I’d planned to leave on Sunday anyway, I thought that I might see if I couldn’t join Valerie since we both wanted to see each other.
So, in the end, I went to Baltimore. Got there about 10p. I was feeling better after having slept for about 9ish hours. Still a little exhausted and stuffed up but better. Val’s plans had all gotten changed on her again so we just stayed in her apartment and talked. It was a good time and I am very happy that I was able to hang out with her. I called the farm as usual at midnight while Val called her parents. Then I left Mike a message and called Jonathan since he was alone for the evening. Valerie and he have each other’s numbers now. Uh oh, that’s gonna be trouble: my little sister and little brother being able to talk to each other and plot against me. (Sigh) Such is the fate of all big adoptive sisters. (Grin) Lord help me.
Anyway, hanging with Valerie is always a good thing. I wish we lived closer together but, well, c’est ma vie. Kyle had said that it was amazing how long I maintain close friendships considering how busy I always am. (Shrug) Guess it’s just one of my talents. Maybe one day I’ll discuss it on the blog.
I got to meet Valerie’s new boyfriend, Ben, before I left. He is really nice and I think that they fit well together. It just “feels” right between them. We had a lovely, relaxed lunch and then I drove back to SC. It was an ok drive but for around DC (I hate 95) but I made pretty good time anyway. Hit rain down here and it’s still going. Ugh. So doesn’t make it easy to wake up. Mike is on his way over so I better finish getting ready.
Friday was a good day for the most part. My exhaustion kicked in early in the evening. Probably because I was relaxed. Being around Kyle has that affect on me since we’ve known each other forever. And Paul is a very nice guy and totally cool so I could easily be myself and just relax more. I think I was a combo of exhausted and dehydrated because I was just drinking down glass after glass of water without feeling sated. We ended up going over to Paul’s relatives’ house. They were nice but I wasn’t feeling particularly energetic enough to be ultra social. Afterwards we went bowling. Considering that I wasn’t feeling well, I did pretty well. Started off the first game with three strikes. Lol I just know that I won’t do that well when Mike and I go (we’ve been talking about it for a while). Got a 166 and that’s the best I’ve bowled in ages (haven’t been in about three years) and then a 126. We then played darts (Kyle and Paul won one each) and then pool (Kyle beat me because I scratched after sinking the 8). Two of Paul’s friends joined us at one point and they were both smokers. This caused me to ask Kyle how smokey he thought the parties were gonna be because it was really irritating my sinuses (and I’ve gotten really sick in the past from too much smoke hitting me when I’m trying to fight off something). Kyle said that the parties would be pretty bad so I asked if he minded if I just chilled at his house. No but Paul wouldn’t hear of it. It made him feel bad that I had come all that way to see my friend and then sit home alone. Well, I didn’t want him to feel bad and since I’d planned to leave on Sunday anyway, I thought that I might see if I couldn’t join Valerie since we both wanted to see each other.
So, in the end, I went to Baltimore. Got there about 10p. I was feeling better after having slept for about 9ish hours. Still a little exhausted and stuffed up but better. Val’s plans had all gotten changed on her again so we just stayed in her apartment and talked. It was a good time and I am very happy that I was able to hang out with her. I called the farm as usual at midnight while Val called her parents. Then I left Mike a message and called Jonathan since he was alone for the evening. Valerie and he have each other’s numbers now. Uh oh, that’s gonna be trouble: my little sister and little brother being able to talk to each other and plot against me. (Sigh) Such is the fate of all big adoptive sisters. (Grin) Lord help me.
Anyway, hanging with Valerie is always a good thing. I wish we lived closer together but, well, c’est ma vie. Kyle had said that it was amazing how long I maintain close friendships considering how busy I always am. (Shrug) Guess it’s just one of my talents. Maybe one day I’ll discuss it on the blog.
I got to meet Valerie’s new boyfriend, Ben, before I left. He is really nice and I think that they fit well together. It just “feels” right between them. We had a lovely, relaxed lunch and then I drove back to SC. It was an ok drive but for around DC (I hate 95) but I made pretty good time anyway. Hit rain down here and it’s still going. Ugh. So doesn’t make it easy to wake up. Mike is on his way over so I better finish getting ready.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Catch up
Right now I am sitting on Cynthia’s bed while she sits on her computer and types as well. Guess it runs in the family. Rather interesting.
I am going to attempt to catch you all up on what has been happening over the past couple of months. I was going to do it as separate blog entries but well, as Inigo would say in The Princess Bride, “Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” Lol So, that is what I am going to do.
School: I believe that I mentioned that I passed my comprehensive exams. Whew. The next phase was to write my prospectus and pass the defense for that. I figured that the defense was really just a way for all of us to make sure that we are on the same page and to agree on how I was going to proceed. The defense went well. My topic was solidly approved and advice was given on how to proceed. Now that I have a game plan, I should be able to plug along fairly well. At least, I hope so.
Work: I barely survived the semester but managed it somehow. Juggling is so not my strong suit. I teach way too much but I need what little money I can get from it. I do love teaching but. . .ugh, too many classes burn a person out. Next semester I will have one less English class so that should be better. Just don’t tell my wallet that. Lol Work at the store is gong fairly well. It is good that I am away for a few days because I was starting to feel a little fried from that too. I do like the job but the getting up super early for the morning holiday hours was starting to wear upon me. I am so not a morning person and waking up before the sun is just so ugh. Part of the problem is that I tend to pick up energy late at night and so that doesn’t help me get good sleep. Ah, well, I’ll stop bitching now.
Social: Part of the problem this semester was that on top of my normal schedule, I was actually having a social life. It’s because of my hanging out with Jonathan and Mike. To refresh your memories, Jonathan is my new high school teacher friend. We met in August when he came into the store and we started talking. I did a book fair for him and then we became friends. He’s a good guy and lots of fun to hangaround. I have dubbed him the “little brother I would have drowned.”
Mike is a regular customer at the store. I’ve “known” him for about a year. And I’ve been flirting with him for that long though he was apparently unaware of it until September (which I’m still trying to figure out because there were times when he flirted back but that was all. . .how confusing!). Anyway, back in October right before my spring break, Valerie came down (so we could go have fun in Asheville) and we planned upon going to see Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit (wheeeeee!). Good movie, watch it. Well, Jonathan planned on going with us and Mike happened to come into the store (he always comes in on Fridays) and so I asked him to come along too. It was a good evening. Later I dragged him to see Serenity(buy the DVD!) with myself and Erin. After that, I let him pick the movie and we started hanging out more regularly. I wasn’t sure what was going on with us (obvious that I like him and he likes me but was there more?) but that all got cleared up at the beginning of this month. We are “officially” dating. It’s been fun and a great energy booster. We get along very well. Different personalities on some levels but that’s good. We have a lot in common in the areas that matter. So, we’ll see. As Mike said at one point, “It’s complicated.” But a hell of a lot of fun. So, if any of you were confused by “The Perfect Gift” entry earlier. . .now you know. And should you have questions, well, you know how to get in touch with me. Lol
I’m to go to the northern Kyle’s for New Year’s. I’m hoping that Mike will be able to come up and join us. He has to work all this week (his request for time off was denied) but we may get lucky on the timing. I’ve never been “with” someone for a New Year’s before and it would just be so special to have him here. It would so start the new year off on the right foot.
Ah. . .life is good right now.
I am going to attempt to catch you all up on what has been happening over the past couple of months. I was going to do it as separate blog entries but well, as Inigo would say in The Princess Bride, “Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” Lol So, that is what I am going to do.
School: I believe that I mentioned that I passed my comprehensive exams. Whew. The next phase was to write my prospectus and pass the defense for that. I figured that the defense was really just a way for all of us to make sure that we are on the same page and to agree on how I was going to proceed. The defense went well. My topic was solidly approved and advice was given on how to proceed. Now that I have a game plan, I should be able to plug along fairly well. At least, I hope so.
Work: I barely survived the semester but managed it somehow. Juggling is so not my strong suit. I teach way too much but I need what little money I can get from it. I do love teaching but. . .ugh, too many classes burn a person out. Next semester I will have one less English class so that should be better. Just don’t tell my wallet that. Lol Work at the store is gong fairly well. It is good that I am away for a few days because I was starting to feel a little fried from that too. I do like the job but the getting up super early for the morning holiday hours was starting to wear upon me. I am so not a morning person and waking up before the sun is just so ugh. Part of the problem is that I tend to pick up energy late at night and so that doesn’t help me get good sleep. Ah, well, I’ll stop bitching now.
Social: Part of the problem this semester was that on top of my normal schedule, I was actually having a social life. It’s because of my hanging out with Jonathan and Mike. To refresh your memories, Jonathan is my new high school teacher friend. We met in August when he came into the store and we started talking. I did a book fair for him and then we became friends. He’s a good guy and lots of fun to hangaround. I have dubbed him the “little brother I would have drowned.”
Mike is a regular customer at the store. I’ve “known” him for about a year. And I’ve been flirting with him for that long though he was apparently unaware of it until September (which I’m still trying to figure out because there were times when he flirted back but that was all. . .how confusing!). Anyway, back in October right before my spring break, Valerie came down (so we could go have fun in Asheville) and we planned upon going to see Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit (wheeeeee!). Good movie, watch it. Well, Jonathan planned on going with us and Mike happened to come into the store (he always comes in on Fridays) and so I asked him to come along too. It was a good evening. Later I dragged him to see Serenity(buy the DVD!) with myself and Erin. After that, I let him pick the movie and we started hanging out more regularly. I wasn’t sure what was going on with us (obvious that I like him and he likes me but was there more?) but that all got cleared up at the beginning of this month. We are “officially” dating. It’s been fun and a great energy booster. We get along very well. Different personalities on some levels but that’s good. We have a lot in common in the areas that matter. So, we’ll see. As Mike said at one point, “It’s complicated.” But a hell of a lot of fun. So, if any of you were confused by “The Perfect Gift” entry earlier. . .now you know. And should you have questions, well, you know how to get in touch with me. Lol
I’m to go to the northern Kyle’s for New Year’s. I’m hoping that Mike will be able to come up and join us. He has to work all this week (his request for time off was denied) but we may get lucky on the timing. I’ve never been “with” someone for a New Year’s before and it would just be so special to have him here. It would so start the new year off on the right foot.
Ah. . .life is good right now.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
The Perfect Gift
Omg. . .last night I got the most awesome gift. A few weeks ago I took Mike to Itsallinthename (a new store in Columbia where I told everyone to shop for presents for me) and showed him some things that I would like as a Christmas present. I specifically took him to see a limited lithograph by Nene Thomas that I wanted. Well, they didn't have the one that I saw at the online store but they did have one that is just as gorgeous. And he got it for me! Now, I did show him other things so he would have options but. . .yippee! Mike even got it framed for me and it is sooooo nice. I so absolutely love this gift. I could look at it forever. Instead of trying to describe it, here is a copy:
Isn't it gorgeous? And you know what I realized today? That I signed Mike's Christmas card as "Always, Lynn" and the name of the peace is "Always." lol Yeah, I know it's just a coincidence but it's a cool one. I am so bouncing off the walls.
Hugs and Happy Holidays to all!!
Isn't it gorgeous? And you know what I realized today? That I signed Mike's Christmas card as "Always, Lynn" and the name of the peace is "Always." lol Yeah, I know it's just a coincidence but it's a cool one. I am so bouncing off the walls.
Hugs and Happy Holidays to all!!
Monday, December 19, 2005
Fruits Basket Character
Ok, so Mike's favorite manga character is from Fruits Basket. So, I decided to take a little quiz and see which character I would be:
TOHRU:
If you want a description of her, go here: Tohru
Hmmmm. . .wow, this is his favorite character. Guess there is a reason beyond "momentary insanity" for us to be going out. (sigh) Now I really do need to read these books. Ah well.
My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, What Fruit Basket Character are you?, is Tohru
TOHRU:
If you want a description of her, go here: Tohru
Hmmmm. . .wow, this is his favorite character. Guess there is a reason beyond "momentary insanity" for us to be going out. (sigh) Now I really do need to read these books. Ah well.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Happy Birthday, Daddy
I remember the first time that I saw this picture. I laughed and laughed because I thought he was so goofy looking. Now I look back and think how handsome he was at 17. The black and white photo doesn't do the steel blue eyes justice but at least it shows that Kramer spark.
I try not to remember how he looked at the end but how he looked for most of my life. How he looked in the good times. A lot of my photos are in storage but I think this one pretty much sums up our family spirit:
Wish you and mom were here. I miss you both.
Marilyn Kramer and Charles Kramer on their wedding day June 18, 1960
(6/25/43-3/28/92) (12/4/36-1-8-98)
Friday, November 25, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok, ok, I know it's the day after Thanksgiving and all that but I wasn't home yesterday. I went to a friend's house and had a very nice time. It was a very relaxing day and a much needed break from the hectic schedule that I have been keeping. I am so sorry that I have been letting this blog slide. Nathalie wrote and said that she has been checking it but hadn't seen much new. So, I decided that I quick update was the way to go.
The semester has been even more hectic than usual, if you can imagine that. Next week is the last week of classes already. Eeeeeeek! Then I have finals to deal with. So many papers to grade, so little time. So, I probably won't be able to do the catching up justice until then. Sorry, but this little bit will have to keep you tantalized.
So, I've spent the past two months: teaching, working at the store, working on the dissertation, trying to have a little bit of a social life. . . . Can you see why I haven't had time to update? As for that last bit, I'll be evil and let you hang about it. mwahaha I promise that you will have lots to read in December and all. Hope everyone is well. Miss all of you all I don't get to see or talk to.
The semester has been even more hectic than usual, if you can imagine that. Next week is the last week of classes already. Eeeeeeek! Then I have finals to deal with. So many papers to grade, so little time. So, I probably won't be able to do the catching up justice until then. Sorry, but this little bit will have to keep you tantalized.
So, I've spent the past two months: teaching, working at the store, working on the dissertation, trying to have a little bit of a social life. . . . Can you see why I haven't had time to update? As for that last bit, I'll be evil and let you hang about it. mwahaha I promise that you will have lots to read in December and all. Hope everyone is well. Miss all of you all I don't get to see or talk to.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Slayer Quiz
| The One True Slayer 79 Bites of Slayage |
Damn. Not only have you died twice doing what you do, but no one understands your burden and you find yourself disturbingly attracted to vampires. You are the ultimate repository of what it takes to be the Slayer, and no one can tell you otherwise. If you don't own all seven seasons on DVD, it's cause they haven't been released in your country yet. I am in total awe of you, and maybe just the tiniest bit creeped out. |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Ultimate Buffy Test written by Iguanita41 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
Thursday, November 03, 2005
My Mood for the Day
So Weary
by Gwen Dickerson
Monday, September 19, 2005
Yea ... I am so weary
I yearn for a long deep sleep
A sleep filled with ancient dreams
Of spiritual realms, of healing waters
Of sky and land and star-burst colors
The astral scenes of divinity's themes
Far away from man's self-made mess
Far away from ego and selfishness
Away from disorder and lawlessness
Away from greed and material quests
Yea ... I am so weary
Life demands we commit to its rituals
Parade in its pageantry, lend voice to its story
Being mindful of countless other lives
Whose tears and laughter color our lives
Weaving world history, affecting world destiny
Life demands that we learn from our mistakes
That we love or hate situations or things
That we adapt, change, fight or flee
Delving deep into its mystery
Becoming great beings with gilded wings
Yet, yea ... I am so weary
I yearn for a long deep sleep
But not ... just ... yet
But not ... just ... yet
Copyright © 2005 by Gwen Dickerson
All Rights Reserved.
Author's Den
by Gwen Dickerson
Monday, September 19, 2005
Yea ... I am so weary
I yearn for a long deep sleep
A sleep filled with ancient dreams
Of spiritual realms, of healing waters
Of sky and land and star-burst colors
The astral scenes of divinity's themes
Far away from man's self-made mess
Far away from ego and selfishness
Away from disorder and lawlessness
Away from greed and material quests
Yea ... I am so weary
Life demands we commit to its rituals
Parade in its pageantry, lend voice to its story
Being mindful of countless other lives
Whose tears and laughter color our lives
Weaving world history, affecting world destiny
Life demands that we learn from our mistakes
That we love or hate situations or things
That we adapt, change, fight or flee
Delving deep into its mystery
Becoming great beings with gilded wings
Yet, yea ... I am so weary
I yearn for a long deep sleep
But not ... just ... yet
But not ... just ... yet
Copyright © 2005 by Gwen Dickerson
All Rights Reserved.
Author's Den
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